


on the edge of no tomorrow

by lostnthedream (falloutangel), Rainbugi



Category: VICTON (Band)
Genre: Alternate Dimensions, Alternate Universe, Angst, Dimension Travel, Eventual Smut, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Multiverse, Non-Graphic Violence, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Character Death, Sexual Content, Unsafe Sex, inspired by mayday theories that spiraled out of control, it has sad moments but its still a fun time we promise, say it with me mayday seungsik sexy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:01:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 53,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28918743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falloutangel/pseuds/lostnthedream, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainbugi/pseuds/Rainbugi
Summary: Seungwoo falls, barely processing the bright red sky and the clouds that fly past his vision, glowing like they’re on fire. He burns like a fiery comet flying towards its doom, hot and deadly as he plummets from above, and he falls, falls, falls…Then as suddenly as it started - nothing.
Relationships: Han Seungwoo/Kang Seungsik
Comments: 94
Kudos: 94





	1. like a blazing comet

**Author's Note:**

> hello dear readers!  
> please enjoy the combination of jelly and rae's writing forces!!! this is our collaborative brainchild and we love her very much, and we hope that you do as well :') 
> 
> please mind the tags for possible sensitive material. we love you all for reading and supporting <3 NOW ENJOY!!!

“You’re doing better,” Chan echoes like he’s testing the words. “Better.”

The coffee in Seungwoo’s mug is cold as he swirls it around absentmindedly. Words are few and hard to come by. Their whole conversation has felt like a long walk on pins and needles, awkward pauses, and topics that teeter out with a hum of nervousness. 

“Yeah,” Seungwoo says. “Better.”

Chan looks away, silent. Seungwoo sees the thoughts rolling around in his head, something more than talking about the weather or Chan’s job. 

“Have you written anything?” Chan asks, leaning forward, hands resting on his legs. 

Seungwoo swallows, looking away. “Nothing good,” he says, sighing. 

Inspiration for writing songs used to be like a well that never ran dry, but even with the days he spends at his studio, he feels empty, lifeless. The notes he plays on the piano sound discordant and wrong, and music no longer flows effortlessly out of his hands. 

“You know I’m here for you if you ever need help,” Chan offers, like he always does. Always reaching out, always ready to be there if he can. “Or if you want to work on something again.” 

“I’m fine, Chan,” he repeats, forcing himself to meet Chan’s eyes. He stares right into a face of pity, care, and concern. 

“It’s not a weakness to ask for help, hyung,” Chan says gently.

“It’s just a bump,” Seungwoo says, pushing away what else Chan could be pushing at. “I’ll figure it out soon enough. It’s just taking longer than it normally does… I just need space to work it out.”

Chan sits forward almost uncomfortably, eyes falling onto the table.

“Space,” Chan says, and there’s something bitter about the way it sounds when he repeats it back. Seungwoo feels a sinking in his heart.

“I’m trying to give you space, hyung. But it can be so scary to not hear from you in _days_ \- and sometimes weeks! I know you miss him. I know. Because, _fuck_ , I miss him too.”

“Chan,” Seungwoo chest tightens at his words. “No, I’m sorry, that isn’t what I meant-”

“But you never call,” Chan says, voice getting tighter. “You never text. You never come to any of my shows anymore, and I never see you out of the house or studio…”

Seungwoo has to stand, that suffocating feeling growing and expanding in his chest. The last thing he wanted was a confrontation. The last thing he wanted was to think about how much he’s failed in the last few months. 

“Hyung,” Chan starts, and Seungwoo turns away. “Hyung, please, I’m sorry! I don’t mean to pry. I’m just-“

“Just what?” Seungwoo interrupts. He’s tired. So unbelievably tired. He just wants to go home and sleep. 

“Scared,” Chan whispers. “Scared that instead of losing one friend, I’m going to lose two.”

Seungwoo closes his eyes, his hand trembling slightly. 

“Sik loved you,” Chan says. “More than anything else, he loved you.”

Hearing the name makes a pang deep in his chest, and Seungwoo swallows thickly, throat suddenly too tight. He hates the feeling - the way it so suddenly can claw up his chest and up his throat. He feels out of control, spiraling, and he needs to push it away, push it deep down. 

“He made me promise something,” Seungwoo says. It comes out shakily. He wishes he had the strength to steady his voice. He wishes he had never come here. 

“Promise what,” Chan says, standing up. 

“He made me promise that I wouldn’t check out,” Seungwoo says. His heart feels weak in his chest, and a knot builds in his throat. “He made me promise that I’d still live a life. Without him. That I wouldn’t push you guys away.”

Chan steps closer. 

“I’m scared too, Chan-ah,” he whispers. “I’m scared that I won’t be able to keep my promise to him. He deserves someone who could keep his promises to him, right?”

“Hyung…” Chan chokes. 

Seungwoo looks back at him, shocked to see a steady stream of tears slipping down Chan’s face. 

“You talk to him, hyung,” Chan says brokenly. A pit in Seungwoo’s stomach clenches, dense and tight.

He so desperately wants to laugh it off, but his tongue feels like it’s been transformed into dust. All he wants to do is run, but his legs sit like concrete against Chan’s floor. 

“When you think you’re alone… You talk to him like he’s still here.”

Seungwoo swallows, pressure building behind his eyes.

“I talk to him because I don’t know what else to do,” Seungwoo whispers. “The house is so empty without him. I feel like if I don’t pretend, I’m going to go insane.” 

Chan sniffs, and Seungwoo has to turn away. It’s too much right now. He’s tired of being dissected, of having to look into Chan’s weary eyes. It’s all too similar to what he sees in the mirror. 

“How can you be fine, hyung?” Chan gives a wet laugh, wiping at his eyes. “How can you be fine if I’m not even close.”

He wants to apologize because he means it to his very core. He’s sorry to Chan. He’s sorry to all the friends who have reached out to him in the past five months that he’s pushed away and ignored. He’s sorry to Seungsik for the promise he breaks nearly every day. 

But he can’t say he’ll change. Chan deserves more. A better friend. A friend who would put him first. Someone who isn’t so selfish. 

A kind smile and gentle eyes flash in his mind. It burns Seungwoo’s chest, and he knows he can’t stay here anymore. He meets Chan’s eyes and sees the younger’s shoulders deflate, reading Seungwoo’s body language in a moment. 

“I’m here, hyung,” Chan says, voice wavering. “Please don’t forget.”

He turns away, and Seungwoo swallows. _I’m sorry._

He leaves quietly, a meaningless apology heavy on his tongue. His shoulders are heavier than ever as he leaves Chan’s apartment building, and he forces each step, each breath, and each heartbeat as he continues. Every one of them hurts. 

~

Mornings are always cold. Seungwoo wakes up in a bed all to himself, buried in covers that no one stole from him during the night. Yet despite the blanket, he feels chills as he stretches out his legs across the cool sheets. 

_Morning, hyung…_

“Good morning,” he murmurs, rolling over toward the middle. No one meets him there, but he reaches out his arm anyway, hand brushing over the pillow on the right side of the bed. 

He’s still trying to figure out if it’s mornings or nights is where he feels most alone. He never thought he’d miss the days when Seungsik would pester him until he woke up, never one to let the day slip away. He used to complain about having to get up unnecessarily early, rolling away from Sik with a complaining groan. He made his own hours; he didn’t have to get up at a specific time. But Seungsik had the opposite, taking even more long shifts at the hospital because they were so low on nurses. 

_I like to eat breakfast with you,_ he would pout, coaxing Seungwoo out of bed with soft kisses, hot coffee, and food that smelled divine. 

Seungwoo blinks his eyes open, looking at the clock on their bedside table. No surprise to Seungwoo, it’s well into the afternoon. He knows that his sleep schedule has completely gone out the window, procrastinating going to sleep, so he doesn’t have to confront the empty side of his bed. But when he finally gets to bed and wakes up the next day, then it’s the opposite. He feels lifeless, immovable, and it’s all too easy to just close his eyes again and not face another day. 

He rolls over, exhaling long and slow. His limbs feel heavy from sleep, and he resists the small but oh so familiar voice that tells him to get up and do something with his day. 

Seungwoo looks at the dirty laundry pile in the corner, overflowing from the basket. He sees the layer of dust on Sik’s bookshelf. He told himself that he would get to those things today. He told himself he would try.

Today just feels too hard. Today feels too heavy.

The sun has already arched across the sky, and closing his eyes again is too easy. Seungwoo pushes today away and doesn’t think about the possibility of tomorrow.

~

It isn’t until days later that Seungwoo finds himself in the studio again, staring down at the few notes he managed to get onto the paper in the past hours. The pen sits heavy in his hand, ready to get to work, but he can’t bring himself to move it. He sighs and crumples up the paper, tossing it into the waste bin before turning to his monitor.

He wastes hours opening and closing old project files, fiddling mindlessly with details that barely change the song at all. It’s still wrong. It’s still so far from being done. 

His eyes begin to ache and he sits up, shoulder popping and back straining. He turns in his chair, looking out the small window to his right to see the sun has already begun to set. He sighs, deciding he doesn’t want to walk home in the dark. He mindlessly follows his routine of turning off all his equipment, and grabs his bag, locking up behind him as he leaves the building. 

It’s not a long walk home, but he doesn’t think that’s a relief. He doesn’t want to go home. He only comes to the studio to not be home, but he always has to go back. His feet feel heavy as he trudges along the sidewalk. He used to occasionally, if he was early enough for Seungsik not to be home yet, take a detour through the park, admiring the scenery. Now he just walks right past, his eyes cast down, and his hands shoved into his pockets.

“Seungwoo-hyung?” A familiar voice calls from ahead, and Seungwoo’s head snaps up. That’s a voice he hasn’t heard in over a year, but he recognizes it instantly.

“Subin?” He calls back, surprise written on his face.

“Hi hyung. How have you been?” Subin asks once he’s close enough for a proper conversation.

“Fine.” Seungwoo answers, bewildered. He realizes belatedly that that is not true at all, the answer having slipped from him more out of habit than anything else.

“I’m glad to hear, hyung. How is Seungsik-hyung doing? Is he still…” Subin trails off awkwardly and looks up at him with something much akin to hope, something Seungwoo barely recognizes anymore. He thinks he wore that expression at one point.

He’s silent for a second too long, and he knows the smile he tries to plaster on his face looks more painful than reassuring. Subin is quick on the uptake, always has been, and the hope in his eyes makes way for pity and sorrow almost instantly. He opens his mouth to say something, probably something about how sorry he is, followed by a question like ‘do you want to talk about it?’ or ‘how are you feeling?’.

He interrupts Subin before he even gets the chance to utter a single word. “I’m fine, Subin. Really.” He knows it doesn’t sound convincing, but Subin catches the hint instantly and closes his mouth, nodding solemnly. “I’ve got to go. It was nice seeing you.” He adds, because he feels like he should. It’s half-hearted at best, and he feels a pang of guilt at brushing off his old friend like this.

“Yeah. It was nice seeing you too, hyung. We should catch up sometime.” Subin’s voice is gentle, not judging, and Seungwoo feels all the more guilty for it.

“Yeah, we should.” It’s not a lie, at least not entirely. They should catch up. Seungwoo should catch up with all the friends he’s been avoiding these past months. But he knows he won’t. Subin knows it too - he can tell.

Seungwoo rushes past him without another word, guilt joining the familiar rush of emotions that claw their way up his chest into his throat, where they settle in a thick lump. He barely keeps himself from breaking into a sprint, briskly walking through the familiar streets, taking turns without thinking about it. Before he knows it, he’s standing in the too quiet hallway of his too empty house. It’s been months since he got home this fast.

The door snaps shut behind him, echoing through the house, and he takes a deep, trembling breath before taking off his shoes and coat. It’s always so quiet, so empty when he comes home, and it still hits him like a truck. The way there’s no singing coming from the kitchen, no soft steps as Seungsik comes up to him with his adorable, fluffy slippers to envelop him in a warm, welcoming hug. He shakes his head, turning on the lights and going into the kitchen.

He goes through the movements of making himself a meal only because he knows he’ll feel worse if he doesn’t. He opens his mouth to call out that dinner is ready, but then Chan’s words from a few days ago ring through his head, and he shuts it again. 

_You talk to him like he’s still here._

He swallows harshly and plates his dinner without another word.

The silence is always deafening, but today it feels worse than normal. He quickly turns on the tv, aimlessly zapping while his food slowly gets cold, until he finds something seemingly harmless: a tattoo show. The TV’s sound doesn’t quite fill the room, instead bouncing off the wall tonelessly, but it’s sound nonetheless. He tries to focus on the voices and the stories they tell as he slowly nibbles on his food, but he can’t say he manages to catch much.

Once he’s finished his meal that didn’t really taste like anything, he walks over to the kitchen and adds his plate to the growing pile of dishes. He ran out of clean plates a few days ago, and every day he tells himself he’ll get around to the dishes the next day, but he always ends up cleaning just enough to use for a meal, and then it gets returned to the pile in the sink. 

It’s a bad habit, but like everything else, it’s another small thing that feels like it’s burying him. Sometimes he bothers cleaning out a mug for some coffee, but usually, he just grabs a bottle of water. The counters are a chaotic mess, cupboards disorganized and bare.

He sighs and tells himself that he’ll get to the dishes tomorrow. Maybe someday it’ll be true. He turns without much thought for where he’s headed next. His feet carry him through the living room, where he pauses to turn off the tv; the sounds of the commercials are no longer more soothing than the empty silence. He moves along to the sliding window door and opens it, stepping into the little garden where he is welcomed by a soft spring breeze.

The garden is overgrown, the grass too long, and the path between the many colorful plants not quite visible anymore. He follows it anyway, having memorized its precise course through the garden in all the years they’ve lived here. His eyes trail along the beautiful flowers that have just started to bloom, and a small smile finds its way onto his lips.

Then he turns his attention to their pride and joy, the heart of the garden: a gorgeous little cherry blossom tree, nursed almost to its full adult length from when Seungsik had brought it home, just a small sapling. It’s in peak bloom, the first petals already scattered on the floor. _April already,_ Seungwoo thinks to himself.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” He says softly, bending over to pick up one of the petals. “It’s grown so well. You did such a good job..”

He remembers how they would stand here every year, a few days before Seungsik’s birthday, when the first petals would start falling. He would pick one up, just like he’s done now, and gently place it in Seungsik’s hair. Seungsik would giggle, and Seungwoo would comment on how beautiful he looked. He grips the petal a little too violently, and it snaps, half of it drifting slowly back to the ground.

He stands there, staring after it for a moment too long. A soft breeze picks up the petal for a second, and it flutters towards the tree. Seungwoo follows it, coming to a halt right in front of the tree, where the petal settles on one of the roots. He takes in a sharp breath and sits down next to it, leaning against the tree.

He takes a moment to take a deep breath, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. The cherry blossom smell mixes in with the other various plants. It would be so lovely if only he weren’t alone... He shakes the thought away and lets out a dry chuckle.

“I met up with Chan again this week.” He starts, opening his eyes to look at the soft pink above him. “He’s doing well. You know him; working hard, making good music. And today, I met Subin again. You remember Subin, right? He seems like he’s doing well, though I didn’t really get a chance to talk to him...”

He stays quiet for a moment and sits up straight, turning his attention to the long grass under his fingers. Thoughts mull through his head like a whirlwind, and he can’t make sense of any of them. His mind feels numb. He sighs and plucks at a blade of grass.

“I’m trying, Sik, I really am. But it’s so, so hard when they look at me with so much pity in their eyes. I know they hurt too, but it seems like I’m the only one who’s stuck like this. I couldn’t even tell Subin.. I couldn’t talk about it.” He takes a shuddering breath. “I wish you were here. I really wish you were still here.”

He leans his head back again, right as another petal lets loose from the tree and drifts towards him. His hand trails along the roots of the tree, rough and healthy roots that are sure to grow many more years. All thanks to Seungsik’s hard work. Perhaps he is still there, a piece of him, in the tree and the grass, the roses, and the peonies and all the other plants that nurture so many wonderful creatures. Perhaps if he keeps the garden alive, he keeps that part of Seungsik alive as well.

The thought draws a smile from him, bittersweet and short-lived as it is. “Tomorrow, I’ll mow the lawn, Sikie. And tonight, I’ll find the book that tells you how to differentiate the weeds from the good plants.” He nods resolutely to himself. He can do this much for his Sik. 

He can still hear the soft laugh in his mind. _You think you’re up to the challenge, hyung?_

He exhales, almost smiling again. “For you? Yeah.”

He sits there a while longer, chatting about his week, the weather, and all kinds of other, meaningless things. Eventually, the sun is far below the horizon, darkness firmly settling around him, and he knows he should get up and go back inside.

Spring is supposed to be the time of new beginnings. Seungsik always made it a point to try out something new each spring. Simple things, usually something crafty, like painting or pottery. This time around, for Seungwoo, it’s gardening. It was always Seungsik who kept their garden neat, Seungwoo only ever helped when he was asked, and then it would be to water the plants. He silently wishes he had paid more attention whenever Seungsik diligently and patiently tended to their garden.

He trudges up the stairs to their bedroom, where Seungsik’s books still stand firmly on their shelves. He lets his hand trail along the covers, searching for the ones about gardening. He knows there are at least a few, from the quiet mornings he spent while Seungsik was still softly snoring behind him. Those rare mornings when Seungsik would actually allow himself to sleep in. Seungwoo would stare at the collection, reading the titles and imagining what they could be about, what Seungsik found so fun about them.

He stops at the start of the third row down. There’s a little book that seems out of place, no title or author, yet it looks strangely familiar. He carefully pries the book out from between the others. He turns it around in his hands, and suddenly the realization hits him. He sharply inhales and struggles not to drop it to the floor.

It’s a soft baby blue, with a little unicorn in the bottom right corner. So typically Seungsik. He sits down on the bed, holding his breath as he carefully undoes the magnetic clip that holds the book closed. ‘Diary of Kang Seungsik.’ The first page reads in all too familiar handwriting.

He remembers the day Seungsik told him he kept a diary. “It’s only for really special occasions. Things I want to be able to look back on in 5 years.” He had said, holding the little book up. There had been a bright sparkle in his eyes that had Seungwoo falling even deeper for him. 

“Special occasions.” He sighs and shakes his head, carefully flipping the first page.

_Dear diary,_

_This feels strange? I’ve never written in a diary before >.< _

_I graduated high school! I can finally start college ^0^_

_I figured it would be a good time to start keeping a diary... I won’t write in it every day, though. Maybe only the important things I feel like I need to remember? Or maybe not at all... We’ll have to see! :)_

It’s brief and simple, and so very Seungsik. Seungwoo feels a little bit of warmth spread through his body, so he continues reading. The next few pages are filled with stories of his first days in college, new friends he meets, and classes that seem impossibly difficult. Nearly every sentence ends with a little drawing. Smiley faces, sad faces, and even flowers adorn every page.

It’s clear that he didn’t write every day, but Seungwoo gets the impression he wrote at least once a week at first. After a while, though, the gaps between stories get bigger. There’s a page full of exam stress, and then suddenly one with stories of unfamiliar places he went to on holiday. Seungwoo smiles despite himself.

Time flies by in the little book, and suddenly Seungsik is in one of his last years of college. It’s there that Seungwoo spots an all too familiar name in letters so big he can’t stop the surprised laugh that escapes him.

_SEUNGWOO ASKED ME OUT TODAY! :D I’m so excited!_

_He’s so kind and pretty, even his name is pretty \\(^ - ^)/_

_I don’t think I’ve talked about Seungwoo before?_

_Channie introduced us a while back, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him :)_

_I didn’t think he’d ever like me back, so I didn’t write about him… but apparently he does! >.< _

_We’re going for a coffee Saturday. Oh gosh, now I have to figure out what I’m going to wear... Perhaps Sejun knows._

He didn’t even bother greeting the diary in his excitement. Seungwoo is helplessly endeared. He still remembers the surprised look on Seungsik’s face when he asked him out. It was quickly replaced with the biggest, goofiest grin he had ever seen, more blinding than the sun. Seungwoo immediately knew he was hopelessly falling, and he wanted nothing more than to make Seungsik the happiest man on earth.

He suppresses a sigh and flips the page, wondering if Seungsik wrote about their first date as well. And, of course, he did. Seungwoo finds out he wrote about nearly all of their dates, at least in the first year they were together. From their first coffee date to several dinner dates, and then the first time Seungwoo took him home, they’re all described in great detail.

And the way he describes Seungwoo… it’s so gentle and full of love. Seungwoo feels his smile fade away. Seungsik describes him as if he’s the most wonderful person he’s ever encountered. Even in the moments where he seems to be scared to lose him over something silly they might have argued about, he still speaks of him like that.

It hurts because Seungwoo knows he’s no longer the person Seungsik describes in these pages. He is no longer full of smiles, he hasn’t made music in ages, and he’s certainly looked better. He doesn’t remember the last time he shaved or properly fixed his hair, he can’t even tell if he’s worn any decent clothes these past months. He rubs his eyes tiredly, but he still reads on, unable to put the diary down.

His heart almost stops when he gets to Seungsik’s graduation. There’s barely a word about the actual graduation, because there was something else Seungsik was preoccupied with.

_Dear diary,_

_Seungwoo nearly gave me a heart attack today! He wanted to celebrate my graduation, so he decided to take me out for dinner. The whole time he seemed so nervous? O.o_

_Then he suddenly pulled out this grand speech about how important I am to him, and how it's okay if I think this is coming too soon and he won't be hurt if I say no. I thought he was proposing to me! It made me think he'd lost his mind :'D_

_He must've read the shock on my face because he doubled down on how he would totally be fine if we took things slower, but he still wanted to ask >< The only thing missing was him going down on one knee lol! _

_But then he asked me to move in with him!! After graduation, he thought it would be nice if we could find a place to settle together. It was so cute and romantic! Of course, I immediately said yes ^_^_

_The look on his face was priceless. He was glowing with happiness, I've never seen a smile that big and beautiful (✿ ♡‿♡)_

_He told me he'd go look into places we can visit together, so that I can focus on job hunting <3 aaahh I'm so excited! \o/ _

Seungwoo still remembers very clearly the way Seungsik's eyes widened in shock as he attempted to bring up the subject. He thought at the time that Seungsik was appalled by the idea of moving in with him. Of course they had a good laugh about it afterwards, as they were moving boxes into their first little apartment. He briefly glances up at the boxes full of Seungsik’s possessions that stand tall in the corner. It’s not the same.

He nearly tears the page as he shakingly moves on to the next story. Seungsik wrote a lot about the move and how excited he was to start this new chapter of his life. A few weeks before they actually moved in together, Seungsik got accepted as a nurse for a nearby hospital. The joy is evident; the page has even more smiley faces than most of the others.

Seungwoo gets lost in the little stories of their life together; birthdays and weddings they attended, Seungwoo's first semi-viral song, Seungsik venting about tough days at the hospital. Time flies by, both in life and in the diary, and then they’re moving into their new house - Seungsik filling pages of ideas with renovations, lists of things to buy, and his ideas for the garden he’s always wanted to plant. Little plant drawings border the pages, and the flowers all have cute little faces drawn on them. These passages hurt specially, thinking again back to the overgrown garden that has gotten out of Seungwoo’s hands.

He pushes through and before he knows it he's at one of the more recent stories. Seungsik always liked to take his diary on their little vacations they went on nearly every year. This time was no different. There's a whole array of things they got up to while visiting the mountains. Most of the days were packed with temple visits, except for the last day when they got to hike to the top of one of the mountains.

_Dear diary,_

_Today’s already the last day of our trip :c_

_It’s been so much fun! We finally made it all the way up the mountain, the last thing on our bucket list. It was so cold up there!! Ahh but the view... We took so many lovely pictures!_

_Now off to bed :D I can’t believe how tired I am... Haha what an eventful week ^^~_

Seungsik had included a picture on the page, of the two of them at the top of the mountains. Seungwoo struggles to look directly at it. He can't bring himself to, instead skipping to the next page. His heart drops to his stomach.

_Dear diary,_

_It’s been a week since our trip, but I still feel so tired. I had to go back to work a few days ago, and I keep coming home feeling so exhausted… Seungwoo is worried, I can tell :c_

_I couldn’t-_

Something breaks inside Seungwoo, and he snaps the book shut, unable to read any further. He already knows what he’ll find next. There will still be months worth of pages written, pages he doesn’t want to read. Pages that hold no special occasions, no cute little smileys or drawings of flowers. 

And then there will be nothing, nothing but blank paper, ready for new stories that will never be written. If he doesn’t turn the page, maybe he can pretend there are stories there, of events that never happened, smiles never shared, and tears never shed.

He carefully closes the clasp before gently laying the diary under the pillow that he hasn’t moved in months. He pats the pillow and then fluffs it up, the way Seungsik always liked. A watery smile makes its way onto his lips.

“Goodnight,” he whispers softly, before he turns off the light and crawls under the covers on the other side. Sleep doesn’t come easily, and his eyes remain open, blankly staring at the wall in front of him, his back turned toward the shelves full of memories. The pain that settles like a heavy pit in his stomach feels so familiar now, no longer causing tears to prick at his eyes. Instead, he just feels tired, so unbelievably tired.

Aching exhaustion weighs his eyelids down, and he breathes, but it all still feels so, so heavy.

Sleep finally comes, and it’s something like a relief as Seungwoo falls away once more into darkness.

~

_“Seungwoo…” Warm breath tickles Seungwoo’s neck and a hand trails along his arm. He makes an involuntary noise and squeezes his eyes shut even harder._

_“Five more minutes.” He mumbles and attempts to turn around, but the hand holds his arm in place firmly._

_“Come on, Seungwoo. It’s time for breakfast. You already got five more minutes since the alarm went off.” Seungsik chuckles and presses a soft kiss on his forehead. “Wake up, sleepyhead.”_

_Seungwoo opens his eyes and blinks, slowly letting them adapt to the bright morning sun that just about shines through the gap in the curtains. “It’s too early.” He pouts and attempts to curl into the warmth of Seungsik’s body._

_“I know, baby, but after I’ve left, you can go back to sleep, okay?” Seungsik smiles and gets up, leaving him cold. He extends a hand, however, and Seungwoo takes it, letting him pull him up out of bed._

_“Okay.” He only sulks a little bit more as he rubs his eyes and stretches. Then he diligently pads after Seungsik, stopping only to throw his shirt from the previous night into the laundry basket. He supposes he was too tired to do it last night._

_Once he gets to the kitchen, Seungwoo immediately goes to brew some much-needed coffee for both of them. While the coffee is brewing, he walks over to where Seungsik is making eggs and wraps his arms around him. He feels him chuckle and buries his head into his neck. He tries not to lean on Seungsik too much, but he’s still very sleepy, and his eyes droop a bit._

_“Hyung,” Seungsik says and softly elbows him. Seungwoo hums in acknowledgment. “Get some plates ready, the eggs are almost done.”_

_Seungwoo sighs dramatically and unwraps himself from Seungsik’s back, doing as he’s told. Then he sits down, a cup of coffee warming his hands and waking him up a bit. His mind is already going over everything he has planned for the day, which to be fair isn’t much more than at some point heading to the studio to write._

_Seungsik sits next to him after plating their breakfast and leans into him. It’s cozy and warm, and if it weren’t for the coffee, Seungwoo would’ve drifted off again right then and there._

_“Oh, look,” Seungsik says, soft and in awe. “The cherry blossoms are starting to fall.”_

_Seungwoo looks out the window and smiles as they watch the first petals flutter down._

_“They’re so pretty,” he says, taking a sip of coffee. Their garden is so pretty. He looks over at Seungsik and feels himself grow impossibly warmer. He’s pulled on a soft blue cardigan over his pajamas that looks extra baggy on him, his eyes are gentle, and cheeks a little puffy from sleep. His dark hair is getting longer and reaching his eyes, yet to be styled for the day at the hospital. Seungwoo smiles to himself; his Seungsik is so pretty._

_They eat breakfast in silence, both mostly staring out the window as they slowly but surely wake up. Once they’re done eating, Seungsik continues getting ready for work, while Seungwoo grabs himself another cup of coffee. He sits back down to enjoy the view of their neatly kept garden some more. In spring it’s the most beautiful. Everything is in full bloom, and there are various little critters to be spotted._

_Right when Seungwoo finishes his second cup, Seungsik walks up to him, ready for his day. Seungwoo jumps up and wraps his arms around him. “Good luck at work today, babe.”_

_“Thanks, you too.” Seungsik hugs him back and chuckles. “If you ever do make it to the studio.”_

_“Hey! I usually do,” Seungwoo pouts._

_That pout quickly disappears when Seungsik leans in to give him his daily goodbye kiss. It’s sweet and tender and tastes a bit like toothpaste, which usually wouldn’t go so well with coffee, but Seungwoo can’t find it in himself to care. He closes his eyes and leans into him, prompting Seungsik to deepen the kiss and squeeze him even closer._

_Seungwoo feels him release his grip all too soon, breaking away from him entirely. Seungsik’s eyes look almost wistful as he steps away, and Seungwoo wants to ask what’s wrong, but Seungsik beats him to it, gripping his hand and squeezing._

_“Try,” he whispers softly. “You promised.”_

_Seungwoo blinks in surprise, smile falling from his face. He wants to open his mouth to ask him what he means, but he is taken aback by how distant the room around him suddenly feels._

Then it’s like the lights flicker out, and everything disappears from in front of him. For a moment, he wonders if Seungsik came closer again. Close enough to be blocking out all the light... but then why can’t he feel him anymore?

Then his eyes adapt to the dark and focus on the empty pillow in front of him, and reality hits him, leaving him gasping around the sudden emptiness in his chest. Seungwoo is alone. All the warmth from moments ago is gone, replaced by a cold, chilling loneliness. 

He throws off his blankets, desperate to get rid of the feeling of having something, or someone, wrapped around him. It’s suddenly so suffocating. It’s not the same. It’s not Seungsik.

The blankets land in a sad heap on the other side of the bed, and for a moment, he imagines there being a person buried underneath. He can almost see the movement their breathing would make. He turns around to turn on the light to get his bearings, heart shoved up in his throat.

The light from the lamp on his bedside table barely does anything to illuminate the room, a stark contrast to the blinding sun from his dreams. He shakes his head to rid himself of the image, but then his eyes focus on the floor, where clothes are scattered all around his feet, spreading out from the overfull laundry basket.

The empty and clean floor from his dream flashes in front of his eyes, and it’s so staggering, Seungwoo shoots up and gets out of bed. He has to get out of there. He half runs past the stacks of boxes that almost reach his shoulders.

_Try._

He gets out of his bedroom, into the living area. Dead houseplants sit on the window sill, and he turns away, choking up. He catches a glimpse of the garden, and it’s still in the same disarray. It’s not right. Nothing is right. Past the kitchen, where the dishes cover the sink and the counter around it, sink overflowing. Nothing is right. 

_You promised._

He grabs his coat and steps into his shoes on his way out, only vaguely aware of the fact that he’s in his pajamas. He just _has_ to leave, he _needs_ to get away-

He pulls the door open and steps into a night that seems too dark. The moon is full, high up in the sky, but its light is far too dim. Before the door has fully closed itself behind him, he breaks into a sprint. He doesn’t know where he’s going. His feet seem to find their own path as he runs down the street, takes a turn, and runs down another street, further and further.

He has to get out. That’s all he can think of. He doesn’t look to see if he even recognizes the streets anymore. It doesn’t matter. The houses become fewer and further in between, and still, he runs. In the distance, he can make out the dark shadows of a thick forest, coming closer with each passing second, but still, he runs.

Even when he reaches the edge of the forest, the city’s roads far behind him, he keeps going. He has to get out, whatever that may mean now. Out of where, he doesn’t even know. It doesn’t matter. He keeps running.

He slows down as he nears the edge of dark trees. His ears ring, and his lungs burn from running all this way. Looking into the dark, he only thinks for a moment about turning back, but where would he go? He can’t go back to the house. It’s too much, too different from everything he remembers, yet still achingly full of painful memories.

He takes a shuddering breath, stepping into the trees, now shadowed from the moonlight. There’s something that pulls him in, guides his feet, almost like he’s on a set path.

He finally stops at a small clearing in the trees, the dim moonlight illuminating a phone booth. It stands tall and out of place, and Seungwoo stares at it.

Stepping in the clearing feels strange; there’s no more wind rustling his hair, and all the noises of the forest of trees rustling, insects buzzing, twigs snapping are no longer there. It feels like its own bubble, and the silence is suddenly so loud.

The phone inside starts ringing, and Seungwoo jumps at the noise, freezing once again. What is this? What the hell has he just come across?

He almost thinks about running away, but it keeps ringing and ringing like it’s getting louder, and suddenly Seungwoo can’t take it anymore. He steps inside, and the door shuts behind him, closing the small box around him. The harsh ringing cuts off when he picks up the phone, cold in his hand. He carefully holds it up to his ear, holding his breath while expecting nothing.

He’s shocked still when he hears breathing on the other end of the line. It shoots goosebumps down his arms, and his breath catches in his throat because he knows who it is, and his knees almost buckle.

It can’t be. It just can’t.

“Seungsik?” he barely whispers, holding the phone closer, gripping it hard in his hand. 

“ _Hyung?_ ”

“Sik,” he gasps, tears springing to his eyes. His heart feels like he’s about to explode in his chest, and his hand shakes as he holds the phone to his ear. “Sik, baby, is that you?” 

Holding his breath, he waits in silence, throat suddenly so dry it’s hard to swallow.

“ _Where are you?_ ” He hears a small and broken whisper through the static, and it’s _his_ voice, which Seungwoo hasn’t heard in months. And it’s only a few simple words, but it feels like being shot in the chest. 

“I’m right here, baby,” he whispers, voice shaking. “I’m right here, but where are you?” 

The voice inhales shakily, but nothing else is said. Seungwoo swallows, too desperate to let this go. Not when he’s this close. Not now. “Seungsik?” he calls, but no one answers him, and he shakes his head. “No, no,” he mutters, panic rising in his chest. “No!” 

He slams the phone down and picks it up again, desperate for anything on the other end of the line. Silence. He feels like he’s going to throw up. “No, no, no, please,” he says, hand pushing on the glass window to keep himself upright. “Sik! Please, not again, _please_.”

He puts the phone down again, hand grabbing the handle of the door, pushing against it, but it’s like it’s locked, refusing to open up.

He shoves at the door to get out, but it doesn't budge. He takes a step back to gain momentum to shove harder against it, but his foot never hits the ground, like a ledge just appeared behind him. With nothing there to stop him, he falls back into darkness.

Seungwoo’s world falls away in a blink of an eye, and suddenly there’s no phone booth, no forest, no phone in his hands. 

His mouth is open in a silent scream, and then he’s just falling through nothing. 

For a moment, he feels like he’s slipping through the eye of a needle, and then it’s like everything goes into slow motion. 

He’s falling, arms stretched out in front of him, but it’s less, like gravity isn’t as strong when the world is far away. Planets circle him, and he stares in awe, falling farther and farther away from everything he knew. Rocks float past him, and he thinks he could reach out and brush them with his finger. 

He jars as his back hits something hard, and it’s like he breaks through a barrier because then suddenly he's surrounded in bright red light, falling again at full speed, only barely processing that the bright red is in the sky and clouds fly past his vision, glowing like they’re on fire. 

He burns like a fiery comet flying towards his doom, hot and deadly as he plummets from the sky. He takes his first inhale, fire scorching his lungs. 

Breathing out, he can’t seem to keep his eyes open anymore, everything suddenly becoming too much, dizzy and light-headed as he falls, falls, falls… 

Then as suddenly as it started - nothing. 

~

Seungwoo’s fingers curl in loose gravel, breathing in the acrid smell of smoke. He struggles to open his eyes, blinking to adjust to the light around him.

He slowly pushes himself up on his hands and knees, disoriented and sore. Dust clouds waft around, and the smell of fire and ash surrounds him. He coughs, pushing himself up on his knees, taking in the walls that encircle him. 

He blinks, struggling to fully remember what happened to him, how he got here, where he even _is_ -

All he remembers is falling. Falling so hard that he felt his lungs being crushed and his mind spinning out of control. A headache surges forward as he tries to remember what he saw, what he heard. 

He stops trying to remember, wincing in pain and stumbling to his feet, loose rocks around him. He looks down, stunned at the apparent impact on the earth that was under him. He kneels, fingers brushing through the loose dirt, looking around and up at the old and ruined architecture. 

Surrounding him is a towering colosseum like structure. It’s dark and imposing, and he’s standing directly in the center of it.

_Where is he, indeed._

He stands again, brushing off the dirt and ash clinging to his clothes. Despite the clear evidence of collision in the ground, he feels strangely normal. Freaking out? Yes. Absolutely. But physically, aside from the headache, the only thing he can describe as any kind of discomfort is just feeling like he slept in an awkward position. Nothing like falling thousands of feet through the air and colliding with the ground. Everything says that he shouldn’t even be here, that he should be dead.

Despite not seeing or hearing a soul, he feels like he’s being watched, as if the ruins themselves have eyes. It’s silent, but it doesn’t feel like the silence in the forest. It isn’t loud and suffocating, it’s quiet and has all his senses on high alert. He’s too aware of every noise he makes; the tiniest shift of his feet crunching the gravel, his hurried breathing.

He can’t quite tell how much time passes, but he stands there, still and unmoving, as if he’s part of the ruins, a statue that managed to keep standing. But he doesn’t feel like he belongs here at all. It’s too unnerving. He needs to leave.

Careful to make as little noise as possible, he moves towards one of the exits. He goes slowly, step by step, his eyes constantly shifting from side to side. Every sound makes him freeze, and more than once he imagines seeing something move from the corner of his eyes. 

When he’s almost out he freezes again. He doesn’t dare turn around, standing as still as possible while the seconds tick away, turning into minutes. It feels like hundreds of eyes prick into his back and he can picture it all too well. The rows upon rows of the colosseum packed with people, all their eyes turned on him.

He takes a deep breath, steeling himself, and turns around. The place looks the exact same, completely empty. He sighs. The fall must have shaken him up more than he thought. He turns back toward the exit and steps out.

He steps out of the ruins and stops again. The sun hangs high in the sky over a ruined and barren wasteland. He doesn’t know why he still expected to step out into the forest, but there’s hardly a tree in sight, just a wasteland of ruins and nothingness. It looks all wrong. Everything seems so colorless and lifeless.

_Where on earth did he end up?_

He stumbles forward, trying to wrap his head around everything that’s happening, but he can’t make sense of it. His feet move automatically, away from the strange colosseum, the dirt under his feet is a mix of sand of ash. The silence that lays over the land carries, and all he can hear are the sounds of his own footsteps and labored breathing as he treks further away from the towering landmark.

He feels disoriented and lost. Nothing here is familiar to him. There aren’t any roads to follow, no sign of human life anywhere. His head pounds with every step he takes. The sun is too hot for early spring, and his throat feels dry and tight.

Suddenly, somewhere in the distance, a small group of people appears from behind a rock formation. Something akin to hope blooms in his chest. They must know where he is, perhaps they can show him the way home. At the very least they’ll have water.

They seem to see him right after he spots them. Seungwoo can’t quite tell from this distance, but it seems like they point at him, shouting at each other. He picks up the pace, going towards them, ignoring the ache in his legs. He feels exhausted, both physically and mentally. He just wants to know where he is. 

It isn’t until they are already too close for him to turn and run that he notices their attire. Their clothes are dark, uniform, and helmets cover their faces. It looks like- _military?_

He stops when he sees the rifles they carry, suddenly looking for a way out. He swallows hard, looking around in a panic, but here’s nowhere he can go. The colosseum is too far away, and it would only provide a minimum amount of shelter. Everything else is open space. He tries to breathe as they close in on him, but his head spins, and the panic is suffocating him.

“Captain?” One of them calls out for their superior. Perhaps searching for orders. Orders to let him live, or not.

They’re running towards him now. Seungwoo is frozen, fear has taken complete hold of him. Why are they not shooting him? Confusion mixes in with the terror, and his mind spins again. He’s had one too many mysteries today.

“Captain!” He hears a familiar voice amongst them. That’s strange. He doesn’t know anyone in the military. “You’re alive!”

The man pulls off the helmet that was blocking his face from the sun, and Seungwoo can’t believe his eyes.

_Subin?_

He opens his mouth but then freezes again, mind reeling to connect everything he’s experienced in the last few hours. Subin is here, but he too is wearing that strange, dark uniform. And he’s holding a rifle. Kind, gentle Subin, holding a gun and smiling like it’s the most normal situation ever. 

_What the fuck is happening?_

“You’re alive,” Subin repeats this time more in relief, and in fact, he looks elated, grinning wide, looking around at his group of companions, who erupt into cheers and advance on him.

He can’t even bring himself to say anything. Strangers surround him, strangers with guns. They’re not pointing them at him, but it still chills his spine. He shrinks into himself, eyes searching around frantically for some way out. Subin seems to realize something isn’t right, his sharp eyes narrow, reading the expression on Seungwoo’s face.

“Hyung?” It only takes him raising his hand for everyone to quiet down and stop in their tracks, and he steps closer, slowly, almost like approaching a wild animal. His eyes never leave Seungwoo’s, and Seungwoo swallows in an attempt to find his voice again.

“Where-” He tries, but his voice comes out too soft and shaky. He takes a deep breath before trying again. “Where am I?” He isn’t sure if it’s the most important question right now, but it’s the only one he can seem to get out.

Soft murmuring breaks out around him, but Subin clears his throat and a deafening silence falls again. 

“You’re just past the southern border, nearing our western camp. I do believe you’ve scouted here before…” He looks confused, tilting his head and looking like he’s finally realizing that something maybe isn’t right. It’s almost a relief because Seungwoo is so confused and is waiting for someone else to be too. “Hyung, do you know where you’ve been? What even happened?” 

“Borders? I’ve left the country?” He tries to keep up, not even processing the younger’s question. His brain feels foggy, exhaustion and confusion clouding his thoughts and making it nearly impossible to think.

“Captain? Are you feeling alright?” Someone asks from the crowd. 

Everyone waits, their heads turned towards him, which just confuses him even further. If they’re addressing the captain, surely they must mean Subin. He is clearly the authority. But Subin stays quiet, his piercing eyes scanning Seungwoo for any reaction.

“Captain?” He prompts towards Seungwoo, baffled.

“What?” Seungwoo mutters, holding his head briefly and rubbing his eyes. He feels weak on his feet, he doesn’t even realize he’s swaying until one of the other soldiers steps closer to steady him.

He takes off his helmet, and a sharp, handsome face is revealed, eyeing him closely. His short black bangs stick to his forehead from sweat. “Hyung, do you remember me? It’s Sejun.” 

Seungwoo just stares, mind empty, and so disoriented. He shakes his head, pushing him away. He feels sick, sweat soaked clothes clinging to him uncomfortably, he realizes now that he’s not even in the same clothes as before - similar looking pants and gear as the soldiers in front of him. The shock must’ve finally set in because he can’t even find it in himself to react.

“Do you think he has amnesia?” The taller soldier next to Subin asks. 

“Let’s just get him back to the bunker. I think the heat’s got to him,” Subin says. He looks affronted, clearly trying to find the right way to handle the situation. “We can have Medical take a look at him and go from there. And somebody give him some water. Hanse?” 

“Oh, sure.” The one to his right hands him a small canteen of water, and he obediently takes a few sips. It’s warm, but still quenches his dry tongue. He hands it back appreciatively, but his head still feels foggy. Seungwoo can’t find anything in him to resist as they escort him from there, the group walking on all sides of him. Subin takes the left, cautiously eyeing him every few moments that pass. 

He’s no longer scared, though he doesn’t know whether that’s because he’s too numb or because he’s actually realized none of them pose any threat to him. His feet carry on, without any input from him, something that’s been happening far too often lately. He can’t find it in himself to care.

For a long time, they walk on in silence across the barren landscape. Nothing looks familiar to Seungwoo, though he doubts his mind has the capacity to recognize anything or anyone right now. He jolts when Subin puts a hand on his shoulder. He almost misses the way Subin’s eyes narrow at him.

“Sorry, hyung. I just wanted to ask how you were doing. Do you need any more water?” The sentiment is kind, but Subin’s eyes bore into his, a sharp, piercing gaze that makes him feel almost naked.

He swallows and shakes his head. “I’m good, thanks.” The words sound raspy through his dry throat, but Subin doesn’t push.

Seungwoo turns his gaze forward again, uncomfortably aware of the way Subin stays fixated on him. He can’t focus on that for long, though. There’s been a shift in the landscape; he wonders how he didn’t notice the change sooner. He supposes he was too out of it. He still is, having come to a halt in his surprise. The others stare at him, confused for different reasons.

“What… what happened here?” Seungwoo breathes out, staring ahead, eyes wide and mouth agape.

There are remnants of a city visible in the distance; roads that are cracked and covered in dust, parts of tall buildings, perhaps skyscrapers, that look like they were in the process of being demolished when they were abandoned. There’s no signs of human life around, apart from them.

The remnants of what once was are overgrown with plants; it seems like nature has been trying to reclaim it for quite some time now. 

“What do you mean?” Subin snaps him out of it, his voice sharp.

“The buildings.” He answers, unhelpfully. He scrambles for words, trying to put them into a sentence, but all he can manage is another, “What happened?”

“Hyung…” the soldier to his right sounds baffled, like he can’t even understand the question. 

“You really don’t know,” Subin stares like it’s really sinking in how disconnected Seungwoo feels from everything around him right now. Seungwoo shakes his head, staring at the wreckage around him.

“War happened,” says the soldier behind him. “This is what’s left of the city after the strike that drove us all underground.”

Seungwoo swallows, staring at the crumbled buildings, taken by the complete deadness that hangs over the land. 

“No more questions,” Subin says, starting to walk again. The others fall quiet and Seungwoo has no option but to follow, not risking being left alone in this world that he knows nothing about. 

A million questions shoot through his mind, but he doesn’t think he could find his voice even if he dared to disobey Subin’s order. Eventually, the questions subside, and his mind gets stuck in a loop repeating a single word.

_War_.

It resonates through him with every step he takes.

The ruins of the city come closer with every breath he draws. The group clearly knows their way around the ruins, following a small but noticeable cleared path through the rummage. Subin leads them into the city and Seungwoo stares up the broken down buildings that still tower above them. 

They occasionally stop, clearing the area before continuing down streets littered with abandoned cars and broken windows. Seungwoo’s mouth feels dry again as they make their way through the city, completely shocked by the destruction and desertion. 

They eventually approach what looks like a falling apart warehouse, leading down further where the taller soldier opens up a large metal door, Subin brings a radio up to his face, pressing down on the side button. 

“Sunrise Unit requesting permission to enter,” he says, glancing over at Seungwoo.

“Sunrise Unit, heard,” a voice replies through the static. “Identification number?”

“Nine-nine-zero-four-zero-five,” he states. “Requesting immediate medical assistance upon entry.”

“On-call medic has been notified. Sunrise is cleared for entry.” Subin cuts off the radio, attaching it back on his belt loop. 

Seungwoo jumps when he hears a sudden loud thud beyond the metal doors. The others have no reaction, pulling at the large metal door and going inside. Subin motions with his head for Seungwoo to follow. It’s some kind of industrial elevator system. The floor is metal and the room is smaller than he was expecting. 

Subin pulls the door shut behind him, and there’s a moment's pause before the lift creaks to life, lowering them down into the Earth. The dim lights flicker as it rumbles its way down, and Seungwoo eyes the walls with trepidation. It all feels very claustrophobic. 

They stand in silence, and the soldiers all take off their helmets, revealing young, sweaty faces. Some occasionally glance over at him, so he looks down at the floor to avoid eye contact. There’s a sudden stop at the end that causes Seungwoo to stubble forward slightly, barely catching himself. 

The door opens up, and Subin steps out first, the tall soldier behind Seungwoo guiding him out of the elevator. A small team of people is awaiting, and they all gasp when they see him. 

“Oh my god, _Captain Han_?”

“They found him?”

“Is that really him?” 

Subin pulls aside a woman at the front of the group, who is staring at him in shock. Seungwoo stands awkwardly, not knowing what to say or how to act with all these strangers looking towards him for answers he doesn’t have.

“Medic coming through!” a shockingly familiar voice jolts through Seungwoo, and his head snaps to the side, turning just in time to see a man with a gurney come around the corner.

Seungwoo almost chokes in shock.

_Chan?_

~

“You don’t remember anything?” Chan asks, shining his flashlight in Seungwoo’s eyes. “Nothing about the disappearance, the last five months, the war, _nothing_?”

“I-I’m sorry,” Seungwoo stutters, blinking as Chan clicks his light off, readjusting his eyes. 

“No, no, don’t apologize,” Chan says, turning back to his supplies. “Amnesia is tricky. Your memories will come back randomly and sporadically. Unfortunately, I’m not trained as a neurologist or anything like that, so I really can’t tell you much about it. I’m just your average bullet hole, stab wound, broken leg specialist.” 

Seungwoo gives an uneasy chuckle, glancing at Subin, who’s stare doesn’t waver. He’s still processing that now not one - but two of his friends from his other life are here, and neither of them seems to be freaking out like he is. 

“Have you figured out the cause?” Subin asks, leaning against one of the thick concrete pillars. 

“Well, there’s no concussion,” Chan says. “I really can’t find anything wrong. Physically at least.”

“Then where would the amnesia come from?” Subin asks.

“Stress, or trauma, most likely,” Chan sighs, seemingly unintimidated by the younger’s stoic stare. “The mind can use itself as a wall sometimes to protect itself from traumatic memories and experiences.”

Subin makes a noise, Seungwoo can’t tell if he’s agreeing or annoyed. 

“Strangely, his body doesn’t show any sign of trauma,” Chan says, conceding that much. “But, Seungsik will be relieved either way.” 

Seungwoo’s eyes snap to Chan, not believing what he’s just heard, feeling his heart stutter in his chest. _Did he really just say-?_

“Seungsik?” Subin stands up straight, eyebrows furrowing, clearly seeing Seungwoo’s reaction. “You remember Seungsik?”

Chan turns around to look, and Seungwoo feels like the air is caught in his chest, mouth open with no noise coming out. Seungsik? _Here_? In this dead, desolate world?

The curtain suddenly gets pulled back, and a figure steps inside, and Seungwoo’s silent question is answered with a wave of chills that shoots down his spine, shock slamming into him like a brick wall.

Seungsik stands right in front of him, breathing labored like he ran here as fast as he could. It’s a vision straight out of his memories - long legs and pretty dark hair. His eyes are wide and frantic, scanning over the room until he stops on him. Seungwoo gets tunnel vision for a moment, time slowing down, and every heartbeat has miles between it. 

“You’re alive,” Seungsik whispers, stepping towards him, eyes full of tearful disbelief. 

“Sik?” Seungwoo breathes, standing up from the cot, feeling his chest heave and a strange, light-headed feeling take over. 

He’s unable to say anything else, getting the air knocked out of him as Seungsik throws his arms around him, pulling him close, chest shuddering. Seungwoo clings back in shock, hands digging into the round material of Seungsik’s dark jumpsuit. 

“I knew you were alive,” Seungsik whispers, breath hot against Seungwoo’s neck. His words are choked and full of exhausted relief. “I just knew it. I could _feel_ it.” 

Seungwoo feels like his mind is running on a treadmill too fast, and he’s stumbling along, barely keeping up with what’s happening. 

Seungsik is in his arms. Alive. Breathing. _Crying,_ head buried into his shoulder.

“Baby?” Seungwoo chokes, still in complete disbelief. He holds the back of Seungsik’s head in his hand. Seungsik smells different, like cold stone and sweat, nothing like the bright peaches and vanilla he still smells in his dreams, but his hair is still soft under Seungwoo’s fingers, and he just exhales, shock expanding like a balloon inside his chest.

Seungsik pulls back, eyes glistening and tear tracks shining on his face. It’s the most beautiful sight Seungwoo has ever seen in his life. 

Carefully, _ever_ so carefully, Seungwoo reaches up and touches his face, thumb grazing over his cheek in awe, still scared that it’ll cause cracks to break across the delicate skin, and the vision will shatter before him into a pile of dust. 

Seungsik’s bottom lip trembles, sniffling, leaning into Seungwoo’s touch, grasping Seungwoo’s hand in his own. He closes his eyes, leaning their foreheads together, breathing the same air, and Seungwoo can’t stop himself from just staring, soaking in every detail like a dying man stumbling upon water. 

“This is real?” Seungwoo breathes, every breath trembling, every limb shaking. 

Seungsik nods, a soft but relieved sob leaving him. He wipes at his eyes, briefly glancing around. Seungwoo sees the realization that there are others in the room flicker over his face.

“Chan,” he starts, clearing his choked voice, ducking his head. 

“It’s okay, Sik,” Chan murmurs, stepping forward and resting a hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay now.”

Seungsik sniffs, nodding, looking over at Subin, a silent question in his eyes.

“We’re all fine, hyung,” Subin says, shocking Seungwoo by how gentle his voice suddenly becomes. “I was with Byung and Sejun when we found him just beyond the border. We all came back together.”

“Is he-” Seungsik starts, looking back at Seungwoo, “Are you injured in any way? Did Chan already examine you?”

Seungwoo merely manages to nod, mind scrambling for words, and Chan steps in. 

“He has what seems like a severe case of amnesia,” he says, and Seungsik’s eyes flicker in shock. “He doesn’t remember anything of where he’s been or where he was taken, but your name seemed to trigger something in him, so maybe you’re the only thing he remembers.”

“Is that true?” Seungsik asks him, eyebrows knitted together in concern.

“I-I mean,” Seungwoo stutters, still figuring out how to talk when it’s Seungsik right in front of him. “Most of you are familiar to me,” he manages to say. It’s the best he’s got for any kind of reasonable explanation for himself. 

Chan hums thoughtfully. “Okay, that’s a start. But don’t worry, Sik, we’ll figure this out.”

Seungsik seems a little shaken by the news but tries to shake it off with Chan’s encouragement, managing a reassuring smile. It’s too familiar for Seungwoo’s memory.

“Well, I don’t plan on keeping you two any longer,” Chan says, squeezing Sik’s shoulder before letting him go. Seungsik gives him a nod and a smile, turning back to Seungwoo with a light in his eyes. It’s small, brilliant, and shining, and he steps up to Seungwoo again, looking an edge away from shy. 

“Let’s go?” Seungsik asks, tilting his head, and Seungwoo has absolutely no reason to resist, nothing else on his mind except how Seungsik is in front of him, how he’s grabbing Seungwoo’s hand and leading him out of the medical hall. 

Seungsik tugs him along a maze of dark, sparsely lit hallways. Seungwoo’s feet follow ten steps ahead of his brain, still caught up in how any of this is even happening. He wonders if he’s dreaming, no matter how impossibly real it all feels.

“Where are we going?” he asks belatedly, and Seungsik looks back, surprised, and then suddenly sheepish. 

“Oh,” he says, shaking his head. _Amnesia_ , he seems to be reminding himself. “Back to our room… Is that okay?”

_Our room._

Seungwoo can’t even react properly, but the phrase makes his throat close up, and tears sting at his eyes. He can only nod, emotions rising in his chest. Seungsik smiles softly at his reaction, reading him like an open book. 

“We’re almost there,” he gently leads, guiding Seungwoo once more. They turn down a hallway that’s a little bit brighter and has lots of identical doors. Seungsik goes three down and opens it, glancing over his shoulder at Seungwoo as he enters.

Stepping in behind him, Seungwoo feels unsure and unfamiliar while entering the space. _Our room_ \- is what Seungsik called it, but Seungwoo sees nothing that indicates that this was their personal space. It all looks so barren and plain. One yellowing light bulb hangs from the flat concrete ceiling, illuminating the room in a dim glow. Everything is incredibly uniform, utilitarian in design, and the same damp concrete smell that lingers over the bunker blankets the room. 

The double sized bed is the only indication that two people once lived here. Seungwoo imagines that other rooms have bunks beds. It’s strange, thinking about how Seungsik filled their home with soft blankets, about ten more houseplants than needed, colorful photos, and far more scented candles than he could ever use. 

He sits on the bed as Seungsik moves about the room, running his fingers over the material. The thick blanket on Sik’s bed is coarse under Seungwoo’s fingers, and the mat underneath is thin and hard, a single pillow resting at the top propped against the wall. A small table sits next to it, and a metal cabinet is in the corner for what Seungwoo assumes is for clothes. It’s nothing like how they used to live. Not even close. 

“Are you tired?” Seungsik asks quietly. “You probably want to rest. Who knows what you’ve been through…” 

Seungwoo just keeps staring, realizing that it couldn’t be further from the truth. He feels shocked with energy, more awake than he has been for probably the entirety of last year. 

Seungsik looks at him, noticing his lack of response. His expression softens, coming over and standing in front of Seungwoo. Seungwoo grabs his hands, leaning his head on Seungsik’s stomach. Seungsik cards a hand through his hair, and Seungwoo can’t help but deflate.

“You can’t be real,” Seungwoo whispers, looking up, and Seungsik makes a soft noise, moving to sit down next to him on the bed. 

“Why can’t this be real?” Seungsik says, holding his hands in his own. Seungsik’s hands are warm and calloused, not soft like Seungwoo remembers. But they feel real, _so_ real. It makes his shoulders shake as he exhales.

“I don’t know, I-” Seungwoo says, and he looks into Seungsik’s eyes, so lifelike and so achingly familiar. “I just thought I would never see you again.”

Seungsik swallows, eyes shining in the dim light. 

“I always knew,” Seungsik whispers, holding his hand tighter. “Even when people told me I shouldn’t believe you were still out there. But I couldn’t. Not when there was so much we didn’t know.”

Seungwoo sniffs, and Seungsik scans his face. His eyes flicker down to Seungwoo’s lips, and he inches closer, closing the small amount of space that was still between them.

“Can I show how real this is?” Seungsik asks, and Seungwoo takes several watery blinks, giving a small nod.

Seungsik licks his lips, the same emotions mirroring in his own brown eyes, and he leans in slowly like he’s letting Seungwoo stop him if he wants to. 

Seungwoo can’t even breathe, much less move as Seungsik gets so unbelievably close. He watches Sik’s pretty eyelashes flutter shut, memorizing all the things he thought he would never see again, and then Seungsik’s lips press delicately against Seungwoo’s, and all thoughts short circuit because Seungsik is _kissing_ him. Right here, right now, pulling Seungwoo closer as his hands sneak around his neck.

Seungwoo finally starts to kiss back and Seungsik hums, pulls away, looking into his eyes. “Real enough?” 

Seungwoo nods, taking an unsteady breath, unable to stop the unbelievable laugh that leaves his chest because he’s suddenly realizing how _real_ this all is - just like Seungsik said. Seungsik lights up the smallest bit deep in his dark eyes, his beautiful smile peeking through at last. 

Seungwoo takes what feels like a breath of fresh air, then pulls their lips together again, deepening it this time, pressing himself on Seungsik. It feels like life is moving once again in his veins, light opening up his chest, grief lifting off his shoulders. Seungsik sighs against his mouth, fluidly meeting every movement with his own, and Seungwoo remembers it all so clearly, how well they fit together. 

Seungwoo pushes against Seungsik’s chest, leading him down onto the thin mattress, and Seungsik falls back, something soft and beautiful shining in his eyes. Seungwoo crawls over him, joining their lips together again and he just melts into it, the way that Seungsik’s hands travel along his back, the way his long legs shift restlessly underneath him, the tiny noises he makes when Seungwoo bites at his bottom lip or the sighs when their tongues slide together like velvet. 

Seungwoo sneaks a hand between them, pulling at the buttons of Seungsik’s top. Seungsik makes a sound, pulling away for a moment to catch his breath. 

“Is this okay?” Seungwoo asks, kissing at the corner of his mouth, fingers working at the buttons.

“You’ve never had to ask, hyung,” Seungsik says, tilting his head to the side, encouraging Seungwoo’s mouth to travel down. 

He leans back to pull open his shirt, beautiful and laid out beneath him, but a soft shocked noise leaves him at the scars he finds scattered over Sik’s chest. It’s startling because Seungsik always had such lovely soft unmarred skin. Seungwoo trails a hand over one of the longest ones across the top of his stomach. Seungsik tenses under him, reaching to grab his hand. They meet eyes, and Seungsik swallows, shaking his head. 

“I’m okay,” he says, and Seungwoo nods, not fully understanding what he’s referring to, but he leans back down, happy to take his mind away from it as his hands explore the newly bared skin, warm and trembling under his hands, especially as Seungsik moans so prettily into his mouth.

Seungwoo still can’t even begin to fathom how he’s here. How Seungsik is here. How any of this is possible right now, but he can’t stop himself from taking in Seungsik like a full buffet, laid out for his tasting. 

And taste he does, savoring every hot stroke of tongues against each other and sweet whimper. Seungwoo kisses him especially slow, drawing out those noises patiently - and each one is so, so sweet, so lovely in Seungwoo’s ears. 

Seungsik shifts restlessly under him, hands running up and down his back, gripping appreciatively at his shoulders. “Hyung,” Seungsik's head falls to the side, the prettiest shade of pink, lips wet and bitten, looking so delectable. 

Seungwoo makes a noise in response, nosing at his jawline, taking his earlobe in his mouth, teasing him, closing his eyes when Seungsik’s pretty noise shoots a thrill down his spine. 

“Why are you being like this?” Seungsik pants in his ear, Seungwoo hums as he sucks slowly on the warm skin of his neck.

“Like what?” Seungwoo murmurs, mouthing at the slope of Seungsik’s neck. His tongue explores all the once knew, massaging over the little spots he knows drives Sik crazy. Sure enough, Seungsik shifts under him, a soft whimper finding Seungwoo’s ears.

“So gentle.” Seungsik’s reply sounds small and overwhelmed, enough to make Seungwoo pause and look up from his spot.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Seungwoo breathes, and Seungsik’s eyes gleam under him. He doesn’t say anything else, taking in a shaky breath and pulling him back down, kissing him again, mouths moving hot and wet against each other. 

Seungwoo takes it all in stride, Seungsik seems almost frantic, tugging Seungwoo along faster than he wants to go. “Baby, slow down,” Seungwoo whispers. He pulls away, kissing at his jaw, then taking his time traveling down Seungsik’s chest, kissing and sucking at his tan skin. 

Seungsik shudders, chest pushing up against him, back arched. “Hyung, please,” he whimpers, hands gripping down on Seungwoo’s shirt. He starts tugging at the bottom hem, pushing it up Seungwoo’s chest, physically begging for more skin between them. 

Seungwoo finally pulls back, giving into Sik’s intoxicating pleas, tugging the shirt up and over his head. He looks down at Seungsik’s pink flushed face and messy hair and feels himself getting ready to fall in love all over again, taking in satisfaction as Seungsik’s hungry eyes drink in his muscular chest. But then something changes, and like a chilling wind extinguishing a hot flame. 

Seungwoo sees the shift happen almost in slow motion. How Seungsik’s eyes stayed glued to his chest a little too long, then back up at him. It’s a pause. A full stop where Seungsik’s eyes pierce into him, and there’s no more heat, all anticipation crumbling from burning hot embers to ash. 

Before he can even ask what’s wrong, he’s being flipped on his back with a surprised grunt leaving him. Seungsik is scrambling for the bedside table, grabbing something that glints. Seungwoo realizes too belated to move, but the alarm registers all the same - _knife_.

“Sik! What-” Seungwoo shouts, arms coming up to defend himself, trying to scramble away.

Seungsik shoves him down and roughly straddles him, shoving his arms down, eyes wild, breathing heavily. Entirely unprepared to defend himself, Seungwoo presses back into the mattress, hands above his head, heavy force pinning his wrists down, heart pounding against his chest. 

Seungsik’s brown eyes are void of any previous softness, now replaced with a burning intensity that Seungwoo has never seen in Seungsik’s eyes. “Who are you?” he demands, voice shaking despite the strong hold he has on Seungwoo’s arms.

“Sik-”

“ _Who_. _Are. You._ ” Seungsik repeats. He shakes above him, but bares down menacingly on each word, dark hair hanging over into his eyes.

“Han Seungwoo-”

He flinches as the cold metal of the knife pressed against his throat, and Seungsik leans in close, brown eyes burning into his soul. Seungwoo never thought that Seungsik ever could be this menacing. It’s terrifying. 

“You think this is some kind of sick joke?” he hisses, and Seungwoo is left speechless, fear and confusion crashing down on him at once. 

“You’re not him,” Seungsik’s flushed cheeks and bitten red lips clash with the dark aura he emits, looming above Seungwoo like a predator. “You’re not. I _know_ you’re not him.”

Seungsik glances up around, lunging for his radio. Seungwoo doesn’t dare move, not with a knife hovering a centimeter above his skin.

“Kang, Code Red! Urgent back-up needed in my quarters. Over.” Seungsik stares down at him, swallowing thickly. 

Seungwoo's heart jumps as someone immediately bursts through - Subin has his gun trained on him, eyes sharp, not even blinking at the state he’s found them in.

“I got him, hyung,” he says, and Seungsik relieves his hold, retracting the knife from Seungwoo’s neck. 

“What’s wrong?” Sejun comes in after Subin, Hanse also behind. They stare at Seungsik straddling Seungwoo on the bed, lingering on Seungwoo, half-naked and frozen in fear. 

Seungsik gets off, stumbling a moment as he joins the others, haphazardly buttoning up his shirt, Seungwoo is still too shocked to move, hyper-aware of the gun focused on his head. 

“It’s not him,” Seungsik says, he looks visibly shaken, and his eyes linger on Seungwoo, almost like he’s been betrayed. 

“What do you mean it’s not him?” Sejun says, looking very confused.

“Sit up,” Subin orders, and Seungwoo obeys, slowly sitting up, hands raised slightly. 

“He’s missing the bullet scar on his stomach,” Seungsik says. “And the scar from Chan’s operation… it’s-” Seungsik stumbles over his words, stepping farther away from Seungwoo, hands going up in his hair. “I-I don’t know _how_ , but it’s _not_ him-”

“Okay,” Sejun whispers, a tone that Seungwoo knows is to calm Seungsik down, saying that he doesn't fully understand, but he _believes_ him. He motions with his hand to approach, taking cuff from one of his pockets. 

“Put your shirt on,” Subin says gesturing with his gun.

Seungwoo scrambles to follow orders, pulling on the shirt he had just discarded on the side of the bed. He looks back at Seungsik, so confused, not keeping up with what’s happening. What did he mean he’s not who he says he is?

“This is just precaution,” Sejun says, stepping up to Seungwoo, handcuffs in hand. Subin’s aim on him doesn’t waver as he slowly puts his hands forward, air trapped in his lungs. 

He swallows his panic as Sejun handcuffs him, the cold metal tight around his wrists. Standing when Sejun pulls him up, he’s once again left with his mind racing, wondering what the _hell_ is happening to him.

“I need everyone in the conference room,” Seungsik says. “Immediately.” 

“Doyeon is still out with her unit to the east. And I think Byungchan and Seungyoun are still resting from their shift,” Hanse says.

“Wake them up,” Seungsik orders, sending chills down Seungwoo’s spine. “And call back any units beyond our borders.” His dark eyes focus back on Seungwoo, and he fights to hold such piercing eye-contact - swallowing the thick realization that this isn’t the same Seungsik he knew before. 

Seungsik turns and leaves the room, and Seungwoo feels a push behind him. He has no choice but to follow.

  
  



	2. into the new world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for joining us again on part 2 of this journey!! we're very excited to bring you all more of this adventure and we hope you all enjoy ^^
> 
> (also mayday seungsik sexc)

“So you’re saying that we found the _wrong_ Seungwoo?” Byungchan says, hands out open in front of him, exacerbated. 

“All I’m saying is that there are details that are all wrong,” Seungsik says. “Isn’t it strange that Seungwoo - who has been missing for _months_ , shows up in the middle of no man’s land, with no memory of anything that happened over the last ten years of our lives, and is missing old scars.”

“So your explanation is that he’s some clone or something?” he retorts, “I’m sorry, but that’s _insane_.”

“I knew it,” Subin says.

“You did not _know it._ ”

“I _did_ ,” Subin insists, tone edging near dangerous. 

“How does this make any sense at all?” Byungchan asks, looking back and forth between the members at the table, who are all looking various levels of perplexed. The panel gathered in front of Seungwoo is a mix of old and new faces, all surrounding a sizable long table, with him sitting handcuffed at the end. Seungsik sits directly across, and it’s still hard not to stare despite the cold expression on his face. 

“Well, let’s ask him then, shall we?” Subin snaps, and all eyes then turn towards Seungwoo - who can only stare back, just as confused. “Are you a clone?”

“What, no-” Seungwoo starts to deny but is cut off.

“Is Chan coming to confirm about the scars?” a tall man to the right of Seungsik asks.

“You don’t believe me?” Seungsik says. Seungwoo feels that same chill run down his spine; Seungsik’s eyes glint dangerously in the light.

“It’s not that, Captain.” A young woman steps in, putting her hand on the table. “But an opinion from our resident medic would be helpful, if for some reason there is some kind of bizarre medical explanation.”

“Even I know that scars won’t fade only after months.” Sejun says. “Years? Maybe. Decades? Sure. But he only had that operation a year ago. And bullet scars don’t ever fade completely. I think a handful of us even at this table can attest to that.”

Several agreeing hums occur around the table, and Seungsik nods. “He’s too different,” he says. “Something isn’t right.”

Seungwoo feels all eyes turn back to him and shifts restlessly against his bound wrists. 

“So,” Byungchan motions at him, hand waving for any kind of explanation. “What’s your story?”

“I-I’m not…” Seungwoo stalls out, but the expectant looks from the others push him forward. “...from here, per se.”

Several sets of eyes blink at him before there’s suddenly another burst of chaos, arguments and questions being all shouted over one another. 

“What the hell does that _mean_?” 

“What is he talking about?”

“Not _from_ here?”

Seungsik stands up, slamming his hands on the table. 

“Enough!” he snaps, sharply cutting off the noise. It makes Seungwoo flinch because Sik never raised his voice like that, not when it was serious. 

“Chan reported that you have amnesia,” Seungsik says, staring down Seungwoo from the opposite end of the long table. Seungwoo wonders how someone so identical to his Sik could act so different, so cold. “Is that true?”

Seungwoo swallows, eyes falling down. “No,” he says, hearing a small gasp from somewhere in the room including a soft, “knew it” muttered under Subin’s breath.

“I have all my memories,” he continues, hands wringing nervously in the handcuffs, glancing up around the room. “But none of them are memories of this place. I’m sorry that I don’t know how else to explain it, but I lived a life that was never here.”

“Another world?” Sejun murmurs, and Seungwoo looks at him, hesitating to nod but having no other way to explain it. 

“I just woke up here,” Seungwoo says, “I was so confused about where I was, I just started wandering, and that’s when you found me.” 

“Do you remember anything about how you got here?” A woman asks. “You said you woke up here? What happened before? Do you remember?”

Seungwoo glances at Seungsik, swallowing. “I-I had a dream… The night it all happened. I woke up and needed to get out. I needed air. I just felt pulled into the forest. I don’t know why, I never went there before, but I just… felt like I had to.”

“I found a phone booth in the middle of a small clearing. It was so strange, so out of place. But I wasn’t afraid. So I stepped inside, and I picked up the phone.”

Seungwoo remembers the quiet but frantic breathing, he closes his eyes, knowing there’s no way he could say for sure, but in his heart he knows what he heard. He just feels it. 

“I heard breathing, almost like crying,” he says, then looks up at Seungsik. “Your breathing,” 

Seungsik looks a little stunned, mouth closing.

“Seungsik?” Hanse says, straightening up. “How would you know that?” 

“I don’t know _how_ ,” Seungwoo whispers. “But I just did. I even said his name. And that’s how I know for sure because then he said, _‘Where are you?’_ ” 

Seungsik’s expression is split somewhere between shock and disbelief. 

“What I don’t understand is how you can not be _‘from here,’_ ” Subin cuts in, using air quotes, “but you still know who Seungsik-hyung is.” 

Subin’s suspicious stare pins him down, and Seungsik shifts uncomfortably as more focus is brought to him. “You acted like you knew exactly who he was in the medical hall,” Subin continues. “That’s what convinced me the most that you were who you said you were, but there was still something off…”

Seungsik doesn’t say anything, looking to Seungwoo, waiting for an answer. He seems uncomfortable, like he’s struggling to meet Seungwoo’s eyes. Seungwoo struggles to focus, trying to not get pulled away into thoughts of how he shied under his careful caresses, how his hands clung to his shoulders. 

“I know him the same way you know me,” he finally says, breaking his eyes away from Sik to scan the others surrounding the table. “It’s the same way I look like someone that you all know, but clearly am not.” 

“So you’re saying that you know a _version_ of him,” someone clarifies. Seungwoo nods, choosing not to elaborate anymore. Knowing, knew, what’s the difference at this point. 

There’s a pause as they take in his words. He swallows, sitting up straighter. “You say that I’m not who I say I am,” Seungwoo says, wrists shifting under the metal cuffs. “But I am Han Seungwoo. I was born on December 24th, 1994, and my parents are-”

“Stop,” Subin orders, glaring across the table. “Anyone can recite facts. I can’t be the only one that’s not buying this _other world_ story. Who sent you, and why are you here?”

“You think he was sent here by someone?” a young woman with short hair says. Subin glances at her, nodding once.

“We’re all wary of what kind of tech that PDX has gotten their hands on,” Subin says. “What if this is some new trick to get on the inside. To get us to trust him?”

“Well if he’s a spy, he’s doing a terrible job,” a man to Seungwoo’s right says, earning a couple of chuckles. 

“Is he?” Subin asks. “Here we all are, arguing amongst ourselves whether or not to trust him. This could’ve been their plan all along.”

“ _I,_ personally, would like to hear the rest of his story,” Byungchan loudly interrupts Subin’s interrogation, earning a glare shot his way. “What happened after you heard the voice? Whether it was Seungsik or not.”

Seungwoo glances around. All eyes are focused back on him. “I remember that he stopped responding… and I tried to get out of the box, but the door wouldn’t open - I was trapped.”

A headache starts to burn at the front of his skull as he struggles to piece together his scattered memory. “Then I was falling. Falling from so high up, it was terrifying. Like the world was just ripped away from me.”

“Then I woke up here,” he finishes. “I had no idea where I was or how I got here. I was just confused, so I started walking, looking for anything recognizable or that gave me any hint at all of where I was… That’s when you found me.” 

There’s another pause. People stare at him, picking apart everything he’s saying. 

“Seungsik hyung?” Sejun prompts, and Seungsik looks up. “What are you thinking?”

Seungsik takes in a deep breath and lets it go. “Seungyoun,” he calls, and the man to Seungwoo’s right sits up. “Have you gotten anywhere else with your research? Does this sound familiar to you?”

Several people around him quietly sigh like they know exactly what he’s referring to. Seungwoo looks around, confused. What research are they talking about? Have they come across something like this before?

Seungyoun glances at Seungwoo, a thoughtful look on his face. “This certainly doesn’t disprove any theories that we’ve been exploring.” Seungsik nods, something almost hopeful glancing across his face.

“It would be helpful to see the sight that he ‘landed’ in, so to speak,” Seungyoun says, and Seungsik nods along.

“Hyung,” Subin says quietly, “I don't know if we should really be putting in any more time into this… Are you sure you trust his story?”

Seungsik looks back at him, a series of conflicts battling in his eyes. “He… he didn’t hurt me,” Seungsik finally says, looking over at Subin. “We were alone, and he could have. He had every opportunity to.” 

Seungsik and Subin maintain eye contact a moment longer, some kind of silent communication happening between the two. Subin seems to take it for what it is. He backs off, nodding, and Seungsik looks grateful. 

Seungwoo lets out a shaky exhale, relieved that Seungsik believes him just enough to trust him for now. 

Seungsik looks back at him, and Seungwoo blinks at him, grateful and sorry at the same time. “Would you take us to the place you woke up?” 

Seungwoo swallows. “I can,” he says, not sure what other option he even has. Seungsik nods, looking down, like looking at him is almost too painful. Seungwoo, on the other hand, can’t look away, still living in every moment he can see his face for just a moment more. 

“So it’s settled,” Seungsik says, looking around for any dissent. The room stays quiet. “We’ll leave at dawn.”

~

Seungwoo stands a bit awkwardly, unsure of where to go, as everyone else gets up and makes their way out of the room, talking amongst themselves. He meets eyes with Seungsik again, who turns and says something to Sejun before walking out himself, not sparing Seungwoo another glance.

Sejun walks over to him and takes off the handcuffs, muttering a quiet apology. “Looks like you’ll be staying with us for the night, hyung.” He adds, a hesitant smile on his lips.

It doesn’t quite come as a surprise, but the realization that Seungsik doesn’t want him near him still hits hard. Seungwoo nods, rubbing his sore wrists.

“Let’s go get you settled then.” A hand squeezes his shoulder roughly, and he turns, coming face to face with a cheerful Hanse.

Seungwoo nods again, and before he knows it, he’s escorted away from the conference room, briefly meeting eyes with Subin, who stalks after them with a sour expression.

Of the squadron, Sejun is the most friendly off the bat, and he still seems apologetic that he was the one to put him in handcuffs. He takes the liberty of showing him around the barracks, which are set up very differently from Seungsik’s space. 

Six bunk beds are spread out equally across the room, each with large metal lockers next to them. It’s a small room for twelve people, but Sejun tells him that each unit has its own assigned space, and theirs is actually one of the larger ones. They roll out a mat for him on the floor and give him what seems to be the standard loungewear for the facility, plain grey pants, and a standard-issue dark tee. 

He’s then directed to the large communal bathroom, where Hanse makes a passing comment about how he looks like he really needs to take an in-depth tour of the showers. Sejun laughs in shock, and Seungwoo actually smiles. 

Seungwoo is honestly just thankful for a lighthearted interaction after Seungsik completely flipped the switch on him. He still feels the lingering shock from that moment as he washes, shivering at the dark aura Seungsik had as he loomed above him, a knife pressed threateningly against his bobbing throat. 

He never in a million years thought Seungsik could be capable of something like that. The Seungsik he knew was soft, gentle, there was no dark side that could be turned on so suddenly… It was like day and night. He wonders what someone has to go through to act like that - what _Sik_ would have to go through to stop being that same gentle soul. 

It’s all too much, and Seungwoo has to forcibly stop himself from thinking any more, turning off the shower before someone comes and looks for him. He dries off with the thin, scratchy towel he was given and puts on the borrowed clothes. They’re a bit too small for him. The pants don’t reach past his ankles, and the shirt clings a little more than what he’s used to, but he’s beyond complaining at this point. Right now, he just wants to sleep. 

He quietly makes his way back into the room. The soldiers are talking amongst themselves, barely even glancing his way as he enters and sits down on his mat. Only Subin eyes him suspiciously from his lower bunk, and Seungwoo tries to ignore it.

“Someone keeps stealing my socks,” one of the younger soldiers complains while sitting on his top bunk. 

“I’m innocent,” Hanse calls across the room, but cackles when he groans and flops back on his bed. 

“My mom sent me those,” he grumbles.

“Hanse, be nice to Jungmo,” someone else calls out. “He’s new.” 

“I said I was innocent!”

Seungwoo smiles at the interaction. It’s less intimidating to be around them when he sees how young and playful the soldiers can still be. While it’s comforting, it’s also sad. They’re all so young… and to be trapped in a world like this… It makes him feel like he didn’t appreciate what he had before as much as he maybe should have. 

He decides that it's time to settle down for the night. His eyes itch to be closed, and he feels sore all over. 

Subin still watches him the most closely. He swears he can feel his eyes from across the room even as he curls up on his mat, facing the wall. 

He’s exhausted, so he closes his eyes. He lays there, unable to push away thoughts of feeling Seungsik's lips against his as he slips away. Lingering on his lips is the feeling of his hot breath against his mouth, the way he trembled under his hands, the way he carded his hands through his hair, fingers digging into the locks with a shaken breath, and he can’t help but _yearn_ for more. 

Sleep comes after only a matter of moments, Seungsik’s name on his lips. 

~

Waking up on the floor of the barracks really solidifies how real this all is. Seungwoo is roused to the noise of the squadron getting ready for their day. He’s given a similar kind of gear to change into, a black long sleeve, a dark grey jumpsuit, and a pair of thick black boots. 

He changes into his gear, looking around at all the others in similar outfits. He follows them to a mess hall, getting into a line for food. Everyone seems a tired kind of quiet, like no one is quite awake yet. His stomach growls as the smell of food hits his nose, and he realizes he hasn’t eaten since he got here.

He gets an odd look from the kitchen staff as he goes through the line, but he just keeps his eyes ducked, following the group to a table. It’s some kind of porridge, but his stomach is grateful regardless as he spoons it up. Conversation floats across the table, but Seungwoo doesn’t really pay attention. 

“Attention!” Subin calls, and everyone including Seungwoo looks up. 

“Today, we’ll be going south, crossing over the border into no man’s land.” Subin says, eyes scanning across the present soldiers. “Remember that this is an active warzone and that it’s possible that we may come across hostiles or enemy scouts. This is not a combat mission, but stay alert and vigilant - we have non-combat units with us, and it’s our responsibility to keep them safe. Lieutenant Choi Seungyoun and his unit represent our science and research division, and we also have…” Subin’s eyes settle on him, “Our guide.” 

Seungwoo finds himself the center of attention again, all eyes following Subin’s and landing on him.

“All combat units are under the command of Captain Kang and Lieutenant Choi once we reach the site. Assist in any way you are instructed.” Subin nods, “That’s all I have for your brief. We head out in T-minus five. Be ready.”

Everyone hastily finishes their food, and Seungwoo follows suit, not wanting to go hungry in the field. He has half a mind to pick up his plate and bring it back to the kitchen, but then everyone stands up and moves to leave the hall, and he has no choice but to follow along.

He gets a little lost in the crowd as they seem to move as one. He’s the only one not familiar with the way they march, and he feels very out of place. When they near the elevator, everyone comes to a stop, forming a line in front of a door on the left.

Seungwoo follows suit, not quite sure what they’re lining up for, but then Sejun steps out of the room amongst some others, some of the first to have gone in, he assumes. They’re all carrying guns, and Seungwoo feels chills run down his spine again. He wonders how long it will take for him to get used to the whole ‘ongoing war’ thing.

He doesn’t get much time to think about that before Sejun spots him and walks over, pulling him out of the row of people.

“You’re not getting a gun, I’m afraid. Though, I doubt you’d want one?” He cocks an eyebrow at him as he leads him to the front, where Subin stands with several others.

“Oh. I didn’t-” Seungwoo stumbles over his words, and Sejun chuckles at his confusion.

“Those were the armories. That’s where we store our guns when we’re not out in the field.” He explains, and Seungwoo nods dumbly.

He stays close to Sejun while waiting for everyone to get their gear ready, keeping his eyes trained firmly on the ground. Sejun goes on about the armories, how the guns are stored and divided, how they know which to pick. Seungwoo doesn’t really pay attention, but it’s nice to have some background noise to silence his thoughts with.

Once all the soldiers have their gear, they move to an area that Seungwoo recognizes, right where he was brought in. The large industrial elevator sits in front of him, and the soldiers linger, doing final gear checks. 

Seungwoo turns his head just in time to see Seungsik walk into the room, wearing bulky combat boots and his dark jumpsuit clinging to his waist. Seungwoo still feels that same rush of chills run down his spine, mouth going dry and heart stuttering in his chest. He wonders if he’ll ever get used to seeing him. 

Seungsik meets his eyes only for a moment before looking away. Seungwoo swallows against the dryness in his throat, watching him as he checks in with a small group with Seungyoun and Subin. They both talk softly under their breath. Subin nods, sharp eyes flickering over to where Seungwoo watches. 

Seungwoo flushes, ducking his head down, busying himself with re-tying his laces just to look like he has something to do. 

Finally, one of the people standing with Seungsik opens the elevator door, and they pack the first group of people in. Seungwoo doesn’t know if he should be relieved that he gets to ride with the first group, but at least there are some familiar faces among the group. 

The large door shuts with a large thud, and the elevator rumbles loudly as it brings them to the surface. Seungwoo glances to his side, eyes lingering on Seungsik’s profile. 

He looks tired. Seungwoo can’t help but wonder if he got any sleep that night after the council meeting. By the looks of it, maybe not. He feels guilt run through him. A lot happened yesterday, and he can’t help but feel responsible for all of it, though he doubts he could’ve stopped any of it from happening.

The elevator shudders to a stop, and someone opens the door to the soft early morning light. As soon as they step out, the door is closed behind them, and the rumbling of the elevator starts again, fainting slowly into the ground. Sejun sticks to his side like glue, for which Seungwoo is very grateful, and he pulls him to the side where they lean against the wall while they wait for the others.

Once everyone is above ground, Seungsik calls for attention again. He’s standing on one of the car wrecks, visible to everyone around.

“Alright, this is where our mission begins! We will be heading south to the border then scouting for a specific location. You all know your formations?” His voice pierces the air, sharp and commanding, and all Seungwoo can do is stare in disbelief.

A chorus of _“Yes, Sir!”_ sounds out, startling him. Seungsik jumps off, and everyone instantly fans out, organizing themselves around Seungsik and Seungyoun, plus a few others that Seungwoo assumes are the other researchers. Sejun nudges him in that direction, urging him to join them, before heading over to Subin and his squad at what seems to be the front.

Seungwoo hesitantly moves to stand with Seungyoun’s team, keeping his distance from Seungsik. He can’t help but look at him, though, his heart pounding in his chest.

“Alright, move out!” Subin’s voice rings out, loud and clear, and everyone starts moving at once, marching in perfect unison. Once again, Seungwoo feels left out, but he tries his best to match his steps to the soldiers’ rhythm.

He keeps his eyes trained firmly ahead, on the backs of the soldiers in front of him. They talk amicably amongst themselves, and Sejun, amongst many glares from Subin, falls back to come to walk next to Seungwoo. 

“You must be pretty confused, right hyung?” Sejun asks, his expression pensive.

“Well, yeah.” Seungwoo replies sheepishly. “I have been since I got here. And everything is just getting more confusing.”

“Ah, yeah… I totally understand. Maybe I could try and explain some of it?” Sejun offers and gives him a friendly pat on the shoulder that nearly knocks his arm out of its socket. “As far as I understand it, at least.”

“That would be very helpful, thank you.” Seungwoo answers, relieved that for once someone wants to shed some light on whatever situation he’s in right now. He’s tired of feeling so hopelessly lost.

“It’s no problem, really. We have a bit of a walk ahead of us,” Sejun says, adjusting the gun strap on his shoulder. “Alright, where do I start?”

“Well, do you guys know anything about what actually happened to me? About the other worlds?” Seungwoo figures that’s the most important question to ask. They can take it from there.

“What do we know? Well, we don’t know much. But more and more accounts that we’ve seen make it seem like people are being transported from one world to another, somehow.” Sejun turns pensive for a moment, a frown on his face. “Actually, I should probably start with the beginning of the war, you don’t know anything about that, do you?”

Seungwoo shakes his head, even more confused than before. “I don’t, so please explain if you think that’ll help.”

Sejun perks up and launches into his story. “Well, it all started with the disappearance of… well, this one dude that was really powerful. His disappearance was never explained. It all seemed so strange. Highly-guarded, nobody was seen going in or out, nothing was out of place. Nobody could explain it.”

Seungwoo’s eyes widen. “And the resistance thinks it’s the same as what happened to me?”

Sejun nods enthusiastically. “Now, yeah! No one thought so at first. But the more disappearances that happened, the more it made us start considering the possibility of other technologies that the enemy might have gotten access to.”

Seungwoo nods, trying to keep it all straight in his head as Sejun continues.

“It all changed when we discovered a civilian with the same story as yours. Everyone thought she was crazy, claiming to be from a different universe, but she demanded an audience with command and was causing such a stir that her story spread. And it started the theories that all the other disappearances could be connected. But not everyone thinks so, of course. There are still quite a few very skeptical people.” Seungwoo’s eyes flicker to the front, where Subin is undoubtedly leading everyone. “I don’t even know if I should believe it… uh, no offense.” Sejun adds hastily when Seungwoo turns his attention back to him.

“None taken. If I hadn’t been there when it happened, I don’t think I would’ve believed me either.” Seungwoo reassures him.

“Yeah, it’s crazy, isn’t it, hyung? But we have a whole research team looking into it. Anyway, that guy’s disappearance was the start of everything; the war, but also the other disappearances. There’s so many theories around it, and one of them would be that they are somehow transported to a different world by whoever doesn’t want them here. It’s what some of us think happened to you. Or, not you? The other you. Our Seungwoo.” Sejun frowns. “Now I’ve confused myself.”

Seungwoo isn’t really paying attention anymore, his eyes trained on Seungsik. So, he thinks the other Seungwoo had the same thing happen to him? It hurts his head to think of himself as from here, shaped by war, stuck in another world that’s wildly different. Would it be? Perhaps that world is also in chaos. He rubs his temples. None of it is becoming any easier to grasp.

“So, what do you guys know about how it works?” He asks, and Sejun looks up surprised, seemingly having been lost in his own existential Seungwoo-crisis.

“Oh, well. I’m not an expert. There’s a few theories out there, though, and I’m sure what you’ve told us will shed some light on it. That other girl couldn’t remember much, so all the information you have is probably useful.” He scratches his neck. 

“Maybe.” Seungwoo shrugs. “Is this the only research team you have?”

“Oh, no. The resistance is pretty big, you know, there’s more out there. I’m pretty sure they exchange information quite a lot too.”

“But they haven’t found anything… concrete, yet?” Seungwoo asks, wondering why so many people don’t believe in the theories when there’s entire research teams devoted to it.

“The research team sometimes goes out and checks out places where people have supposedly disappeared, to do something… uh… sciencey? They usually seem pretty enthusiastic about what they find. I never understand any of it, but I assume it’s nothing concrete. That’s why most research groups get discontinued. Captains refuse to waste their time and resources on it. I don’t really know how many are left, to be honest.” Sejun says, his mouth a thin line. “If we find something here, though, maybe we can convince the others that it’s worth looking into.”

“That would be nice.” Seungwoo muses, and Sejun smiles at him.

Seungwoo can guess why the captain of this part of the army hasn’t given up on the research yet. His eyes find Seungsik’s back again, and his mouth goes dry. He can tell Seungsik is clinging onto every last strand of hope, every clue that his Seungwoo might still be out there. He can’t blame him. He remembers being in that same position, frantically scrambling to every string of hope he was offered. God, if he still had hope- 

He forces himself to stop, shaking his head and turning back to Sejun, desperate for a distraction.

But Sejun is staring straight ahead, his posture stiff and on edge. The talking dies down slowly, and after a while, they move in complete silence. Seungwoo can feel the tension rise as they near an invisible line of safety. Sejun turns to him and nods once before lengthening his strides as he heads back to his position in the formation.

Seungwoo looks around, his shoulders tense. The soldiers around him reach for their guns, opting to hold them rather than having them strapped to their backs. He supposes they must feel safer that way, but it has quite the opposite effect on him. It screams danger, in every sense. He swallows his nerves and focuses even harder on the people close to him, glad the researchers aren’t armed.

Suddenly, hands go up in front of him, and everyone halts. It’s so out of the blue, Seungwoo nearly collides with the person in front of him. He turns to look around, confused, when Subin’s voice calls out from the front.

“Alright, we’ve gone past the borders. From here on out, our guide will show us the way. Remain vigilant; we don’t know what dangers lie ahead.” His tone is matter-of-fact and not to be argued with.

Everyone turns their attention to Seungwoo as he makes his way to the front. It feels strange to have them look at him for guidance. He walks up to Subin, who raises his eyebrows. “Where to?”

Seungwoo looks around, the scenery only mildly familiar. He wasn’t exactly in the right state of mind the night before. He remembers the rock formation he had seen the soldiers appear from, though, and he takes that as his vantage point, trying to determine the angle at which he walked towards it last time.

“This way,” he finally concludes, hoping he sounds sure of himself. Every hair on his body stands on edge, both from the supposed danger lurking ahead and from the eyes that bore into his back as they walk.

He hears the others follow, and he lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. Some insane, paranoid part of him expected them to just let him walk off into certain death.

It doesn’t take long for the colosseum to appear on the horizon, the building standing out amidst the vast nothingness. Seungwoo wonders how it’s still standing after all these years of warfare. When it’s close enough for everyone to see, he decides to speak up.

“There, that’s it.” His voice is a lot firmer this time, now that he’s sure they’re at the right place.

“The colosseum?” Subin asks, that same tone of disbelief still seeping into the words.

“Yes.” Seungwoo answers, not knowing what else to say.

“It’s an excellent place for a trap,” Subin states it like it’s nothing, but Seungwoo feels the distrust aimed at him. “Move back to the middle and stay silent. We have to secure the area.”

Seungwoo does as he’s told, moving back to the scientists with mixed feelings of relief and fear. When they close in on the building, everyone halts again. This time, he’s prepared when the hands fly up, and he stops in time.

He looks around at the soldiers surrounding him, who seem as though they are getting orders, though no-one has said a word. They all move out, perfectly coördinated, and circle around the ruin that towers above them.

It’s silent for a few more minutes, and Seungwoo waits with bated breath. He has no idea if everything is going as it should be, but he doesn’t dare break the silence to ask. 

“Clear!” A voice calls out from the building, piercing the silence so suddenly Seungwoo jumps, feeling his heart skip a beat.

“Great, let’s move in!” Seungyoun says enthusiastically, beckoning for his team to follow. Seungwoo looks around for Seungsik, but he’s already disappeared into the building. “You too, Seungwoo-hyung!” Seungyoun calls out, standing in the doorway of the ruin.

Seungwoo starts, quickly following the rest of them inside. Soldiers line the building, both on the outside and on the inside, on guard with their weapons out. He tries not to let it get to him.

He looks around, somehow surprised to find the building exactly as he remembers it. It feels like it should have disappeared, but not a rock is out of place.

The researchers busy themselves, pulling equipment out, and Seungwoo couldn’t even begin to guess what they’re supposed to be for.

“This is the place?” Seungsik asks from beside him, and Seungwoo looks up. Seungsik’s eyes are trained on the researchers, following their motions.

“Yeah. This is where I woke up.” Seungwoo breathes out, unable to tear his eyes away. Seungsik is so close, but he’s unreachable, untouchable. It drives him crazy.

“Captain!” Seungyoun calls over from where he’s standing, directly over the place that Seungwoo woke up in - his impact still left clear in the dirt, undisturbed. 

Seungsik goes over to him, and Seungwoo hesitantly trails behind. 

“The electrical readings here are unprecedented,” Seungyoun explains, holding up his gadget that flashes numbers. Seungwoo doesn’t have half an idea what they mean. 

“And what does that mean?” Seungsik asks, and it’s a relief to Seungwoo that he’s equally confused.

“It means that we’ve been right,” Seungyoun almost smiles, seeing how the news makes Seungsik blink, something emotional crossing over his face. “There’s something going on here, something powerful, other-worldly.”

“And Seungwoo…” Seungsik softly brings up, and Seungyoun nods.

“I think it’s entirely possible that Seungwoo is connected to one of these disturbances. Remember how our sensors detected that rare energy spike in enemy territory around the timeframe when we lost contact? This could be the information we need to link this phenomenon to that.”

Seungsik stares, processing it all. A hand comes up to his face, Seungwoo notices that it’s shaking. 

“I…” Seungsik looks a little lost for a moment, hand coming up to cover his mouth. “I don’t even know what to say.” 

“It’s not something to be taken lightly,” Seungyoun says. “Whatever is happening here, whether the enemy is behind the power that controls it or not, I fear it’s not something that can be controlled - not for long anyway.”

“I’d like to set up routine surveillance missions to this location,” Seungyoun continues, and Sik nods along to his requests. “The more we can study these numbers and the more readings we can get, the sooner we can start to maybe be able to figure out other locations where this has happened.”

The look on Seungsik’s face is one of refrained hopefulness, restrained relief. Like he’s on the verge of feeling too much, so he's pushing it all away.

“Okay,” he breathes, and then nods more, like he’s really wrapping his head around what he’s being told. “Yes, we can do that. I’ll find a way to make that happen.” 

“However, we have to remember that this location is different from the other’s that we’ve pinpointed. This site is an arrival, so the numbers could be different. All the other events we’ve been looking at have been disappearances. But this will still add a lot to the research.”

Seungwoo looks around while Seungyoun explains more of the numbers and readings to Seungsik. The dark walls don’t feel as imposing as before. The presence that he felt - watching, _waiting,_ isn’t there. 

He watches as Seungyoun leads Seungsik away, pointing and talking about setting up sensors. Seungsik nods along, and Seungwoo sees it - a brilliant spark in his eyes, eyes wide and listening intently.

Seungwoo can’t look away. And his heart aches. 

They stay a lot longer than Seungwoo expected them to, setting up various devices that he doesn’t recognize, while the soldiers stand on guard, never letting up. He watches as Seungyoun leads the research team, breaking their equipment down only to build it up again barely a foot away.

Seungwoo feels the curiosity within him burn, but he doesn’t dare interrupt, not when Seungsik looks almost as elated as he had the day before.

Eventually, Seungyoun announces the research to be done, for now, and even Seungsik reluctantly agrees that they can’t stay any longer. But his step is light, and Seungwoo doesn’t lose sight of him the entire way back, his heart burning in his chest.

~

Once they get back, Seungsik dismisses the soldiers, telling them all to eat and rest. He looks tired, but he seems calmer. The way he looks at him isn’t as sharp, and he isn’t as strict about the distance between them. Feeling quite tired himself, Seungwoo finds some ease in it, relaxing a little more, knowing that Seungsik isn’t so on edge.

“Captain Kang!” A young soldier comes up to them, and Seungsik looks up. “You’re wanted immediately in the council chambers - Colonel Lee and Lieutenant Corporal Jung have arrived and are waiting for you. You and…” he looks nervously at Seungwoo - like he’s unsure how to address him, but Seungsik nods, understanding.

“Okay, thank you,” Seungsik says, dismissing him with a nod and small smile. “Come this way.” He directs Seungwoo to follow him as they make their way through a new set of hallways, finding their way to the council room - one of the few places that Seungwoo actually knows.

Seungsik enters first, motioning for Seungwoo to follow. A middle-aged man and younger woman sit at the same long table that Seungwoo was just interrogated at. They stand up, polite smiles on their faces, and Seungsik steps up, leaning over the table to greet them. 

“Lieutenant Corporal! I wasn’t expecting you until the end of the week,” Seungsik says, shaking their hands. “And Colonel, I wasn’t expecting you at all!” 

“Well, when we received your report about what had happened, it was given immediate precedent to our other responsibilities,” the woman explains, before turning to Seungwoo, a seemingly friendly smile on her lips. “And you must be our anomaly.”

_Anomaly?_

Seungsik nods, leading him forward with a hand on his back. “Seungwoo, this is Lieutenant Corporal Jung Eunji and Colonel Lee Dongwook,” he says. Seungwoo bows his head, saying his greetings. 

“We heard you were out on research purposes today,” Colonel Lee says, and Seungsik nods, almost eagerly.

“Yes, if you have a moment, I can go over the new data?” Seungsik offers, sitting down at the table, directly across from the Colonel. They all follow suit, and Seungwoo sits next to Seungsik, meeting the Lieutenant Corporal’s kind eyes. 

Seungsik updates them on the new findings; he has copies of all the readings and graphs that Seungyoun’s team documented. 

“And you,” Eunji says, looking at Seungwoo. “You brought them there?”

“Yes,” Seungwoo says. “I woke up there yesterday… I’m lucky that they found me, I’m not sure I would’ve survived out there.”

Eunji hums, eyes scanning over the documents again. 

“And you said you had further plans for this?” Colonel Lee says, putting down the paper he was holding.

“I’ve already discussed some ideas with the head of our research department, Lieutenant Choi. We want to make routine field missions to the colosseum site for more in-depth measurements and to take samples to see if an event like this can cause a change in chemistry. We can start to understand the lingering effects that stay after an event like this.”

The Colonel nods, and Seungwoo sees he’s holding back something. Like he’s not happy with Seungsik’s research.

“The next step, I think, is to push into the location where Captain Han disappeared,” Seungsik says, scanning their faces as he continues. “Using the tools and methods that we’ve been developing here, there’s a possibility that we can find a concrete connection between his disappearance and the phenomena that we’ve been studying.”

“You want to venture into enemy territory,” Lieutenant Corporal Jung clarifies, raising an eyebrow. 

Seungsik swallows and nods. “Yes, exactly.”

There’s a silence that falls heavy across the room. Seungsik glances back and forth between the two commanding officers. 

“Captain Kang, we can’t deny that you’ve done well in your position,” Colonel Lee starts, but in a tone that suggests he’s about to undercut any compliment he’s giving. “But some in upper command are beginning to question if your intentions are in the right place.”

Seungsik blinks. “Sir? My intentions?”

“According to your reports over the last few months, your battery dedicates almost half its resources to the Science and Research department,” he says, lacing his fingers together. “All other captains don’t even put a fraction of what you do into this department. And on top of that, it’s all research dedicated to proving an unfounded conspiracy - one that we still have had no concrete evidence will turn the tides of this war.”

Seungsik looks stunned, unable to say anything as the Colonel continues.

“Then, in addition to expanding funding and time dedicated to your research department, you're proposing that we send a team into enemy territory - a move that if we’re caught could be easily viewed by PDX as initiating another wave of hostilities. We’re already spread too thin, we simply don’t have the numbers right now to withstand the force of retaliation. And all for one soldier missing in action?”

Seungwoo is left stunned, watching as Seungsik gets shut down and pushed aside. It’s heartbreaking as he sees the same realization cross Seungsik’s face.

“We’ve risked more for less,” Seungsik argues, and his tone gets a hint more desperate, like he’s just now realizing that he’s fighting a losing battle. 

“There’s also no promise of finding any information,” Lieutenant Corporal Jung explains, at least having the decency to look apologetic. Seungsik shakes his head, pulling out paper after paper of statistics, measurements, and maps that he has all compiled. 

“Sir, you said yourself that I'm self-sufficient here in my position” Seungsik defends, suddenly realizing that he’s in a fight for everything he stands for. “I secure the border, I comply with all mandatory training and modules, and I’m never behind on reports. I have _countlessly_ explained the high council importance of understanding what is happening out there-”

“Kang, upper command needs to know,” Colonel Lee interrupts, “Are you dedicated to this cause, or are you more loyal to Captain Han?”

Seungsik narrows his eyes, and Seungwoo feels chills shoot down his spine. “You question my loyalties, Sir?”

“I question your priorities,” he states. And Seungwoo sits in shock. He feels invisible, like he isn’t living proof that everything Seungsik is doing has grounds. “I didn’t want to have to bring it up, but your… _relationship_ with the past Han Seungwoo has raised a few eyebrows, and several are questioning your qualifications to remain in your position.”

The darkness boiling in Sik’s dark eyes chills Seungwoo to the bone. He’s silent for a moment, and Seungwoo swallows, feeling so out of place. 

“My priorities are where they’ve always been, Colonel.” Seungsik’s voice is low and deadly. “I don’t find your implications professional _or_ relevant. I want to end this war as much as you do. And if my methods are… uncommon, then so be it. But I know what you’re calling conspiracy, isn’t that. It’s science. And I have the evidence to back it up.”

“Regardless, you do not have clearance to take a team into PDX territory,” Colonel Lee states, leaning back. “Unless you have anything else to add, I think I’ll be leaving it at that.” 

He stands, and Seungsik watches him leave with burning eyes. Eunji stays, eyes soft and apologetic while watching Seungsik deflate once the Colonel has left the room.

“Lieutenant Corporal,” Seungsik whispers, turning his eyes back to her. The fire in his eyes seems to die out, and he looks so lost suddenly. Seungwoo’s heart aches.

Eunji reaches across the table and squeezes Seungsik’s hand. Seungwoo can see that they’re comfortable with each other, there’s more than a professional relationship like with the Colonel - there’s friendship here. 

“Seungsik,” she says quietly. “I know it’s hard, I know it is.”

“This is the closest we’ve ever been to understanding what happened to him,” Seungsik pleads, hopelessness bleeding into his tone. “We _have_ to go. We can’t just stay here.”

“I’m sorry,” Eunji whispers. “But it’s too much this time. It’s just too dangerous.”

Seungsik’s jaw tightens, his hand shaking as it clenches into a fist. His eyes shudder, devastation and desperation colliding all at once, but he keeps silent, not one to talk back to a superior. 

“I’m sorry,” she says again, squeezing his hand one last time and nodding at Seungwoo before standing up and leaving the room. 

Seungsik sits ever still, worryingly silent. Seungwoo doesn’t know what to do - if this is the time to approach or back away. 

If it were his Seungsik, he’d want some kind of physical reminder that he’s loved, cherished. Seungwoo thinks of the times that they would be waiting for more bad news that would leave Seungsik frighteningly bare of all emotion, and Seungwoo would reach out then to be an anchor, any kind of reminder that he had a safe space in him. That he didn’t have to keep all the pain inside. 

_“Hyung,” Seungsik whispers, so softly that Seungwoo barely even hears him. “What are we going to do?”_

_Seungwoo pulls him close, pressing his mouth to his temple and closing his eyes. “What we always do, baby,” he says, feeling Seungsik tremble against him. “We just keep going. Together.”_

It’s that faint memory that makes Seungwoo move closer, taking in every shaky breath, every twitch of his eyelashes.

“Sik?” he calls softly, hesitantly putting a hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay?” 

Seungsik looks up at him, brown eyes drowning in a dark ocean of emotions. Seungwoo tries to think of anything he could to make it better but falls utterly short. There’s so much here he doesn’t understand, so much information that keeps flying over his head. 

“We can still find another way,” he tries to offer this much, no matter how pathetic he knows it may sound. “This doesn’t mean you have to give up.”

Seungsik’s dam seems to break, and he pushes away, a devastating noise of pain and frustration leaving him in one hard gust. “Don’t,” he trembles, hiding his face away, trying to hide any weakness at all. 

Then Seungsik swallows, the wobble in his chin stabilizing, and all the emotions Seungwoo saw boiling dangerously to the surface are pushed behind a wall, visibly steeling himself. It’s impressive as it is heartbreaking, seeing how much pain he’s able to push deep, deep down. The burning in his eyes has been reduced to a quiet, exhausted resignation, and he inhales slowly.

“You need to leave,” Seungsik says, the only indication of his near-breakdown are his watery eyes as he looks up. “I-I can’t look at you. Please, get out.” 

Seungwoo swallows, wanting so badly to reach back out, but he’s so unfamiliar with this Seungsik and his reactions. 

“Leave!” Seungsik snaps when he makes no move to leave on his own. Seungwoo flinches, stepping back for real this time, heartbroken that Seungsik is pushing him away, but he’s not going to fight him now. When he is so clearly asking for space.

Seungwoo leaves him there, alone in the large room, closing the door behind him quietly. It feels wrong to leave when it feels like he needs him the most, but he has to respect Seungsik’s wish. He sighs and looks around hesitantly. _Where now?_

He’s still not familiar with this place, and the thought of being alone leaves him quite cold. Once again, he lets his feet move on their own, trying not to think of Seungsik’s expression, trying not to think of Seungsik in general. Instead, he tries to make sense of everything he’s learned the past few days.

It’s not much, and he can’t quite puzzle any of it together. Sejun tried his best to explain, but he knows that there was so much more that he wasn’t able to go over in just their short conversation. He comes to a sudden halt. Perhaps Chan would be able to tell him more? If he’s anything like _his_ Chan, he would be more than happy to share whatever he knows with Seungwoo.

He turns around, trying to find his bearings and figure out which way he’s supposed to go. Medical? Or Chan’s room? Would he have his own room as a member of the medical staff? He spins around in a slow circle, earning some odd looks from passersby.

The route to medical is laid out, signs pointing the way, so he tries there first. On the way there, he focuses purely on the signs, afraid to lose his way in the maze of hallways. By now, he knows the route between the barracks and the council room, and he thinks he could find the way to the officer’s quarters if he had to, though so far he’s been avoiding it, for Seungsik.

His heart sinks as his thoughts loop back to Seungsik, despite his best efforts. He really hopes he’s alright. Finally, he arrives at medical. He hesitantly enters, looking around to see if he can spot Chan between the few nurses.

“Can I help you?” A friendly nurse asks, looking him over, presumably to spot any injuries.

“Ah, yes. Is Chan here?” He asks hesitantly. He’s not sure how else to address him. Doctor Chan? It kind of sounds ridiculous. He can’t reconcile his Chan's image, mixing music in his studio, with the image of a doctor.

“Doctor Heo?” Seungwoo nods, and she looks around for a moment. “He should be around here. Perhaps he went into his office.”

Just then, the door to the office opens. “Haerim? Do you happen to know where I left that stack of patient files I was walking around with earlier?” Chan calls out, and the nurse beckons for Seungwoo to follow her as she hurries over.

“No idea, sir.” Haerim steps into the office, and Seungwoo follows.

It’s a cramped space, but perhaps that’s only because of the stacks of paper that litter every surface. Seungwoo has to suppress a small smile at how much it reminds me of his Chan. Organized chaos.

“Ah, Seungwoo-hyung? What brings you here?” Chan looks up, surprised. He briefly turns to the nurse, who has started to sort through some of the paperwork on the desk. “Haerim, thank you, but you can go. I’ll find them myself.”

Haerim nods and leaves, closing the door behind her. Chan raises his eyebrows and gestures for Seungwoo to sit down. “Are you alright?” He asks, studying him similarly to how Haerim had moments before.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just wanted to… talk to someone.” Seungwoo breathes the last words, unsure if they’re even audible, but Chan’s expression immediately turns into a sympathetic one.

“What would you like to talk about, hyung?” He asks gently, but also very business-like. As if he’s still consulting with a patient.

Seungwoo blanks for a moment, thoughts racing through his head. Just what was the relationship between this Chan and the other Seungwoo? Were they even friends? He can’t imagine them not being friends in any universe, but this Chan is acting far too formal. Seungwoo realizes he doesn’t even know if Chan has been briefed in on the fact that he is not the Seungwoo he knows.

“I, um,” he stammers, trying to find a way to broach the subject. Chan smiles patiently, letting him sort out his thoughts on his own. “Do you know about the whole- well, me not having amnesia?” Seungwoo eventually manages.

“I did hear about that, yes.” Chan nods and folds his hands under his chin. “But tell me your version of the story, hyung. They said you’re from another universe?”

Seungwoo sighs and looks down at his hands. He’s not exactly excited to recite the story again, not knowing how much this Chan will trust his word. “It’s true. I’m sure they told you more than I can tell you.”

“You don’t know much, do you, hyung?” Chan’s voice turns soft.

“I don’t know anything.” Seungwoo heaves another sigh and looks up. Chan’s look is gentle, and it brings back memories of the two of them sitting in the studio, late at night, whenever Seungwoo couldn’t quite get the music to work with him, and Chan would come over to help. It relaxes him a bit, and he hesitantly tries to talk.

“I- Seungsik keeps getting upset at me.” The words come out soft and broken, but he continues anyway. “He’s so different. Everyone is different. I’m so confused, all the time, about everything.” He waits with bated breath, eyes locked on Chan to see if anything he said upset him.

Chan frowns and nods. “I would assume this is all very confusing to you. I can try and fill you in, as much as I’m able to at least.”

Seungwoo nods, swallowing away the lump in his throat. “That would be nice.”

Chan scratches the back of his head briefly and smiles a crooked smile. “What would you like to know?”

Seungwoo thinks about that for a moment. Where to start? Perhaps with the beginning. “From what I understand this, the war and all that,” he gestures vaguely, “it all started because of someone important disappearing?”

Chan simply nods.

“Then, I mean, how did you all survive this long?” Seungwoo frowns as he tries to keep his thoughts on track. “What is this place?”

“Well, before the war started, tensions were already high. The people that took over were already growing in number and gaining attention. They even gave themselves a name; ‘PDX’. When the disappearance happened, we were prepared. PDX took over and declared war on any who opposed them. Everyone took refuge in the bomb shelters that had been set up in case of emergency. It kept us all alive.” Chan looks down at his hands, his eyes glazing over at the memories that flood his mind.

“After that, the people were divided,” he continues, “many were scared. Even more were angry. It split us apart. Some thought it would be easier to conform to authoritarian rule, while others wanted to fight back. My family ran to the ones who were still openly opposing the new power figures. We found the Resistance at an old, deserted military base where they had taken control over the area around it. From there, they managed to expand. I don’t know much about how they did it. I hadn’t joined the military yet then. I was still too young.”

He looks back up at Seungwoo, who hangs on his every word, trying to wrap his head around it all. “The Resistance managed to take over quite a big area in only a year. Since then, they’ve been building outposts like these, underground military facilities that can house enough soldiers to form a battery. They defend the borders. If you go away from the border, the world actually still looks quite normal. We’ve rebuilt the cities and villages, with functioning infrastructure.”

“Normal?” Seungwoo wonders what normal looks like in this world.

“Well, it’s not what it used to be,” Chan shrugs, “the land is still recovering from the assault, but the cities look almost identical to how they used to look. There’s education and regular everyday jobs. It’s where the food is produced, and the weapons are made, but also where people just live. That’s what we’re protecting.”

“Wow,” Is all that Seungwoo manages. They fall silent for a while as he processes all the new information. It’s a lot more than he dared to hope for. “Who runs all of it?” He eventually asks.

“A group of elected officials, just like before, but on a much smaller scale,” Chan answers simply.

_Just like before._ It does all sound similar, but Chan doesn’t seem like the one to ask about the details of politics. Not even this Chan, with his white coat and his far too serious expressions. “Do they also run the military?” He asks instead.

Chan shakes his head. “No, the military makes its own decisions. Though we do have to justify our actions. They can’t really stop us. It’s more a formality than anything else. As long as we’re still fighting with the same goal, I don’t think it matters."

Seungwoo nods. He supposes that Chan is right about that, not that he knows much about the military's intricate politics. It sounds good to fight to protect something.

His mind wanders back to Seungsik and the burning devastation in his eyes. Could he fight for this Seungsik? There isn't much he wouldn't do for Sik, no matter the version, but he can't imagine himself holding a gun.

"You said we're all different. May I ask what you mean by that, hyung?" Chan asks, and Seungwoo looks up, pulled from his thoughts.

He hums in thought. "Well, for one, you're far too polite and professional."

Chan chuckles at that. "So you know me, but not the me that I am?"

"That sentence hurt my head." Seungwoo rubs his temples, but he can’t keep from smiling a bit. “I suppose you’re right in that. I know a version of you.”

“And that version isn’t matching this reality, not entirely.” Chan fills in for him, and he nods. “So would you say I, the me that I am here, is more, or less handsome than the me in your world?”

Seungwoo lets out a chuckle. “That is such a typical question for you to ask. It’s relieving to see that even in this world, you’re a pain in the ass.”

“It was worth trying.” Chan smiles mischievously, and things feel a little bit more normal again. Then he turns serious again.

“Hyung, I don’t want to pry, but…” he starts, looking hesitant, fingers scratching at his desk. “You know Seungsik. Your Seungsik?” He chuckles, shaking his head. “Ah, this is confusing to try to talk about. But the way you looked at him when he came into the room… You knew him. From where you’re from.”

Seungwoo feels frozen. Like he does whenever he’s confronted back home. “Yeah,” he says, clearing his throat. “I knew him.”

Chan must see pain there because he seems to back off - nodding, looking to the side. “I’m sure you’ve realized that he knows you, too… that we all know you.” 

Seungwoo nods. He’s been getting strange, shocked looks since he got here. 

“He went missing,” Seungwoo says softly, and Chan nods.

“Five months ago,” he says, almost seeming to deflate. “It was such a shock because he really was the foundation here. Seungsik has done great since he’s had to take over, but he really hasn’t been able to move on. He’s stuck on it, fixated…” Chan sighs. “I’ve tried to be there for him… but it’s hard. It’s hard when he just pushes everyone away.”

Seungwoo suppresses a shiver, the words hitting too close to home. _You never call._ He can hear it so clearly, though the memory already seems so distant. His Chan, this Chan; there’s not much of a difference.

“I met Seungwoo when I joined the military right after completing my medical combat training,” Chan says, looking back at him. “It was when he was already on his way to becoming captain, and he’s been leading this battery since we established it two years ago. He worked his way up from the lowest ranks, and Seungsik was by his side every step of the way. I can’t speak on their behalf, of course, but everyone could see how much they relied on each other. They were a team, and inseparable.” He pauses, and Seungwoo can tell he’s just as torn about the loss of the captain as most of the other people here.

“Seungwoo wasn’t one for showing emotions,” he continues, “neither of them were, but you could see it in their eyes. How much they loved each other. War is hard on people, hyung, don’t forget that. Every time we go out there, we put our lives at risk for the people we care about, and more often than we would like, we end up losing people we care about. The Seungsik you see here has been through so much, more than you can imagine.”

Seungwoo swallows harshly and shakes his head. “I think I can imagine,” he says below his breath before moving to get up. “Thank you, Chan.”

“I think he needs someone, you know,” Chan says quietly. “We try, but we can’t always get through to him. I don’t know if you’re the right person for it, but, in a way, you know him better than any of us.”

Seungwoo looks back, shocked, and Chan meets his eyes. Something heavy settles in his stomach. It’s the same look his Chan always wears when he looks at him, but this time he knows the pity and sorrow aren’t aimed at him. 

“You said he’s been getting upset with you?” Chan’s eyes brim with emotion, and he shakily inhales. “I can’t imagine what he’s dealing with right now, but he’s pushing everyone away - not just you. You look exactly like someone he lost. Someone he’s still looking for but has no guarantee of ever finding… Please, don’t judge him too harshly, hyung. Maybe you’re the only one that has the possibility of getting through to him. I truly loved and admired our Seungwoo, but maybe it’s time he moves on.”

It’s a lot of weight unloaded at once. But Chan’s plea is clear and simple - Seungsik will try, but don’t let him push you away. Seungwoo nods briefly, not trusting his voice, and Chan nods back a silent farewell, and Seungwoo leaves the office.

It seems there are quite a few people who have given up the hope of ever finding their Seungwoo again. He wonders if there’s anyone besides Seungsik that truly believes he’s still alive. He shakes his head. That’s not important right now. Chan is right - Seungsik needs him.

He makes his way back to the conference room, but he finds it empty when he peeks inside. It makes sense, of course, he wouldn’t want to grieve in such a public space. He must’ve gone back to his room. 

It takes a while for him to find the way to the officer’s quarters, but eventually, he gets there. He’s surprised to find that he still remembers the room Seungsik had dragged him into his first day here. Three doors down the hallway. He knocks timidly and prepares to be told off, but Seungsik doesn’t respond.

“Seungsik?” He asks and knocks again, a bit louder. “Sik, are you in there?”

Still nothing. He wonders if he’s gone to sleep, but if he knows Seungsik, he wouldn’t be able to… not while he’s this upset. He frowns and tries the doorknob. He’s surprised to find it unlocked as the door swings open to darkness.

“Sik?” He calls softly. Perhaps he really is asleep. It feels strange, too quiet, so he turns the light on, mumbling a quiet apology, just in case.

The room is empty, but it looks like someone has been here recently. The cabinet is open, and the clothes inside are pushed aside and messy. It looks like someone has just rummaged through them. Seungwoo frowns. That’s not right. Seungsik wouldn’t leave his closet behind without putting everything in its proper place. What would he need clothes for so suddenly?

There’s nothing else in the room, nothing to indicate where Seungsik might have gone. Panic clutches at him. He wouldn’t have gone after his Seungwoo alone - _would he?_

But as soon as he has that realization, he already knows the answer. That yes. Of course he would. Because Seungwoo knows that he would do the same thing for his Sik - would go to hell and back again.

He turns and leaves the room, barely remembering to turn the light off before closing the door. Seungwoo asks everyone he comes across if they have seen him. Perhaps he’s gone for some food or something, anything that isn’t ‘alone into the too-dangerous warzone’. Then someone confirms his worst suspicions.

“Captain Kang? I saw him go up to the exit, for some fresh air.” Seungwoo blinks and feels himself get angry. Did nobody stop him from getting out? The young soldier seems to read his expression. “It happens a lot, you know, soldiers going up just to see the sky for a moment. I’m sure he’s fine.” He walks off to catch up with his friends, leaving Seungwoo to stare after them.

It would be believable if there wasn’t a much more pressing reason for Seungsik to go out right now. He thinks back on the messy wardrobe and clenches his fists. He has to find him. Where did they say Seungwoo had disappeared again? A place in the south-east… he needs a map.

He rushes back, taking the somewhat familiar route to the barracks. They didn’t give him any gear of his own, but he knows the other soldiers each have their own canvas bags. The barracks are empty, which is to be expected at this time of day. He opens one of the lockers and rummages through the first bag he can find, hoping fervently it’s not Subin’s.

It doesn’t take long for him to find what he’s looking for, quickly rummaging through the extra supplies and pulling out the map and a compass. He hurriedly stuffs them into his jumpsuit and jumps up, making his way back through the maze. He rushes past crowds of people streaming in and out of the different rooms, not stopping for anyone until he’s at the elevator.

He opens the large metal door, wincing at the scraping noise it makes, quickly scanning that there are no one guards around - Seungsik must have dealt with that when he left.

His heart hammers in his chest as he presses the button for the elevator to start moving. What if Seungsik is already too far ahead and he can’t catch up? Should he have asked for help? They would have stopped him from going out to find Seungsik. They would’ve been too late. Maybe he’s already too late. He can’t afford to think like that right now, so he focuses on the task at hand.

While the elevator rumbles its way up, he pulls out the map and studies it. He finds the base on there, clearly indicated. Several paths flow out from it like a spider’s web. They all stop at the borders of the warzone, which are drawn in, as are the landmarks in between. He recognizes the area where Seungwoo supposedly disappeared from seeing Sik’s map in the council room. It’s a considerable distance, but Seungwoo hopes that he can still catch up to Sik before he gets too far. He tracks the road that leads closest to it.

The elevator comes to a shuddering halt, and the doors fly open to the light of the late afternoon sun. The buildings around him tower high and threatening, but he pays them no mind. He puts the map down on the nearest stable surface and carefully adjusts the compass.

He has to find his way out of the city first, then after that he can mostly rely on landmarks from the map. Once he has found the right direction, he bundles up the map and stuffs it back into his jumpsuit. He sets out, weaving through the streets of the seemingly abandoned city with a burning determination in his eyes. He has to find Seungsik.

It takes quite some climbing over cars and debris for Seungwoo to finally reach the outskirts of the city, but eventually he does. He takes out the map again. The next landmark on the route is an old abandoned water tower. He can’t see it yet, standing at the bottom of a hill, but he’s sure it will appear once he reaches the top.

After double-checking the compass’s direction, he puts the map away again and sets out once more, scanning the horizon for any signs of Seungsik. Seungwoo can only try and outrun him or hope he will take a rest soon. He doesn’t want to think about what could happen if he doesn’t find him.

He forces his legs to carry him faster and faster up the hill until he’s close to jogging. It’s hot and tiring, but he imagines Seungsik just out of reach, just beyond the top, and pushes on. His legs are burning, he’s gasping for breath once he finally gets there, and he has to stop for a moment.

Hills rise up around him, the sand and ash broken only by the remains of buildings and rocks, sticking out in jagged peaks. He spots the water tower in the far distance, peeking out from above the hills, only barely visible. He fervently hopes that Seungsik is somewhere between him and that tower because he doubts he will reach it before darkness sets in. By that time, he doesn’t think he’ll be able to continue nor return. He has no tent, no water or food, and no sleeping bag.

But none of that matters. The only thing on his mind is finding Seungsik and stopping him. He gives himself a moment more to calm his breathing before he rushes down the hill, reaching the bottom in a matter of minutes. Another one towers in front of him, but he doesn’t dare pause, scared to let the burn in his legs convince him to stop.

The sand gives minimal grip on the ground below, and everything hurts by the time he’s made it up the second hill. He forces himself to focus on his mission only, to ignore the ache and push on. _Find Seungsik._ But… what does he do when he finds him? He thinks back to the expression Seungsik wore when he was told they couldn’t go, the devastation in his eyes.

He slows down slightly, unable to stop because of the slope down. He doesn’t want to stop Seungsik. He never did. Then why is he here, chasing him? Should he turn around? The thought of Seungsik all alone out there, in danger, sends shivers down his spine. No. He doesn’t want to stop him, but he wants to make sure he’s not alone. He wants to make sure he’s safe.

With renewed energy, he speeds down the hill and up the next one. The sun is almost directly behind him, sinking lower and lower on the horizon. Still, there is no sight of Seungsik. The next valley is less deep and wide, and he practically sprints through it, reaching the next top in a matter of seconds. He leans against the lonely tree he finds there to catch his breath.

The tree casts a long shadow that stretches down the hill to a small ruin that looks like it was once a wall. That’s not what catches Seungwoo’s attention, though, because on top of the remains of the wall, Seungsik sits, taking a big sip of his canteen with water.

“Seungsik.” Seungwoo’s voice is barely a whisper as he tries to call out. Relief floods through him, and he quickly gets moving again, half falling down the hill in his haste to reach Seungsik.

Seungsik looks up at the commotion and jumps to his feet, the canteen dropping to the ground as his hand instinctively moves to the gun on his hip, but the look on his face quickly turns from shock to agitation when he recognizes who he is. 

“What are you doing here?” He hisses when Seungwoo finally skids to a halt in front of him.

“I came to find you.” Seungwoo breathes out, doubling over to rest his hands on his knees. He tries to steady his breath while Seungsik bears down on him, his eyes blazing.

“You can’t stop me. I won’t just sit by and do nothing! Wait-” Seungsik’s expression goes from angry to confused, looking around him for more people to follow. “Are you alone? Where are the others? Why did they send you? Wh-”

Seungwoo holds up a hand to stop the influx of questions, and Seungsik is seemingly so confused, his mouth snaps shut without a second thought. “I didn’t come to stop you. I know I can’t.” Seungwoo answers, still a little out of breath.

“Then what are you-” Seungsik stammers. “Why did they send you?” He asks again, frustrated rather than angry now.

“They didn’t send me,” Seungwoo stands up straight and crosses his arms defiantly, determined to keep his ground. “I decided to follow you when I couldn’t find you.”

“Why?” Seungsik asks, baffled. “Why would you follow me if not to stop me?” He looks behind Seungwoo again, frowning in suspicion.

Seungwoo sighs and drops his arms. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He says softly. “You were really upset earlier, and I wanted to make sure you weren’t alone.”

Seungsik scoffs. “Why do you care?” He doesn’t even give Seungwoo a chance to answer. “Go back, it’s going to get dark soon.”

“I’m not going back.” Seungwoo plants his feet firmly in the sand to emphasize his words. “You’ll have to drag me back if you want me to leave.”

“I thought you didn’t want to convince me to go back.” Seungsik rolls his eyes and picks up the now empty canteen from the ground.

“Right. Well, it would be nice to go back,” Seungwoo hesitates, thinking of the danger that lies ahead, “but I don’t want you to… well, I just know I can’t convince you anyway. So instead, I’ll come with you.” He tries to make his tone as firm as possible, though he feels his hands tremble as the reality of where they’re about to go dawns on him. _It’s too dangerous._ Eunji’s words ring clear through his head. He swallows.

“Do you even have any combat experience? You barely tried to defend yourself when I- well, you know.” Seungsik gestures with his hands, sighing exasperatedly.

“Were you planning on fighting, alone?” Seungwoo counters, raising his eyebrows.

“No. I was planning on sneaking in, gathering what I need, and then sneaking back out.” Seungsik snaps, putting his hands on his hips. “If you think you can handle that, be my guest. But don’t get in my way.”

With that, he turns around, slings his bag over his shoulders, and starts walking. Seungwoo hurriedly moves to follow, almost tripping as his legs nearly buckle from the sudden movement. 

Seungsik doesn’t look back, walking away into the faint light of dusk. All Seungwoo can do is steel himself and follow.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading ^.^ comments are love <3
> 
> rae's links: [twitter](https://twitter.com/lostnthedream) // [cc](https://curiouscat.me/lostnthedream)  
>    
> jelly's links: [twitter](https://twitter.com/yutabugi)


	3. the comfort of strangers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello :D we're back with another chapter to add to this wonderful journey! we hope you enjoy reading!! it's been a blast to write this ^-^ 
> 
> mayday seungsik sexc!

They continue walking into the night, and Seungwoo's legs are begging for mercy by the time Seungsik finally decides to stop. 

“We’ll stop here tonight,” Seungsik says, putting his bag down with a heavy thud.

They’ve stopped right next to a wall of rocks that stretches quite far above them, higher than any others Seungwoo has seen so far. It’s clear it wasn’t a building, at any point, but there’s an alcove that’s so perfectly rounded off it almost looks man-made.

Seungsik busies himself with his bag while Seungwoo watches, unsure of what he can do. Seungsik’s responses have been short and snappish, and he feels a bit awkward, just standing there, but he’s not sure if he would be of any use.

“We’re gonna need firewood,” Seungsik mumbles, and Seungwoo looks around for a way to help. 

“There’s a few trees over there,” Seungwoo squints into the darkness, spotting the dark silhouettes of some dead-looking trunks near the end of the rocks. “Should I-?” He adds, uncertain.

Seungsik looks up and follows his finger to see for himself. “That looks dry enough. See if you can get any bark off. It burns well. But if there are any, don’t forget branches. They burn longer.”

Seungwoo nods and walks off, glad to make himself useful, even if he needs far more instructions than anyone else would have. It doesn’t take long to get to the trees, but he’s really feeling his legs now, so he allows himself to take his time.

There aren’t many branches, but the bark turns out to be very easy to strip off, so he fills his pockets with that and breaks off the few remaining branches one of the trees still holds. With his hands full of sticks and the bark he couldn’t fit into his pockets, he returns to where Seungsik has made a small dip in the sand, next to a flat rock.

“Is this enough?” He drops what he’s gathered next to Seungsik, who nods shortly.

“It’s fine.” Seungsik starts sorting the sticks, piling them up into several heaps.

Seungwoo sits down as Seungsik works. He seems to be doing something to the bark with a knife, but Seungwoo is more focused on the way his muscles seem to finally relax, some of the tension letting loose. He sighs and leans back on his hands, giving himself a moment to just breathe.

The sky is bright with stars, with no lights around them to block them. He has to admit it’s pretty. It’s been too long since he’s seen a sky like this. He tries to let himself enjoy it, but he feels his mind drift to the times he had watched these same stars with someone there beside him.

He looks back at Seungsik, who’s piled some of the bark in the pit he dug, attempting to light them with the small lighter clutched in his hand. It’s not the same. He knows that, but he can’t but stare at the features he still knows so well dimly lit by the moon.

Seungsik has a soft frown on his face as he clicks at the lighter, a frustrated huff escaping his lips when it does nothing but spark. Seungwoo feels the nearly irresistible urge to move over and wipe that frown off his face with a soft stroke of his thumb.

He maintains his distance, though, merely watching as Seungsik finally manages to get the lighter to work, quickly moving it to the bark that instantly catches fire. He slowly starts piling up wood, stick by stick, making another small layer.

The fire seems to burn out at first, the bark quickly used up, but gradually the branches catch fire as well, and it grows, casting a bright orange glow over their surroundings. Seungsik pulls two cans from his bag, prying them open with his knife before setting them by the fire. It’s warm, and Seungwoo scoots back a little to get away from the extra heat. The lack of sun has cooled the air down, but not enough for him to truly call it cold.

Seungsik stares into the fire, keeping close. Even now, with the silence that presses over them, Seungwoo can’t help but trace over Seungsik’s features, reminding himself of all the little details he swore to himself that he would never forget. 

Seungsik glances up, catching him. “Stop that.”

Seungwoo startles. “What?”

Seungsik swallows. “Stop looking at me like that,” he says, looking at him, eyes flickering with the light of the fire. 

“Like what?” Seungwoo asks, perplexed. He really can't seem to do anything right. 

“Like,” Seungsik shakes his head, fingers clenching into fists. “Like you love me.”

Oh. Seungwoo swallows, unable to deny how much his heart aches while looking at him. 

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs instead, ducking his head. “I do, though.” He adds quietly, not really meaning for it to be audible.

Seungsik’s eyes flash dangerously. “Don’t.”

Seungwoo frowns, frustrated at this barrier between them. “I can’t lie to you. I wasn’t pretending. Last night, I mean. I-”

“Don’t talk about last night.” Seungsik’s tone is sharp, unforgiving, but he looks uncomfortable, almost ashamed of what he did. “I thought… I thought you were someone else.” 

“You can talk to me about it,” Seungwoo says, trying to build that bridge. His eyes are soft, and he’s tired of the distrust and the distance. “Maybe, I know a little of what you’re going through.”

“You’re wrong,” Seungsik laughs coldly. It sounds wrong. So _wrong_. He shakes his head, looking to the side. “You can’t relate to me. No one can. No one understands.”

“You’re not the only one who’s lost someone,” Seungwoo says.

“What?” Seungsik scoffs. His expression is painful, grief creeping in on the edges. “What have you lost?”

The same oh so familiar feeling twists in the pit of his stomach and every instinct tells him to push this away, to back down. But he looks across the fire, and it’s those same brown eyes that shimmer on the edge of every memory he has. 

“You,” Seungwoo finally says, and he feels cold despite the heat of the fire. “I lost you.”

He sees everything in Seungsik visibly stop, meeting his gaze across the fire. Seungwoo can feel the shift in the air between them, the way that Seungsik drops his shield of defensiveness.

“How?” Seungsik asks. He looks smaller, shoulders sagging and weary exhaustion bleeding through into his expression. He looks tired. Tired of fighting, tired of being strong. 

“He got sick.” The words painfully settle in Seungwoo’s throat, and that’s all he can make himself say. Unwelcome memories of Seungsik’s pale, thin face with tubes and needles sticking from his arms loom in the darkness of his mind, making his stomach clench. 

Seungsik waits for more and exhales when Seungwoo can’t make himself say anything else. He gets up and sits next to him, shoulders slumping in exhaustion. 

“I wasn’t lying before, you know,” Seungwoo manages, gathering his nerves to meet Seungsik’s eyes again. “What I said yesterday. I really thought that I was never going to see you again.” 

Silence falls over the two of them, and Seungwoo looks away, struggling against the waves of memories of Seungsik fighting to smile every time he came to visit him in the hospital.

He clenches his fists as he tries to push it all away, fighting off the sheer hopelessness that still leaves a sour aftertaste on his tongue. It burns his throat and settles like a knot in his stomach.

“He was sent on a solo assignment by upper command,” Seungsik says, startling Seungwoo from his thoughts. “He told me it was just going to be a quick scouting assignment. It’d take a week at most,” Seungsik’s voice tightens, and he has to pause. “We lost contact after three days.”

“So we’ve both lost each other,” Seungwoo says, his voice hoarse.

Seungsik looks down at his hands. “Everyone thinks he’s lost,” he whispers, and Seungwoo sees how his hands shake. 

He remembers how Seungsik had clung to him once he saw him, _“I knew you were alive,”_ he had whispered. _“I just knew it. I could feel it.”_

“I feel like the only thing keeping me going these days is the hope that he’s still out there,” Seungsik whispers. “That he’s just waiting for me to find him.”

Seungwoo gives him a tight-lipped smile, feeling pained by his words. Hope. He remembers what that felt like. And how raw and terrifying it is to have it stripped away. 

Seungsik’s eyes flicker to meet him like he’s just catching up to all that he just shared. He coughs, readjusting his position. The vulnerability is once more just pushed away, the grief impossibly swallowed back down. 

“These are probably ready,” Seungsik murmurs, leaning forward to the cans settled near the fire. He lightly taps it to test the heat, then picks it up, deciding it’s safe. “I bet you’re hungry,” he says, handing Seungwoo his can. 

Seungwoo hums, taking it, then watching Seungsik fuss a little with the fire. It’s shocking, the difference from a few moments ago, but Seungwoo is happy that he’s managed to break through that cold wall Seungsik had put between them. Even if it meant digging up all too painful memories. He’s grateful for the warmth of the fire as the air around them has cooled significantly now that the sun has completely disappeared. 

Seungsik gets up to grab spoons from his bag, and he hands one to Seungwoo as he sits down next to him again. They eat in silence, the crackle of the fire the only thing keeping the silence from getting too heavy. Seungsik was right, he’s near ravenous, downing his warm can of soup in no time at all. Seungsik follows right behind him, setting down his empty can. 

“So, what’s it like?” Seungsik asks, clearing his throat, bringing up a new subject. Seungwoo tilts his head. “In your world… What is it like?”

“Oh, well…” Seungwoo sighs, trying to find the right words. “It’s nothing like here. There have been wars, but never where we were. Not for a long time. I used to say it’s kind of boring, but now that I’ve been here… it’s safe.” 

“Well, I can tell that you’re not a soldier,” Seungsik chuckles, and Seungwoo laughs, feeling embarrassed for the mistakes he’s made since he’s been here. But Seungsik’s comment feels warm, not scathing. It’s almost teasing, and it takes away that cold feeling from moments ago. 

“It’s that obvious, is it?” Seungwoo says, and Seungsik’s lips twitch into a small smile. “No, no, I’m nothing like that. I make music.”

“Music?” Seungsik repeats. He looks surprised.

“Yeah,” Seungwoo says. “I’m an independent songwriter and producer. I write songs and entertainment companies or record labels buy them from me.” 

Seungsik still has an adorable stunned look on his face, like he’s trying to wrap his head around the concept. Seungwoo lets out a small laugh, “What, your Seungwoo never liked music?”

“No, no,” Seungsik shakes his head. “I mean- I’m sure he liked it, but… he never said anything about it to me if he ever had a dream like that. We don’t really have jobs like that, not anymore. Not here.” 

Seungwoo nods. “And did you always know you were going to join the military?” 

Seungsik lets out a dry laugh. He looks down, shaking his head. “No, not really. I…” he trails off, trailing his fingers through the sand. “I actually wanted to be a doctor. Or something of the sort. I don’t know. It all seems so far away now - those dreams you have when you’re younger.” 

Seungwoo feels his heart jump to his throat. Seungsik looks over at him, a wistful look on his face. He tilts his head, seeing something in Seungwoo’s expression. “What is it?” 

“Nothing,” Seungwoo whispers, looking away. “It’s just that my- my Sik. He was a nurse.” There’s twisting in his chest, deep and painful. “He was really good at it. And he loved his job… it was everything to him.” 

Seungsik makes a noise, and Seungwoo has to look back at him. There’s something sad shining in his eyes. But it’s different from all the pitying looks he’s received from others. This holds something more. It’s somehow both more comforting and more painful, and he has to force himself not to look away.

“So why not a doctor?” Seungwoo asks, trying to clear his throat. “Or at least maybe something like what Chan is, like a medic?”

Seungsik smiles bitterly, looking back at the fire. “My family… they died in one of the series of bombings at the start of the war. I had just turned eighteen… and suddenly, everyone had been taken from me. Everyone except Seungwoo.” 

Seungwoo stares, chilled to the bone. Chan wasn’t kidding when he said that Seungsik had been through so much. Too much for one person to carry on their own. 

“He had wanted to join the Resistance since I’d met him. At this point, the war had been going on for almost two years, but he was waiting for me to finish school so we could move to the city together. I was going to go to medical school, and he was going to go to basic training.” Seungsik’s head falls down, and he swallows thickly. “But then the bombing happened, and suddenly I had nothing. No family, no support. So instead of going to be a doctor, I followed him. I joined him on his path instead of going on my own.”

He shakes his head. “But I don’t regret it. I don’t think that I could’ve done it on my own at that point in my life. Sometimes I wonder how I can still do it on my own now.”

“I’m sorry about your family,” Seungwoo whispers, and he has to stop himself from reaching out and touching Seungsik’s arm. 

“It was a long time ago,” Seungsik says, a bittersweet smile on his face. “What you said about your Seungsik… it makes me feel better, in a way. That one of us got to do it - chase our dream.”

Seungwoo swallows, nodding. 

“Maybe you still could,” he offers, and Seungsik gives a soft laugh. He clearly doesn’t believe him. 

“They need me where I am,” he says, and Seungwoo can tell there’s purpose there. Even if Seungsik can’t see it himself.

“I think you’re doing a good job,” Seungwoo says, and Seungsik blinks, a startled laugh leaving him. It almost makes him sad. He wonders when the last time someone has told him that was. 

“How would you even have the slightest idea of whether that’s true or not?” Seungsik asks, raising an eyebrow, “Mr. Independent-Music-Producer.”

Seungwoo fights the flush that’s creeping up his neck. He’s pretty sure he’s being made fun of. 

“I just know these things,” he says, a matter of fact. 

“Oh, you just know them.” Seungsik says, and now Seungwoo knows for sure he’s being made fun of.

“Yes, I just know them.” He repeats indignantly, holding his head high.

Seungsik snorts, rolling his eyes, before quieting down again, deciding to just accept it. Seungwoo fights the smile twitching on his lips.

They sit next to each other quietly, an amicable silence falling between them. Seungwoo lets himself zone out, staring into the dwindling fire, grateful for a moment of peace. 

“It’s getting late,” Seungsik finally says, pushing himself from the ground. He kicks sand over the last of the weakly flickering flames, killing the fire. “There’s a long way to go tomorrow. We should get some rest.”

Seungwoo nods. His limbs ache at the reminder of more walking tomorrow, but this is exactly what he signed up for, so he can’t really complain now.

Seungsik crouches by his bulky bag, digging through his supplies. “We can set up in the alcove. It should block most of the sand and wind.” He looks up at Seungwoo, ready to say more - when he stops, eyes scanning over Seungwoo and then the area around him. 

“Where’s your stuff?” he asks, perplexed. “Did you not bring anything with you?” 

Seungwoo swallows, suddenly nervous. “Uh…” 

“Oh my god,” Seungsik says, cursing under his breath. Seungwoo cringes internally. God, he feels so incredibly out of his element it’s not even funny.

Seungsik sighs, closing his eyes, and his head falls forward briefly like he’s forcing himself to take a moment. “It’s fine,” he mutters, looking more like he’s talking to himself than anyone else. “It’s fine. We’re fine. We’ll just… share.” 

Seungwoo stays where he is, watching Seungsik continue to unpack with wide eyes. Did he _really_ just manage to piss him off _again?_

Seungsik shakes his head, standing up and dragging his bag under the stone alcove. He brushes away stray rocks and twigs, evening out the ground as much he can. He takes out a thick roll of fabric, undoes the clips holding it together and rolls it out. A sleeping bag, Seungwoo realizes, just then understanding what Seungsik meant by sharing. 

Oh. _Oh_.

“Are you coming?” Seungsik asks, not looking up. Seungwoo scrambles up, ducking under the rocky overhang. 

Seungwoo can’t help but feel flustered, and he’s thankful that the darkness hides the red rising to his ears. “I-I can just, maybe sleep without one. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable…” 

Seungsik shakes his head. “These are designed for sleeping outside. Our uniforms don’t do enough to insulate. It gets too cold at night for someone to sleep without extra protection. You’d get hypothermia, and even if you didn’t - you’d barely get any sleep.”

Seungwoo falls silent, still feeling like he’s overstepping the boundaries that Sik has set up between them. He does already feel cold, and with the promise of the temperature dropping even further, he involuntarily shivers, but he still eyes the object in question, unable to stop feeling skeptical.

“Can two people even fit?”

Seungsik nods. “Yeah, we’ve shared-” he coughs, correcting himself. “I’ve shared it with someone else before.”

It’s fairly obvious who Seungsik is referring to, but Seungwoo lets it slide by, too afraid to make the situation even more uncomfortable. 

“Just take off your boots,” Seungsik says, and that’s the last thing he decides to say, already unlacing his own bulky combat boots.

Seungwoo swallows, kneeling down to do as he says. Seungsik also takes off the extra gear he’s wearing, and that's the first time Seungwoo notices that his belt also extends down his leg into a thigh harness. _Holy shit._ He swallows, throat suddenly dryer than before. 

Seungsik ignores his ogling, setting it all off to the side next to his bag, before he unzips the sleeping bag as far as the zipper goes - which is halfway - and slips inside. He makes sure he’s as far to one side as one can possibly be in a single-person sleeping bag. Which isn’t much.

Seungwoo puts his boots next to Seungsik’s and swallows. Well. Here goes nothing. 

It’s not an easy fit. At all. Seungsik is very tense next to him, choosing not to meet Seungwoo’s eyes as he attempts to squeeze in next to him. “Sorry,” he murmurs under his breath as his legs tangle with Seungsik’s, shoulders pressing tight against each other. 

“Can you zip it?” Seungsik murmurs, and god, he’s so close, but Seungwoo nods, hands fumbling to find the zipper. 

“If you get too cold, we can close this over our head,” Seungsik explains, barely meeting his eyes before reaching up and pulling the mouth of the sleeping bag over them, blocking away all light. He lets it go, and Seungwoo can see his face again, soft moonlight shining on his skin. Seungwoo just wants to stare and count his eyelashes, but he makes himself look away, nodding.

“Okay, sure,” he breathes, and honestly, he’s scared to move even an inch. Seungsik’s body is warm and pressed up, right against him, and all he wants to do is envelope himself around it, but he can’t. Not with the way things are now. 

An awkward silence falls between them, and all Seungwoo can hear is the sound of their breathing, the distant howl of the wind. Seungwoo can feel Seungsik forcing himself to relax, feeling every slight shift to get more comfortable. 

“It’d be easier-” Seungsik sighs, “I’m sorry, but we’ll fit better if I-” he shifts, trying his hardest not to elbow Seungwoo in the side. He rolls on his side, turning his back to Seungwoo, and Seungwoo has to shift to fit the new arrangement, pressing up against Seungsik’s back, and then his brain short circuits because, well, _they’re spooning._

Sort of. 

Seungwoo has his arms pressed to his own chest in some kind of squished mummy impression, holding his breath because his nose is mere inches from the back of Seungsik’s neck. 

“Is this okay?” Seungsik asks, and Seungwoo would laugh if he wasn’t so on edge. 

“Yeah,” he breathes, and he knows his breath tickles the back of Seungsik’s neck. “O-of course. Whatever makes you more comfortable.” 

Seungsik huffs, peeking over his shoulder. He squirms a little, legs rubbing against Seungwoo’s, his back pressing back a little more onto Seungwoo’s arms. With an exhale, he releases some of the tension, shoulders sagging, head resting on his arm. 

“Goodnight, then,” he says, and Seungwoo hums it back, unable to stop staring at the curve of Seungsik’s neck just inches away.

Seungwoo doesn’t know how much time passes as he watches Seungsik’s shoulders go up and down with every breath, but eventually, Sik’s breathing starts to slow, evening out, drifting off easily despite the snug fit of the sleeping bag. 

He really must be used to sleeping anywhere because Seungwoo has no such luck. He tries closing his eyes, laying his head on the hard ground, and imagining himself elsewhere, but all he comes back to is the warmth of Sik’s body, and the way his breathing sounds, and how much Seungwoo has _missed_ hearing it as he tries to fall asleep. 

Hesitantly and ever so carefully, Seungwoo unfolds the arms that have been tightly pressed to his chest. He tucks one under his head as Seungsik has done, so his neck has at least a little support, and the other… he can’t help but creep it over Seungsik’s waist.

He waits, watches, but Seungsik doesn’t stir, breathing staying steady, so he lets it fully relax over him, the full weight of his arm successfully curling over Seungsik’s waist. He lets out the breath that he even didn’t realize he was holding and releases the lingering tension in his body. 

Leaning his head forward slightly, his nose barely grazes the back of Seungsik’s neck. He breathes, closes his eyes, and imagines that he’s smelling the sweet scent of peaches, that the warmth surrounding him is from the covers of their bed, and that Sik’s alarm has been set for his shift at the hospital. 

_Goodnight, baby,_ he thinks, curling his fingers into the fabric of Seungsik's uniform.

Seungsik sighs in his sleep, unconsciously pressing back into Seungwoo’s chest. 

_Goodnight, hyung._

~

Pain and warmth. Those are the two sensations that Seungwoo feels when he wakes up.

  
  
First - his body absolutely _aches_ as he takes his first half-awake breath. He groans, realizing how brutal the ground was on his already sore limbs, and his muscles feel tight and burn as he shifts.

The second - and Seungwoo absolutely _loves_ the second - is warmth. Nothing stops him from cozying right up to Sik’s lithe body, wrapping his arms tighter around the warmth in front of him. He snuggles his face further into the nape of his neck, sighing contentedly, and then, _then_ , he wakes up that last final bit and realizes what he’s done.

His eyes snap open and he inhales sharply, freezing around Seungsik’s body. He panics briefly before realizing that Seungsik hasn’t woken up yet. His breathing is still steady, back pressed firmly against Seungwoo’s chest. He hasn’t moved an inch - not that there’s much space to move regardless of their sleeping arrangement. 

_Okay,_ he breathes in. So he hasn’t been caught, _yet._

Seungwoo exhales shakily, slowly retracting his arm around Sik’s waist, pulling away. At that, Seungsik stirs, making a low noise. He stops Seungwoo’s arm, pulling it closer to his chest.

Seungwoo stills, staring at the back of Seungsik’s head, just staring. Okay. _Okay._ He tries to keep his breathing steady, but the flow of emotions makes it difficult to focus. Seungsik holds onto him like he’s an anchor, making soft noises. Seungwoo keeps himself as still as possible, every muscle in his body tense and screaming at him, but he doesn’t dare move.

It doesn’t take long before Seungsik blinks his eyes open, but it feels like hours to Seungwoo. Seungsik lets go of his arm in an attempt to rub the sleep out of his eyes, and Seungwoo uses the chance to retract his arm, pinning it to his own body and hoping Seungsik isn’t awake enough to have noticed.

Seungsik yawns and shifts, turning to look at Seungwoo. Then his eyes shoot open, and he flinches, realization visibly shooting through him, and he sits up straight. Seungwoo gets tugged along by the sudden movement of the sleeping bag, and he flails his arms in an attempt to not fall into Seungsik.

“Good morning,” Seungwoo coughs as he unzips the sleeping bag and hastily crawls out. He winces at the sudden cold, instantly missing Seungsik’s body pressed up against him.

“Hi,” Seungsik breathes, getting up as well.

They stand there for a moment, and Seungsik seems to relax now that there’s an appropriate distance between them. Seungwoo allows himself to relax a bit as well, sitting down on the floor next to their supplies. He can still give his legs some rest before Seungsik decides it’s time to move again.

“How did you sleep?” Seungsik asks, and Seungwoo shrugs. 

“It could’ve been worse,” he says. That much is true only based on the fact that he actually managed to sleep at all, but then there’s also that painful knot in his back and shoulders. He stretches, trying to get himself to loosen up. “What about you?”

“Oh- Um, fine.” Seungsik looks a little affronted by the question for some reason. Seungwoo realizes then that this is the most rested Sik has looked since he’s seen him - there’s an alert brightness to his brown eyes, and the bags underneath don’t seem so dark or heavy anymore. Seungwoo has to suppress an amused smile, seeing what looks like a light flush on Seungsik’s cheeks. It’s cute. 

“Help me get everything back in the bag,” Seungsik hastily changes the topic and opens his bag to rummage through it, setting out the supplies.

Seungwoo nods and starts the daunting task of rolling the sleeping bag up tightly enough for it to actually fit in the bag. It takes him a while, but eventually, he manages to fasten the clips, and he assumes it’s rolled up tightly enough.

“How did you find me, anyway?” Seungsik asks. The question comes out of nowhere, startling Seungwoo. “Yesterday. You couldn’t have known which way I went, could you?”

His voice isn’t judging, just curious. “Well, when I noticed you had disappeared, I just knew you’d be going to the place where he had disappeared. And that you’d be going alone. I- well, I just knew.” Seungwoo shrugs.

“Ah, so, another one of those things you ‘just know,’” Seungsik snickers, and Seungwoo shoots him a glare that isn’t half as menacing as he intends it to be. “Did you also ‘just know’ where you were supposed to go? Are you omniscient?” He continues, laughing at Seungwoo’s expense.

“I _happened_ to see the area on the map you used in the council room, with the colonel and- Uhm, Eunji?” Seungwoo doesn’t quite remember the official title she held, and he hopes it isn’t too disrespectful to call her by her name.

Seungsik simply nods, his smile still mischievous, a teasing glint in his eyes. Seungwoo supposes he’s in the clear. “So I snuck a map out of someone’s bag at the barracks to follow you.” He finishes sheepishly, taking out the map and compass and holding them up. “I hope whoever they belong to isn’t too angry.”

“Wait-” Seungsik stares at the map and compass in Seungwoo’s hands, his eyes wide. “You mean to tell me that you went through the trouble of finding someone’s bag, taking their map and compass, but then you didn’t bring _the rest of their supplies?”_

Seungwoo stares at the items in his hands, the realization seeping into him that _yes, yes he did. He’s an idiot._ “Uhm,” Is all he manages, glancing up at Seungsik.

“Wow, you really are not from here.” Seungsik lets out a disbelieving laugh. “Are you dumb?”

“In my defense, I was a little preoccupied,” Seungwoo huffs indignantly.

Seungsik shakes his head and turns back to his bag, putting things back inside. “I suppose we’ll have to stop by somewhere for more. I only brought enough for one person. We’d last until we arrive, but we wouldn’t make it back, not comfortably at least.”

“Is there a way to get more supplies?” Seungwoo asks, putting the map and the compass down to bring the rolled-up sleeping bag over to where Seungsik sits.

Seungsik puts the last of the supplies in his bag, not responding, and Seungwoo wonders if he’s gotten angry. He’s about to ask when Seungsik turns back to him and reaches out to grab the map off the floor. He opens it up and scans it for a bit, tracing the map with his finger.

“There should be an underground storage site if we take a small detour. Right over here somewhere.” He points at an empty point on the map, and Seungwoo stares at it, trying to find something that could indicate any sort of building. Seungsik turns back to his bag, opening it again to rummage through it.

“Where?” Seungwoo asks eventually, unable to find anything.

“It’s not on the map.” He turns back to him while holding what looks like a protein bar. “We don’t want the enemy to know about those, in case the maps fall into the wrong hands. It’s something we’re trained to remember. Once we get closer to it, there should be indications.” He offers the bar to Seungwoo, who takes it gratefully.

“Oh,” he says, feeling a bit silly for staring at the map so long. Well, he’s feeling a bit silly for a lot of reasons. Eventually, he snaps out of it and puts the map away.

He unwraps the bar, taking a bite. He immediately makes a face, forcing himself to chew. “Oh _god,_ this is gross.”

Seungsik shoulders shake like he’s laughing, but only a small smile twitches at his lips. He takes out his own bar.

“Yep, they taste awful. Eat it. You’re going to need the energy,” he says, but then proceeds to eat all of his in a couple of bites. All while Seungwoo grimaces, forcing himself to continue. Seungsik seems to be amused at his expense, so maybe it’s worth it.

“Let’s go. The sooner we get there, the better,” Seungsik says, hoisting the bag over his shoulder.

Seungwoo scrambles to get up, looking around at the now completely empty alcove. “What can I carry?” He feels bad for having Seungsik carry everything alone when the bag looks like it weighs so much. He should be helping.

Seungsik looks him over and shakes his head. “You’d just drop it.”

Seungwoo stares at him for a moment, baffled. What does he mean by that? He’s not that scrawny. Sure, he hasn’t been very consistent with his gym schedule, but he can handle quite some weight. Seungsik seems to read his expression, and he shakes his head again.

“No chance, we already have so few supplies.” He turns around and starts walking, giving Seungwoo no other option than to follow him.

Seungsik seems to know the way really well, though the route they’re taking diverts from the landmarks they were supposed to pass. It makes Seungwoo a little nervous, to not know where they’re going or if they’re even going in the right direction.

He doesn’t have any choice but to trust Seungsik, which he does, but it still bugs him. He doesn’t even have anything to hold on to, apart from the map and compass that are stuffed securely into the pockets of his jumpsuit.

It’s quiet. Seungsik is focused on finding the way while Seungwoo’s lost in thought, too many questions and doubts filling his mind. After a while, he can’t keep quiet anymore.

“How do you know there will be supplies there?” He asks, and Seungsik looks up, surprised. “I mean, do you use it regularly?”

“We keep the supply storages well-stocked while on patrol.” Seungsik turns his attention back to the road ahead as he explains. “It’s important to have them around, for when a team’s supply runs low, whether it be the soldiers losing something or the weather messing with supplies. Or for longer scouting missions when there’s simply not enough space to take plenty supplies.”

“That makes sense,” Seungwoo hums.

“It’s an efficient system,” Seungsik continues, “the old supplies get taken out and replaced by newer ones. That way, if there is ever a need for them, they’re fresh. The old supplies are used before they go bad; we hardly ever waste anything.”

They’re silent again after that for a while. There’s still so much Seungwoo wants to know, so many questions left unanswered. Chan explained a lot, but that also raised even more questions. He doesn’t know where to start, nor where to stop.

He doesn’t really feel like testing Seungsik’s boundaries too much, knowing how angry he can get in a matter of seconds. Eventually, he settles on a question that seems safe enough.

“Do you go on patrols often?” He knows Seungsik is high-up in the ranks, but seeing as he went with them on their research expedition, and he was completely prepared to go on this mission with the team, he assumes he takes on quite an active role.

Seungsik hums, a thoughtful look on his face. “I used to. But, as captain, I can’t afford to leave the base often. I only go if it’s something big, something important. When I was still lieutenant, I went out on patrol a lot. I would lead the bigger patrols, like the ones that go past the border we’re closing in on, actually.”

“Will we encounter them?” Seungwoo asks, suddenly nervous. Will they have to sneak past their own men? He hopes not.

“No, I called back everyone when- well, the other day.” Seungwoo nods and swallows, remembering that moment all too well. He doesn’t really want to think about it. Seungsik’s touch is still burnt into his mind, boiling under his skin.

“We set out before they left again. I haven’t had the chance to reinstate them, so we should be well ahead of them.” Seungsik continues hastily, also not keen on lingering on the topic.

“Alright,” Seungwoo says quietly, scared he’s said too much again.

They walk on, the sun rising slowly, burning brightly right above them. Seungsik motions for him to stop, setting his bag down against a tall rock that provides a bit of shade.

“Time for lunch.” He announces, sitting down with his back against the rock.

He pats the space next to him, and Seungwoo doesn’t have to be told twice. He’s not used to this much walking, and the ground is still sandy as ever, making every step so much more tiring. His legs feel like they’re about to fall off, and he breathes a sigh of relief when he finally sits down.

“Tired?” Seungsik asks, handing him a canteen with water.

“Mm,” is all Seungwoo manages as he throws back the water, the cool water a stark contrast against his hot, dry tongue.

“Don’t drink too fast. You’ll feel sick,” Seungsik says before taking a swig of his own canteen. “We’ll find more water at the supply. After that, you can have your own flask to drink from but use it wisely. We can’t take too many since we only have one bag.”

Seungwoo nods and sets his canteen down, his tongue no longer like sandpaper in his mouth. He knows Seungsik isn’t mad at him for not bringing the supplies, but he still feels a pang of guilt for being so stupid whenever it comes up.

Seungsik takes out a few cans from his bag, handing one of them to Seungwoo. It’s some sort of soup, similar to the one from the night before. “Cold soup?” He opens the can, carefully taking a whiff.

“We don’t have time to start a fire,” Seungsik shrugs and puts a hand on his arm, pushing it down. “Don’t drink it straight from the can, you’ll cut your lips.”

Seungwoo flushes, Seungsik’s touch shocking like electricity through the long sleeves of his shirt. Seungsik doesn’t seem to notice, retracting his arm to fetch a few spoons from the bag. Seungwoo takes his and tentatively tries the soup, surprised to find it tasting quite normal and certainly better than he assumed it would - though that might be the hunger talking.

They eat in silence, both of them too hungry and worn out from the long trek. Seungwoo can tell he’s a lot worse off than Seungsik, but Seungsik himself looks like the break was much needed as well. He stretches his legs out and leans his head back for a bit, his can already empty.

“Someone was hungry,” Seungwoo teases, unable to stop himself.

Seungsik huffs, but a smile creeps onto his lips. “You just eat slow.”

“Hmm, sure.” Seungwoo rolls his eyes, relieved to see that this Seungsik can still take his teasing. He scoops up the last bits of his soup and rests his head back as well, feeling quite content with a full stomach.

“Five minutes. Then we move again.” Seungsik says sternly, his eyes closed as though he’s about to take a nap.

Seungwoo doubts anyone could sleep in this position, the rocks pressing into his back and his neck aching already from the uncomfortable angle. Nonetheless, he closes his eyes for a bit too, at the very least able to give his eyes some rest from the constant bright light of the sun.

“Did you know anyone else besides me? Back in your world?” Seungsik pipes up after what feels like only a minute of silence.

Seungwoo is relieved, both because he’s not the one starting the conversation, which means Seungsik is definitely okay with him talking, but also because this, at least, is a topic he can handle.

“Only a few,” he starts, opening his eyes to look at Seungsik. “Subin used to be quite a good friend, but we lost touch over a year ago.” He lets out a soft laugh. “You should see how different he is. He’s so kind, but he can be a bit of a brat. Though he’s just as sharp as your Subin; he never misses anything.”

Seungsik smiles, looking up at the sky. “I think it’s just you that he doesn’t like. The Subin I know is a kind brat as well.”

“Thanks,” Seungwoo says dryly, and Seungsik snickers, “that makes me feel a lot better.”

“Who else?” Seungsik sits up a bit straighter and stretches.

“Chan,” Seungwoo shrugs as Seungsik looks up at him, surprised.

“Chan? Really?” 

“Yeah,” Seungwoo raises an eyebrow, “Is that so hard to believe?”

“No, it’s just-” Seungsik looks away again, flustered. “I didn’t expect it. It’s not like Chan and my Seungwoo have a bad relationship, but they don’t have reason to talk very often. They’re not very close.”

“That explains a lot,” Seungwoo thinks back on the professional attitude Chan had adopted when they spoke.

“What do you mean?” Seungsik’s face scrunches into a frown, and Seungwoo looks away to keep himself from cooing at him.

“I spoke to him before I left to find you. He explained what happened, with the whole war and everything. He was so-” Seungwoo gestures with his hands, trying to find the right words. “He spoke as though I was there to consult a doctor, not a friend.”

“Well, he is a doctor.” Seungsik chuckles and stands up, motioning for Seungwoo to do the same. “We have to get moving. It’s been longer than five minutes.”

Seungwoo gets up too and brushes the sand off his clothes. He sighs at the ache in his legs that doesn’t seem to have dulled nearly as much as he’d hoped while they were resting.

“Tell me about your Subin and Chan,” Seungsik says when they start moving again. “I’m curious; what are they like?”

Seungwoo smiles, grateful for the distraction. “Well, like I said, Subin is sharp and keen, always aware of your emotions or intentions before everyone else. Sometimes even before you are. He’s a brat, always talking back, and he can get everyone to do absolutely everything for him, somehow. But he’s cute, so you can’t be mad at him.”

“Please, don’t ever call Subin cute in his presence. I don’t think that’d end well for you,” Seungsik interjects, a fond smile on his face.

“Well, that’s something they have in common then,” he says, and Seungsik chuckles. Seungwoo’s heart can’t help but skip a beat at the sound.

He coughs and scratches his neck. “Anyway, Chan… Chan is my best friend. In my world, he’s also a music producer.”

Seungsik nearly chokes on a laugh and has to stop for a moment to calm his breathing. “Chan? _Music?”_

“Yeah! And he’s really talented. He does shows too, and other live events.” Seungwoo says proudly. “He organizes them, and sometimes DJs. It’s a bit of a hobby for him.”

Seungsik shakes his head in disbelief. “I cannot imagine Chan on a stage or in a studio.”

“Well, I had the same with your Chan. Even after seeing him, it was hard to imagine him as a serious doctor.” Seungwoo chuckles. “But it’s true. He really is a music producer. And he’s my best friend.”

“Well, that seems fitting if you’re both in the music business.” Seungsik nods to himself, connecting the dots in his head.

“Yeah, we became friends in uni, both being music majors.” Seungwoo smiles despite himself. He thinks of the Chan he met here and the Chan back home.

“He’s honestly not so different from this Chan if you ignore the whole polite attitude. He’s kind and reliable, always there for you, but never in an invasive way, not if he can help it. It’s why I went to him, I knew I could talk to him. And I was right. He didn’t judge me or try to ask too many questions.”

“Yeah, you can always count on Chan,” Seungsik agrees.

He hoists the bag up further onto his shoulder with a pained huff, and Seungwoo frowns. “Can you please let me carry some of that?” He hates seeing Seungsik struggle so much, especially when he could be taking some of that burden off him.

Seungsik shakes his head, a stubborn look in his eyes. “No, I already told you.”

Seungwoo grumbles to himself, feeling frustrated. Why is he so stubborn? He can’t possibly think it’s a good idea to keep lugging the bag around all by himself? But of course, he does. And Seungwoo doesn’t seem to have a choice but to let him.

They trudge on for a while, Seungsik continuously asking him for more stories. He tells him about every adventure he’s had with Chan, from the time they thought it was a good idea to go ziplining, with Chan being scared out of his mind (he fails to mention how scared he had been himself), to all the times they simply sat in the studio, fixing their songs amidst friendly banter.

Seungsik seems to genuinely enjoy hearing about his world, occasionally jumping in with a laugh or a comment like ‘that’s so Chan.’ Seungwoo is more than happy to entertain him, also because it really does distract him from the burn in his limbs.

Finally, Seungsik stops at a small, lonely tree stump. “Look, we’re close.”

He points at the stem, and at first, Seungwoo fails to see how a simple tree stump could mean anything, but then he notices the small insignia that’s engraved into it, barely noticeable if you don’t know what to look for.

“Woah,” he comments, brushing over the carving with his fingertips. “That’s smart.”

“You see how it looks to be pointing up?” Seungsik explains. “It’s telling us the direction. There are several of these in a circle around the entrance. Just in case someone who’s lost or in trouble happens to stumble upon it, you never know. It also helps us find it, though in our case, it’s not entirely necessary.”

He moves again, in the direction the insignia points to, and Seungwoo follows. It doesn’t take more than a hundred steps for Seungsik to stop, his face scrunched up in concentration. He starts slowly walking in a circle that becomes larger with each spin.

When Seungwoo is just about to get dizzy from following his pacing, he stops again and stomps his foot on the ground. Seungwoo walks over, wondering what on earth he’s doing.

“Feel that?” Seungsik asks, and Seungwoo tries to focus on the ground under his own feet as Seungsik stomps again.

It doesn’t feel much different from the sand before, though that might be to blame on the fact that all he can really feel are the blisters pressing into his heels. Seungsik doesn’t wait for an answer. Instead, he kneels and starts scooping away the sand.

A hatch quickly becomes visible, barely covered by a small layer of sand. It looks to be metal, and Seungwoo supposes he should have felt the hardness of it by stomping himself.

Seungsik gestures for him to move back, and he hastily takes a few steps backward, so Seungsik can pull open the hatch, revealing a dark hole with a ladder mounted to the side.

“Watch your toes,” Seungsik warns as the hatch swings back, coming to rest right beside Seungwoo’s feet.

Seungwoo jumps, startled. “Uh, thanks.”

Seungsik simply shakes his head at him before disappearing down the hole. Seungwoo follows him, nervously clamping onto the ladder as he descends into complete darkness. It takes a while, but suddenly his feet come into contact with the hard, concrete floor, and he lets out a startled yelp.

“Are you okay?” Seungsik asks from somewhere in the darkness.

Before he can answer, there’s a sudden flash of light, and the space is illuminated by the ghostly white glow of Seungsik’s flashlight. Luckily for Seungwoo, he’s mercifully pointing it down towards his feet, rather than directly into his eyes, but he still has to blink against the sudden brightness.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Seungwoo’s eyes slowly adjust to the light, and he looks around.

Concrete walls surround them, identical to the ones back at the camp. There’s a tunnel ahead of them, and all the way up, he can spot the bright patch of light from the outside world. They’re deep underground.

“Good. Let’s go then,” Seungsik leads the way down the tunnel that turns out to be a lot shorter than Seungwoo imagined.

Seungsik opens a door at the end that leads into a small storage room. Seungwoo had pictured a big room, with many shelves lining the wall, but instead, there are more boxes than shelves, and it’s smaller than the storage spaces back at the base.

Seungsik moves quickly, dropping the bag on the floor and handing the flashlight to Seungwoo, so he can light the space for him. He goes to work, opening one of the boxes closest to them. It seems to hold several sleeping bags, and he immediately closes it again.

“I can’t fit another sleeping bag in here,” he mutters, seemingly worried Seungwoo is unhappy with him skipping that box.

“It would be a waste of space if you did, anyway,” he answers, and Seungsik shoots him a grateful look.

He repeats the process, sometimes taking several items from one of the boxes, until they have more ration bars than soup, and Seungwoo grimaces at the thought of having to eat even more of those things. They take less space, though, so they can take far more of them.

Once he’s satisfied with the contents of their bag, Seungsik hands him a few bars, as well as new canteens of water. “Keep these on you, so we don’t have to open the bag every time you get hungry.”

Seungwoo is about to protest that he isn’t the only one to get that way, but then he sees Seungsik shove a handful into his own pockets as well. “Thanks,” he mumbles instead, and he stuffs the bars away.

“Drink and eat,” Seungsik turns around to sit down properly, and Seungwoo follows suit. “We won’t have to use our own supplies, at least for a while, if we eat here.”

Seungwoo does as he’s told, feeling his stomach rumble at the mention of food. He’s about to reach into the box with ration bars, but Seungsik stops him, handing him a can of soup instead.

“You really wanna waste one of your last opportunities to eat something other than that?” He smiles, and Seungwoo ducks his head, whispering a soft thank you.

He wonders when he’ll get better at this whole surviving thing as he digs into his can.

They eat and drink fast, eager to get going again, even though the thought of standing up opens new worlds of pain for Seungwoo. But there’s no reason to stay. Even though the sun beats down mercilessly up above, he thinks he prefers it to the heavy darkness of the storage space and baked, damp heat that lays over it. 

Seungsik stands up, clipping his canteen back to his belt and adjusting his uniform. He zips up the bag as Seungwoo finishes his last few bites of food, and with a grunt, lugs the bag over his shoulders. He rolls his neck, grimacing. “Ready?”

Seungwoo nods, pushing himself up. He leads the way out into the tunnel, flashlight still in hand, guiding the way to the spotlighted ladder.

“You go first,” Seungsik says, and Seungwoo steps up the first rung, climbing his way up. 

At the top, he turns around to help Seungsik up, the big and heavy bag making it difficult to get through the hole. Together they lift the hatch, even when Seungsik protests that he can do it alone.

Seungwoo hands him the flashlight again, and he quickly stuffs it into the bag, barely managing to close it again. Seungwoo winces when he thinks of the stress that must be putting on Seungsik’s shoulder, but he doesn’t push it for now. He can feel the exhaustion in his bones and hopes that the night will come soon.

After what feels like hours of walking in silence, the landscape changes. The sand and ash temporarily make way for a more rigid, rocky underground. It’s a welcome change for their tired muscles, as the rock is easier to walk on, but the rough edges and sudden drops make it easier to trip and fall as well.

“Careful,” Seungwoo says, for what feels like the hundredth time as he jumps down another small ledge.

Seungsik follows, stumbling under the weight of the bag on his back when he lands. Seungwoo hurries to steady him, and Seungsik pushes him away, mumbling, “I’m fine.” 

Seungwoo sighs but continues walking. He watches Seungsik continually adjust under the weight, sweat beading down the side of his face.

“Just let me carry it for a little while,” Seungwoo pleads, noticing how Seungsik has to hoist the bag upon his shoulder more and more.

They’re not taking enough breaks, not nearly, and he can’t imagine how heavy the bag must feel, especially with the added supplies. Seungsik shakes his head, stubbornly holding on to the strap as he trudges on.

“Seungsik, _give me the bag,”_ he says directly, no longer asking. His tone is as stern as he can manage, but he still doesn’t expect it to do anything. It’s mostly meant as a joke, maybe some humor will loosen Seungsik’s resolve.

He doesn’t expect Seungsik to stop and hold out the bag instantly, almost moving automatically. Seungwoo stares at him, and Seungsik blinks, equally confused. He makes a move as though to take the bag back, but Seungwoo is faster, and he snatches it, hoisting it on his shoulder. It’s heavy, but he can manage it for a little while.

“Let’s take turns.” He says, his tone leaving no room for argument.

He turns and starts walking again, hearing Seungsik huff behind him, but he follows and doesn’t try to fight him for now. It seems that even though Seungwoo might not be the actual captain, the commanding voice of the old captain is still ingrained in Seungsik, and this newfound power leaves Seungwoo feeling a bit strange.

He doesn’t like it, and it was never his intention to use it, but it worked out for the better. He’s finally able to take some of the burden from Sik, even if it’s only for a little while. 

With that thought, he shakes the odd feeling off and walks on, and Seungsik falls in step beside him.

~

“This might be the most shelter we’re going to find,” Seungsik says, standing on a hill, eyes scanning over the horizon. The sky is beautiful, painted with bright oranges and reds, but that means that the sun is setting, their travel time is ending, and they’ll need a place to rest. Right now, they’ve stopped by a cluster of trees, and the distant land promises no abandoned buildings or caves. “We’ll make camp here.”

Seungwoo nods, slipping the bag from his shoulder, ready for the day to be over. Seungsik gets to work going over their rations, while Seungwoo begins to gather branches, bark, and kindling for a fire. Seungwoo is pleased with how well they’ve started to work together, smiling to himself when he hears Seungsik humming softly as he preps the wood for the fire.

The sun has just dipped behind the horizon as they settle down again by their small fire. Seungwoo sighs, exhausted from the long day.

He rolls his shoulder, grimacing. Fuck, what the hell is in that bag that makes it so heavy?

Seungsik watches him with evident amusement in his eyes. Seungwoo huffs, “What.”

“Nothing.” Seungsik suppresses what Seungwoo assumes is a smirk, glancing away. 

“Right,” Seungwoo mutters, still feeling knots of tension in his shoulder. 

“All I’m saying. You could’ve just let me carry it,” Seungsik says, unable to hold in his giggle. The sound lights up Seungwoo’s chest, and he can’t help but smile, even though he’s being teased.

“What are you saying I’m not strong?” he asks, defensive but still smiling at the way Seungsik tries to hide his smile behind his hand. 

Seungsik bites his bottom lip, shoulders shaking, choosing not to answer, and Seungwoo makes a sound. Very offended. 

“Hey, I work out,” he says, and Seungsik nods. More than he should.

“I’m sure you do,” he says. “And I can tell. Really, your pure, raw strength is impressive. Very intimidating. _Astounding._ I pity any enemy that has to-”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Seungwoo says, and Seungsik laughs, leaning forward. It’s the brightest he’s ever seen him smile, Seungwoo realizes, unable to look away. 

“Hungry?” Seungsik asks, mercifully changing the subject. Seungwoo nods, stomach growling just at the thought of food. Seungsik drags over the bag in question, pulling out from their new stores. 

He pulls a knife from his thigh holster, cutting open a package of dried meat.

Seungwoo eyes it suspiciously, “So, is that the knife you tried to stab me with?”

Seungsik chokes briefly, clearly not expecting the question. He looks down at the knife in his hands, then back at Seungwoo.

“Technically,” he starts, eyebrows tilted in the way he does when he’s trying to get away with something, “I didn’t try to _stab_ you, I... W-Why are you laughing?”

“That should not be the excuse,” Seungwoo's voice is pitched with laughter, and he has to put a hand over his mouth to stop laughing from the sheer ridiculousness of the situation.

Seungsik looks perplexed at his reaction but starts to smile nonetheless. “Well, okay. Then, yes. To answer your question.”

He holds out the jerky as a peace offering, and Seungwoo takes it happily. It’s a welcome change from the mysterious ration bars and canned food. They sit in silence, focused on eating, exhausted from a long day of travel.

“I’m…” Seungwoo looks over when Seungsik breaks the long silence. His head is lowered, picking at the fabric of his uniform. He looks like he’s lost that spark in his eyes he had just moments ago. “I’m sorry about that. That night.”

Seungwoo blinks, not really having expected an apology. 

“Oh. It’s okay,” Seungwoo says. “I mean, it’s like you said. Technically, you didn’t stab me.” 

Seungsik's laugh is small and half-hearted, his smile wilted. “I just got so… so caught up in this fantasy that you were back, that I kept ignoring all the signs that something was wrong, that it didn’t _feel_ right. When I couldn’t ignore it anymore, I reacted poorly. And I’m sorry because I really could have hurt you.”

Seungwoo stares, regretting even bringing this up. He really didn’t expect such an emotional reaction. “Sik, really. It’s okay.”

Seungsik’s lip trembles, and he lets out a shaky sigh, dropping eye contact. “Okay,” he whispers, turning over the knife that’s still in his hands.

“Can I ask,” Seungwoo starts, really hoping that this isn’t crossing the line because he really can’t help but be curious. “What was the first give-away?”

Seungsik pauses, glancing up at him. He thinks for a moment, eyebrows furrowing, eyes going distant.

“Well, in hindsight,” he sighs, “When you first saw me… you called me something. In front of people.”

Seungwoo doesn’t understand what he’s talking about until he forces himself back at that moment, back when Seungsik had run into the medical hall, eyes frantic and searching. Seungwoo had clutched onto him, the words falling from his mouth in shock.

_“Sik? Baby?”_

“At the moment, it didn’t click, but thinking back, he’d never do that.” Seungsik shakes his head. “Not with Chan or Subin right there.”

Seungsik clears his throat to continue, eyes falling down. “But in the moment, the first time I remember thinking that this wasn’t right…” Seungwoo can’t see his face, but his voice is tight, barely above a whisper, “was how you touched me… It wasn’t the same. It felt so different - like I was with an entirely new person.” Seungsik softly snorts to himself. “I mean, I guess I was.”

Seungwoo listens with a rock sitting in his stomach. He remembers it so clearly. When Sik had asked him why he was acting the way he was - why he was being so gentle. None of it sits right.

“Seungsik… I’m sorry, too,” Seungwoo says. “I’m sorry if for any moment since then that you’ve felt… violated, or ashamed for what happened. It was never my intention to make you feel that way - I honestly, _really,_ just had absolutely no idea what was happening to me. And seeing you- it was like the only anchor I had. For that moment, you were the only thing in this whole mess that made sense, and I was just, so happy. So happy to see you again that I wasn’t thinking straight.”

Seungsik listens to him with glistening eyes, and Seungwoo’s throat feels tight as he forces himself to continue, “I know that we’re different people. In fact, I know that we’re practically strangers. But I care about you still. And I know that it has made you uncomfortable… but I can’t help it. So, I’m sorry. I’m just so sorry.” 

Seungsik nods, swallowing. “Thank you,” he whispers. “I-I don’t mean to come off as… cold, but I know that I do. It’s like you said - technically, we’re strangers. Yet I feel like I can tell you anything. And that scares me. A lot.” He lets out a soft laugh. “I’ve told you things that I haven’t said to anyone. Not for months.” 

His eyes are softer than before, warmer in the glow of the fire, but he shies away from Seungwoo’s stare, ducking his eyes. It’s the most honest and open he’s been this whole week, and Seungwoo’s heart pulls towards him even more. Longing, waiting, watching. 

Then Seungsik holds out the knife that he’d been holding, the handle out towards Seungwoo. Seungwoo looks at him, perplexed, but takes it anyway, feeling the smooth handle in his hands. It slides right into place, fingers falling into the grooves. Sometimes it can be awkward for him to hold tools because of how large his hands are, but he can tell this feels perfect, even though he has no knowledge of knives.

He turns it over in his palm, and he sees it. The small set of initials carved into the end of the handle.

_HSW._

“Han Seungwoo,” he murmurs, looking up at Seungsik.

“He didn’t take it with him,” Seungsik says, staring at the blade in Seungwoo’s hand. “I don’t know why… sometimes I can’t help but wonder if. If he knew something was going to happen to him. That he left it for me on purpose.”

“Sik, I-” Seungwoo looks at the sharp blade, flickering flames of the fire reflecting in the sharp metal. “I don’t think he could’ve known.”

Seungsik nods, looking away, “I-I know. You’re probably right.”

“But even if he didn’t mean to leave it,” Seungwoo says, turning the knife in hand to hold the blade. “He’s probably glad that he did. So you can still have a piece of him.” He holds it out, nodding for Sik to take it back. 

Seungsik looks up. The shields are pulled away from his eyes, letting Seungwoo see it all. The sorrow, the loneliness. It’s like looking in a mirror. 

“Thank you,” he whispers, taking it back. His voice soft like a breeze, yet still laced heavy with loss. “For listening. For understanding.”

“Of course,” Seungwoo breathes. The grip on his heart tightens, almost painfully. Because he does. He understands.

Seungsik seems to read him, his expression changing. His eyes burn with questions Seungwoo doesn’t want him to ask, and even that, he seems to see, turning his gaze back to the fire as he puts the knife back in its holster.

A silence settles over them, laced with emotions that they both have been fighting off for too long. At least now they can find some solace in each other, Seungwoo supposes as they watch the flames together. He’s happy about that. It lessens the waves of grief that wash over him, but the warmth of the fire is suddenly not as soothing as it was before.

Seungwoo catches a movement from the corner of his eyes, interrupting his thoughts, and he looks up in time to see Seungsik hide a yawn behind his hand. It’s getting late, Seungsik looks tired, and if he’s honest with himself, Seungwoo has been feeling exhausted for a while himself.

“Time for bed?” Seungwoo asks.

Seungsik looks up and nods, yawning again. He pushes on the ground to stand, brushing at his uniform before offering a hand to Seungwoo, who stares in shock for a moment before jumping to take it.

“Ready for sharing a sleeping bag, night two?” Seungsik says, pulling Seungwoo to his feet, and Seungwoo’s heart lightens at the teasing tone. Maybe they’ve settled into a routine now, and tonight will be less awkward.

“It was warm,” he comments, and Seungsik snorts. “Cozy.”

“Well, good. I have a feeling it’s going to get even colder tonight. We have even less shelter than last night.” He rolls out the long sleeping bag, taking off his extra tactical gear, then moving to untie his laces. Seungwoo follows suit, happy that they’re falling to a rhythm and the air is significantly less tense than before. 

They use the same method as before, Seungsik going in first and Seungwoo shoving the rest of himself in right after. Seungsik isn't as stiff as a board this time, so it’s easier for Seungwoo to slip in beside him. He’s still ultra-aware of all the places Seungsik is pressed against him, warm and solid. Seungsik then reaches behind Seungwoo, tugging at the zipper, and Seungwoo lays stunned at the pseudo-hug. 

Seungsik pulls back, faces inches from each other. “Was what we did last night comfortable for you?” Seungsik asks him, voice soft like a whisper. Seungwoo remembers to nod, voice caught in his throat. Seungsik gives this shy kind of smile that hits Seungwoo like a punch to his chest before turning around in the tight space.

Seungsik presses his back against him, putting Seungwoo in the same squished position curled around his slightly smaller frame. 

Seungsik adjusts briefly, peeking over his shoulder. He clears his throat, hesitating for a moment. “You can… you can do what you did last night. If you want to.”

Seungwoo feels his stomach bunch-up, embarrassed for being exposed, and feeling very much caught in the act. Tongue-tied, he can’t say a thing, mind racing at a thousand miles an hour. Well shit, so much for being sneaky. 

“It’ll be warmer,” Seungsik adds on, and Seungwoo is thanking whatever gods are out there that his back is turned, and he can’t see the panic on his face. 

Seungwoo's mind finally stutters to life, nodding. “R-right,” he stammers, carefully wrapping an arm around Sik’s waist. “Don’t want to be cold.” 

Seungsik pushes back into Seungwoo’s chest, snuggling back where he’s always fit so well. Seungwoo forces himself to relax as Seungsik does, letting the weight of his arm settle over Seungsik’s waist. 

He lets out a big sigh, tightening his hold, legs tangling with Seungsik’s at the other end. 

They finally just breathe, leaning into each other. Being the home for each other that Seungwoo knows they’re both missing. 

“This,” Seungsik whispers, so soft that Seungwoo barely hears it. “This feels the same.”

Seungwoo’s fingers tighten in Seungsik’s uniform, loss panging in his chest. He closes his eyes, his head falling against Seungsik’s shoulder. 

And briefly, _so briefly,_ he lets himself feel it, shuddering in loss, nose buried in his shoulder, holding too tight. _I miss you. I miss you so much._

Seungsik puts his hand over the one rest on this stomach, rubbing his thumb over his skin. And Seungwoo knows he understands. Sik’s fingers lace over Seungwoo’s, and he pulls his arm closer to his chest.

_I miss you too,_ it says. _I miss you so much._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! comments spark joy <33 don't worry we cried too :]
> 
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	4. us against the world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> helloooo!!! we welcome you to mega chapter :D thank you for joining us
> 
> if you're sensitive to certain topics please take time to note the new tags, also here's your Official Reminder that this fic is rated E 
> 
> now please enjoy all the food~

“I’ve been wondering,” Seungwoo starts, and Seungsik hums, looking up at him.

They’ve both already finished their lunch, seated on the hot, baked sand. No rock in sight is big enough to provide them any shade or comfort, so they’ve chosen to take their break on the sand. It’s uncomfortable, but that’s not what’s occupying Seungwoo’s mind right now.

“Uhm well, the colonel,” He continues hesitantly, trying to find a way to word this properly, “he seems- important.”

Seungsik snorts. “Important is an understatement. He’s the highest up, the _most_ important. We don’t exactly have the biggest military this world has ever seen.”

“You don’t seem to be on the best terms with him,” Seungwoo tries, scared he’s overstepping. Seungsik doesn’t seem thrilled to talk about this, but Seungwoo can't help his curiosity.

“Well, he has never really approved of my relationship with- you know, he thinks it’s unprofessional.” Seungsik shrugs with a sigh, “But he respected Seungwoo. His leadership. His poise. So he mostly left it alone, and we got along well enough, until… Well. The disappearance.”

“Why is that?”

“I think I was the first captain to really push into the theories about other worlds, other dimensions,” Seungsik explains, tracing his fingers through the sand. “We started having… disagreements because of it.”

“He doesn’t believe them?” Seungwoo still can’t wrap his head around it. He’s living proof, what more does the colonel want?

Seungsik stares off into the distance, and Seungwoo isn’t sure if he’s even listening anymore, but then he turns back, his eyes bright. “I don’t think he wants to. The evidence is there. We’re getting more and more solid connections. And now we even have you. I think he knows, but he’s too scared. An enemy that can make people disappear, seemingly at will? How do we fight that? I think he might just be pushing it away, choosing to focus on what he knows, what he can understand.”

Seungwoo nods slowly. He can understand that, not wanting to believe something to be true, choosing to shove it away as hard as you can. He shakes his head and pushes the painful memories that threaten to take over away, attempting to focus on Seungsik and what he’s saying.

“So, what we’re doing...” he trails off, unsure how to ask.

“Oh, he’s not going to like it.” Seungsik laughs, but it’s cold and humorless. Seungwoo shivers. “He directly told me not to go. I disobeyed orders.”

Seungwoo frowns. “What will he do?”

“To you, most likely nothing. After all, you don’t know any better. They’ll probably assume I dragged you into this.” Seungsik shrugs, seemingly unbothered.

“But you didn’t, I’ll tell them.” Seungwoo hates the thought of Seungsik getting into even more trouble because of him.

“They won’t believe you.” Seungsik gets up, brushing the sand off his clothes. 

“Then- what will they do to you?” Seungwoo asks as he gets up as well, picking up the bag and slinging it across his shoulder with a huff.

“I don’t know. We’ll see. Honestly, I’m trying not to think about it. First, we have to make sure we find the place before dawn.” Seungsik perks up and starts walking.

“Before dawn? Do you mean we’ll walk through the night?” Seungwoo asks, afraid of the answer.

“More or less. We’ll take a break once night falls, but only for a few hours.” Seungsik says, a matter of fact.

Seungwoo scoffs and hoists the bag up more securely on his shoulder. Of course, Seungsik would be used to it. _Seungwoo_ , on the other hand, winces as he thinks back on all the days he’s spent in bed these past months, unable even to get himself to fully wake up before sinking back into the bliss of unconsciousness.

He shakes his head and groans quietly, hoping Seungsik doesn’t pick it up. Almost a whole day _and night_ of walking. Though he can proudly say he’s getting used to the endless trek, his feet no longer aching quite as much, the thought of having to walk even more hours with no promise of rest. It’s not at the top of his list of favorite things to do.

“You know what bothers me most? About Colonel Lee not believing us.” Seungsik breaks the short silence, a hint of despair in his voice.

“The others- they believe him so easily. They blindly follow him, even when we show them our findings. Barely any of the other batteries invest in their own research team, and if they do, it’s only minimal. Eunji- she tries her best to let me do as much as I can. As long as I’m not neglecting my other duties, she stands in for the resources and makes sure we can do the research we’re doing. She’s one of the only ones who actually listens to me. I owe a lot to her.”

Seungwoo’s throat feels dry, Seungsik’s voice full of emotion. “She seems like a good person.” He says softly, holding himself back from reaching out to envelop Seungsik in a hug.

“She is.” Seungsik breathes.

A silence falls over them, their dull footsteps in the sand the only things breaking it. Seungwoo remembers the look in Seungsik’s eyes when he had been told no- when even Eunji couldn’t help him. He’s beginning to see just how much weight really rests on Seungsik’s shoulders, not only having to deal with his Seungwoo going missing but also with all the people that don’t believe him and actively go against him.

It makes him wonder just how _tired_ Seungsik really is.

The question doesn’t leave his mind as they walk on, the strap of the bag digging into his shoulder more and more. Every time he switches it to his other shoulder, Seungsik asks if he should take over, and every time Seungwoo answers him no, determined to take at least this burden off him for as long as he can manage.

It’s late in the afternoon when Seungsik finally breaks the silence, shaking Seungwoo from his thoughts. “We’re nearing the border. We should set up camp here until it’s dark; sneaking in shouldn’t be a problem then.”

“What about patrols?” Seungwoo asks, on edge at the thought of encountering enemies. 

“There won’t be any, don’t worry.” Seungsik turns towards him. “It’s rare for anyone to cross the wasteland because it’s so hard. And it’s hardly worth any of the intel you might gather in the camps close to the border, so they won’t expect us to try. It’s the same reason we don’t patrol the border on this side at night.”

Seungwoo nods, unable to find his voice, so he sets down the bag for Seungsik to sort their supplies while he goes back to gathering branches for a fire.

“No fire this time.” Seungsik stops him before he can take more than a step away from their camp. “We’re close enough for them to spot the smoke in the light of day, that would only be safe at night.”

“Right,” Seungwoo manages, swallowing against a second wave of panic. _We’re close enough._

He sits down in the sand, and Seungsik tosses him one of the last cans of soup they still had with them.

It all feels so real, suddenly, and he desperately fights off the urge to turn back and run. He came all this way. He can’t leave Seungsik to it now. There’s also no way he’d survive out there on his own. He keeps his hands clamped around the unopened can and his feet planted firmly on the ground, trying to steel himself for what’s coming.

“Hey,” Seungsik says, and Seungwoo jolts when a hand finds his knee. Seungsik is frowning at him, concern etched into his expression. “It’s going to be fine. You just have to trust me.” 

Seungwoo swallows and forces himself to nod. “Okay.”

Seungsik squeezes his knee softly, and it grounds him a bit. “Eat something. It will help you calm down,” Seungsik says before going back to his own can, which is already half empty.

Seungwoo nods again. It takes a few deep breaths for his hands to stop shaking, and he fumbles a bit when he tries to open the can. Eating is one of the last things he feels like doing, with his stomach tied in a knot, but he knows he will need the energy, so he tries to take a few sips.

Seungsik was right, it does help him calm down, and pretty soon he’s emptied the can. He still feels a bit shaky, but it feels nice to have a full stomach, and he allows himself to believe Seungsik; it will be fine. All they have to do is sneak in and out, nobody will even know they were there.

“We should try and get some sleep. The more we can rest before it’s dark, the better.” Seungsik shakes him from his thoughts and gets up to get them set up.

“How long do you think we can sleep?” Seungwoo wonders, the sun already closing in on the horizon. He’s not sure he’ll be able to sleep at all, feeling so nervous.

“Don’t worry. We won’t leave right at nightfall.” Seungsik chuckles, laying out the sleeping bag. “We need plenty of rest, since we can’t set up camp once we’re past the borders. Once we get what we need, we’ll find a safe place to wait until it’s dark again, but we can’t risk taking out the sleeping bag in case we have to get out fast.”

“We could still take turns to rest a bit, though,” Seungwoo offers, happy to plan something that isn’t quite as nerve-wracking as sneaking into enemy territory.

“If we find a suitable spot, yes.” Seungsik agrees, already taking off his boots and gear.

Seungwoo gets up to join him. It’s easy now, to slip into the sleeping bag together, and for Seungwoo to wrap his arm around Seungsik. It almost feels normal.

Seungwoo didn’t think he would fall asleep at all, but the walking has still exhausted him, and with Seungsik’s warmth pressed up against him, he drifts off almost instantly, the nerves and tension seeping out of his body.

They awake to the soft beeping of Seungsik’s watch. It’s completely dark out, with only a bit of light from the stars, the moon hidden by clouds. Seungwoo nearly groans and turns around, ready to beg for just five more minutes, but then he realizes where they are and what they’re about to do, and suddenly he’s wide awake. The nerves from a few hours ago surface again, and he forces himself to stay put for a little bit longer, just to calm down a little.

Seungsik is already sorting through their supplies by the time he gets up. He tosses a few ration bars in his direction to replace the ones he’s eaten during the day. Seungwoo gets to work, rolling up the sleeping bag.

“Did you manage to get some rest?” Seungsik asks, fitting everything back into the bag before slinging it over his shoulder.

Seungwoo nods, not entirely trusting his voice, and Seungsik frowns at him.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” He asks, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Do I still have a choice?” Seungwoo attempts to joke, but it comes out shakily and hoarse.

“You can stay here. I can leave you enough supplies to last until I get back.” Seungsik offers. Seungwoo half expected him to start mocking him, but his voice is kind, not judging.

Seungwoo shakes his head. “No, I’m coming.” He might be scared, but he’s still as determined to see this through as he was at the start. “Thank you, though.” He adds hesitantly. It was nice to be given the option, it makes him feel a bit more secure, somehow.

Seungsik nods and smiles, patting his shoulder before letting go. “Let's go then.”

“After you,” Seungwoo whispers, and they start walking into the night.

Seungsik’s prediction was correct, and they pass the border without running into any patrols. Seungwoo can’t tell if the scenery changes, the darkness swallowing everything around them, but at least there are no lights to indicate enemy troops or settlements.

Seungsik told him there shouldn’t be any for at least a few hours, unless something had changed in the last five months. The other Seungwoo had disappeared when he finally found a camp, and that’s exactly where they’re headed now.

“We’re getting close,” Seungsik finally says, a few hours later. “When we’re there, you need to listen to everything I say. No questions.”

Seungwoo swallows and trains his eyes on the invisible horizon ahead of them, trying to spot any signs of life. “Okay.”

“I mean everything, Seungwoo.” Seungsik stops, and Seungwoo nearly walks into him. “When I say turn left, you turn left. When I say run, you run. If I tell you to get the hell out of there, you get out, no matter what. Understood?”

Seungwoo knows what he means, and he shakes his head. “I’m not leaving you behind.” He doesn’t even want to think about what it would do to him to lose Seungsik… _again._

“I won’t ask you to.” Seungsik whispers, and Seungwoo’s eyes widen. He tries to catch Seungsik’s expression, but it’s too dark to see. “If we do get caught, we might have to split up, but I- I won’t ask you to leave me behind. I know you can’t.”

Seungwoo nods, his throat dry. Seungsik understands. “Okay.” He manages.

Seungsik turns around and starts walking again, and Seungwoo follows silently.

It’s not long before tiny lights appear on the horizon. The camp looks small, but Seungwoo knows that’s just the distance speaking. It’s not one of the largest camps, but according to the intel they have, it’s still rather big, which is why they wanted to investigate it to begin with.

“One last stop,” Seungsik announces a bit later. “Make sure you’ve eaten and drunk enough. This will be the last chance until we get out.”

Seungwoo stops and sits down with him. He feels as though he’s no longer in his own body, unwrapping a ration bar without much thought. He munches on it, staring ahead at the bright dots that have grown bigger over the past hour.  
  


They don’t say much, the silence laced with unspoken tension. Seungsik seems calm, but his leg bounces, betraying his nerves, and he too stares ahead at the camp. They’re so close, Seungwoo can almost feel it. The very air seems thicker, and the lights almost feel like beacons, calling out for them.

“Let’s go.” Seungsik stands up and brushes himself off, and Seungwoo follows.

His legs move on their own as they carry him forward, after Seungsik’s silhouette that blocks some of the lights. They get bigger and bigger, and slowly they spread further apart until there are big gaps between them.

They move towards one of the gaps, and Seungwoo can make out the fence surrounding the camp. They’re lucky it’s so dark; there’s nothing to hide behind while they move closer. It seems like there are no guards close by either, though voices can be heard from the gates a little bit to their left.

The lights are coming from lamps mounted to the buildings behind the fence. They barely illuminate the space around them, and Seungwoo has a hard time seeing what’s in front of them. Seungsik kneels down, putting the bag down as well, and Seungwoo scans their surroundings. Every part of him stands on edge, and he whips his head around at the slightest rustling.

Seungsik gets out a tool from their bag and gets to work on the fence, carefully cutting it open. It gives way easily, and Seungsik holds it open so Seungwoo can climb through. He steels himself, taking a deep breath before climbing through. There’s truly no going back now, but strangely enough, he finds he no longer wants to go back.

It’s odd, the feeling that washes over him, as if he’s right where he’s supposed to be. That doesn’t make any sense, though; he hasn’t felt more out of place in his entire life.

He holds the fence open for Seungsik, who hands the bag to him before climbing through as well. They’re in. It seems like they’re in a tiny field, and Seungwoo swears it seems like he’s standing on grass, which seems impossible given the stretch of sand they just walked through.

He doesn’t have much time to contemplate, as Seungsik pulls him down towards the ground. They squat, and Seungsik fiddles around in the bag again, pulling out a strange looking device. It looks like a weird, thick phone, with strange buttons and an antenna sticking out from the top.

Seungsik turns it on, and numbers appear on the screen. Seungwoo can’t make any sense of them, but Seungsik seems to, his fingers moving quickly across the buttons, twisting some and pressing others. Every time he does something, the numbers and symbols change, but it stays just as baffling to Seungwoo.

“What is that?” He finally asks, unable to keep his curiosity at bay.

Seungsik doesn’t stop fiddling as he answers. “It’s something I borrowed from Seungyoun. It’s similar to what you saw at the colosseum, but smaller.”

“Ah, so if we find readings similar to the other sites-” Seungwoo trails off and Seungsik nods, still not bothering to look up.

“Exactly.” He gets up, gesturing for Seungwoo to take the bag. “Lets go.”

He walks off, and Seungwoo does as he’s told, hoisting the bag up over his shoulder. He stays low as he follows Seungsik around the field, looking for any signs of danger. He knows he’s out of his depth; he’s never snuck around like this before, but he tries his best to not get in the way while staying as quiet as he possibly can.

Suddenly Seungsik gasps, and Seungwoo nearly physically jumps, spinning around to find the reason. He can’t see anything, the buildings around them blocking out what little light the lanterns give off.

“What, what is it?” He whispers, closing in on Seungsik.

“The readings, they go up here. It must be in this direction!” Relief and excitement is evident in Seungsik’s voice, and he moves before Seungwoo can fully register what he’s saying.

Are they actually finding something? He follows after Seungsik, who slowly moves the device around in front of him as he goes forward. He still scans for danger, but Seungwoo can’t help but worry they might run into someone like this.

It seems like the place isn’t heavily guarded, though. They only spot one guard, near what seems like the main building, towering out above the rest. He’s easy to sneak past, and soon enough, they find themselves almost on the other side of the camp.

“It’s going down again.” Seungsik mumbles, holding the reader above his head.

Seungwoo tries to make out the numbers, but they change constantly, and Seungsik isn't keen on standing still too much. He moves again, to the right, and Seungwoo has no choice but to follow.

They move along the shadows, past building after building, and Seungwoo can’t help but wonder what all of them are for. They all seem identical, apart from the taller main building. Are they for storage? Or factories? It’s hard to tell, especially in the dark.

It didn’t seem like anyone in the resistance knew either when he had asked Seungsik. That’s what the captain had set out to find out, a simple, in-and-out mission to gather some intel. It seems almost impossible to think that he was killed here, with how little people there are around.

He wonders if he _really_ disappeared in the same way he had - was transported off to a world he also doesn’t recognize. He wonders if anyone there found him, if anyone knows him. If maybe he even met the Seungsik of that world.

“This way,” Seungsik turns again, and Seungwoo snaps back to reality, looking around again. He shakes himself, cursing under his breath for getting distracted.

“Are the readings good?” He whispers, trying to get a grip on what’s happening.

“It’s higher than usual, though not much. It seems we’re closing in on it, though.” Seungsik answers, barely able to contain his enthusiasm. It’s not like at the colosseum, where he was still suppressing his hope, not allowing himself to really feel it. Something is off about it, though. “It’s been so long, it’s only normal for it to be on the low side. This thing doesn’t pick it up as accurately as Seungyoun’s equipment, either.”

Then Seungwoo realizes what it is he’s hearing. It’s not enthusiasm, not really, it’s closer to desperation. Desperation to find something, _anything_. The readings aren’t as high as he expected them to be.

“Are you sure?” Seungwoo asks, trying to keep his voice calm and collected.

“Yeah, of course, look.” Seungsik holds the device out towards him and points at one of the numbers. “That’s ten percent higher than it should be, around here. I just know we're closing in on the spot where he disappeared. It has to be somewhere around here.”

He moves on again before Seungwoo can protest, and Seungwoo follows, worried. What if they came for nothing? But if Seungsik says the readings are higher than usual, then there must be something here, right? His head spins as he tries to make sense of anything, and he rubs his temples.

All he can do for now is trust Seungsik, so that’s what he’ll do. No matter where it leads them. They’re winding through the camp, Seungsik changing direction so often Seungwoo loses track of where they even are. He hopes they can still find their way back to the gap in the fence. Seungsik barely pays any attention to whether or not he’s following, completely absorbed in finding the hotspot of the readings.

The black sky has slowly transitioned to a dark blue, and Seungwoo realizes the sun is nearly rising; they have to get out. And soon.

“Sik, we need to leave.” He whispers, fear running through him. They won’t stand a chance at getting out unseen once the day breaks, no matter the low amount of guards.

“We’re closing in. I can’t leave now,” Seungsik replies, stubbornly moving forward, closing in on a set of buildings that seem a lot bigger than the others.

Several cars and trucks block some of the view, and Seungwoo can’t even tell what the buildings are for. He has no choice but to follow as Seungsik finds his way between the cars, refusing to listen to reason. He seems to be reading something on the device, turning towards the left building.

“It’s all leading here to this building,” Seungsik murmurs, furrowing his eyebrows. “Follow me.”

They don’t go for the entrance. Instead, Seungsik leads him around to the back, carefully prying open a window. Seungwoo looks around nervously, listening for any sign of people approaching, but they’re still completely alone. Somehow that’s almost more unnerving than sneaking past the guards.

Seungsik hands him the bag and hoists himself up through the window, into the dark space beyond, again ignoring Seungwoo’s protests that they have to leave. Seungwoo reluctantly gives in and hands him the bag, looking around once more, before he climbs after him through the window.

Seungsik has already gone ahead of him, the device in his hand the only thing giving Seungwoo any indication of where he is. It’s far darker in the building than outside, with no light from the moon or lamps to illuminate the space in front of him. He sighs, steeling himself before he steps into the blackness, carefully feeling around so he doesn’t walk into anything.

It’s easier said than done. The space seems to be packed with closets and shelves, full of items he can’t distinguish. He manages to catch up with Seungsik, though, who walks even slower as he tries to find where the ever-higher readings lead him. His eyes slowly adjust to the dark, and he can make out Seungsik’s features, staring at the numbers on the little screen.

Seungwoo is about to ask if he’s finding anything, when he feels something hit his stomach, stopping him in his tracks. At the same time, Seungsik curses under his breath, but the loud wailing of an alarm immediately swallows the sound.

It rips through any resolve that Seungwoo was managing to have, jumping out of his skin. Red flashing lights illuminate their surroundings, and he snaps his head to look at Seungsik, and their wide, panicked eyes meet for a single second. 

They’re dead.

Seungsik jumps to action, shoving Seungwoo towards the back window that they came in. “Run!”

“What about the-“ Seungwoo reaches to grab their bag himself but doesn’t even get a chance to finish his sentence, Seungsik grabbing his arm and yanking him along. 

“We have to leave it!” He pulls him away, looking frantically around at the blaring lights above them. “Go. Just go!”

Seungsik practically shoves him through the window and jumps after him, landing just about next to his head. He pulls him up without another word, wildly looking around for an escape. Seungwoo stumbles after him, half running and half being dragged, and they get away from the building, into the road.

They maneuver through the cars and past the truck as quickly and quietly as possible, but then right as they’re coming up on the buildings on the other side, they see a couple of guards coming their way. Seungsik pulls him back, but it’s already too late. The guards spot them and instantly raise their weapons in their direction.

Seungwoo feels his blood run cold as he’s met with a gun pointed at him for the second time in his entire life, all in a mere week. He feels a harsh tug on his arm right as the guards start yelling.

Seungsik drags him along, running past the truck and the cars, but it seems hopeless. He can hear more guards shouting from all different directions as they sprint along the buildings, and Seungsik tugs him down random alleys, changing course so often Seungwoo feels dizzy, disoriented, _terrified._

It honestly feels like they’re running in circles, like prey hunted by a pack of wolves who have them surrounded all sides, who are just playing with their food. He feels sick, coming back up on seemingly the same street full of cars, and he just knows it. They’re trapped. Then yelling turns into words, and soon enough he can make out complete sentences.

“They’re with the Resistance! They must be,” One of them shouts as Seungsik pulls Seungwoo behind one of the vehicles, where they come to a stop, catching their breaths.

“Oh? Resistance, again? It’s been a while since we caught one of you in a place where you shouldn’t be.” He hears another voice, closer. “Kind of thought you’d learned your lesson.”

“Do we have to kill you like we did like the last guy we caught snooping around here?” The other laughs, but it’s said too loudly like they want them to hear. They’re taunting them. They know exactly where they are, he just knows it. 

“Fuck, they’re getting closer,” Seungwoo curses, dread filling up inside him. “What do we do now?” He keeps his back pressed against the jeep, his eyes on the path next to them.

Seungsik is quiet, seemingly thinking things over. Seungwoo fervently hopes he can come up with some sort of plan. He doesn’t think he expected them to get caught, but surely he had thought of the possibility?

When Seungsik continues not to answer, he turns around, mouth open to plead for directions. No sound comes out, though, as he meets Seungsik’s eyes. He’s staring directly at him, unseeing, his expression lost and hard to decipher.

“Seungsik!” Seungwoo grabs his shoulders, trying to shake him out of it, but it’s pointless. Seungsik seems frozen in place. “Seungsik, _please_ , what do we do?” Seungwoo is getting desperate now. He has absolutely _no_ combat experience - his only thought is they need to get out of here and _fast._

Then, Seungsik blinks, his eyes focusing on Seungwoo. “They-” it comes out as a whisper, and Seungwoo leans closer to catch what he’s saying. “They killed him.”

His eyes seem to gloss over, and he starts to shake, but he doesn’t move, and for a moment, Seungwoo is thoroughly confused.

“Who?” He asks, but then realization sinks in. _Kill you like the last guy._ To their knowledge, the last person to have been here had been Seungwoo.

“No,” he whispers. “No, Sik, I’m sure they were just saying that. Remember what we found? Remember the readings?” His voice turns desperate as he hears the men call out to them again. They’re getting closer, and he can’t tell how many there are. _Not good._

All Seungsik manages is a small shake of his head. He seems shocked to his core - all hope drained from his body. All of his will to fight is gone. Seungwoo doesn’t know how to get it back, and he doesn’t have time to try. He can see shadows move on the other side of the car, and he knows they’re done for if he doesn’t do anything.

“Sik! Please!” He hisses, grabbing Seungsik’s arm. “We have to move.”

He pulls him, harsh, and Seungsik has no choice but to follow, his feet automatically moving. Seungwoo runs, as fast as he can, with Seungsik on his heels. Behind him, several voices shout, but he doesn’t hear the words over the loud snap of a gun firing.

He dives to the right, between two buildings, and then to the left, desperate to get them as far away as possible. The men shout again, but the voices are further away, and eventually, he stops, behind one of the smaller buildings on the edge of the camp.

He shoves Seungsik against the wall, keeping him there with one arm while he looks around wildly, trying to find a way out. The fence is just as high here as before, and there are no visible holes to get through. They somehow have to make it back to their entry point or through one of the actual gates. He has no idea how they’re supposed to do that.

In the distance, he can hear the shouting again; they’re probably splitting up to find them. Seungwoo turns back to Seungsik, eyeing his weapons - the handgun on his hip, the knife strapped to his leg. He wonders if he would be any good with them. He is in his video games, but that surely wouldn’t help him in an actual fight. But maybe he can distract them enough…

He shakes his head. There’s no way he can operate a gun _and_ drag a lifeless Seungsik behind him. Seungsik is his only hope. He steels himself, remembering how Seungsik had responded to him being direct before, and everything in his body cringes away from the idea he’s about to put to the test, but he doesn’t see another way out. He takes a deep breath, putting everything he has into their last shot.

“Kang Seungsik, _focus_!” He hisses, putting as much of an edge on his voice as he can, hoping it’s not loud enough for the enemy to hear. “Snap out of it!”

He hates it. Hates how Seungsik’s head snaps up, how his eyes focus, finding Seungwoo’s. It all feels so wrong because Seungwoo doesn’t yell - not even in fights. It all feels wrong. But it works. Seungsik seems to have steadied his breathing, hands tightening in Seungwoo’s uniform. 

“You’re going to get us out of here,” Seungwoo says, _ordering_ him, and Seungsik nods once, his eyes still holding that empty hopelessness but also a new determination. A determination to get them out of there.

“Okay,” Seungsik whispers, blinking that lost and shaken look from his eyes. He shakes his head, moving to look carefully around the corner, seeing their options. 

“Stay close to me,” Seungsik says over his shoulder, keeping close to the wall as he sneaks through the alley to the next.

Seungwoo does as told, breathing a small sigh of relief. They’re not out yet, and he’s still very worried Seungsik might falter again, but at least he’s moving now. They still have a chance.

They continue for a while, Seungsik sometimes abruptly pulling him into a different alley, having spotted someone, or heard something. Seungwoo watches with bated breath every time Seungsik peeks around a corner.

One time, he motions for Seungwoo to stop and wait as he moves forward, disappearing from view. Seungwoo hears grunting, a soft thud, followed by a much louder one, and something dropping to the floor. When he peeks around the corner, he sees it’s some _one_ , not something, sprawled out of the floor, Seungsik over him, stripping his weapons from the body, tucking several things into his pockets. He’s as impressed as he is terrified with how effortless Seungsik made that look.

“Is- is he?” Seungwoo stutters, realizing for the first time how possible it is that Seungsik has killed people before.

“He’s unconscious,” Seungsik says, holding out the gun he’s taken from the enemy soldier. “Take this.” 

Seungwoo does, but he’s unable to push away how uncomfortable it feels. He’s never even held a gun before, and it feels strange and foreign in his hands. Seungsik moves on, and Seungwoo jumps to follow.

“Can you drive?” Seungsik asks when they come upon one of the last buildings, close to where they were before.

“I can,” Seungwoo answers, bewildered, “why?”

Seungsik motions ahead of them to a large shed on the other side of the clearing. In it, several more jeeps stand, spaced out. He swallows. Does he have to drive one of _those?_

“The ones inside won’t have keys, but the one to the right of the building is still on. I saw it when we were running. Do you know what I’m talking about?” 

Seungwoo’s mind races, but he nods. 

“Get behind the driver's seat and wait for me,” Seungsik says, eyes frantically scanning around, barely looking at him for confirmation. “Use the gun if you run into anyone. I’ll find you.”

“W-where are you going?” The last thing Seungwoo wants is to be left alone, and just the thought makes his stomach turn into bricks.

“Creating a distraction.” Seungsik pulls something small from his pocket, what he took previously from the enemy soldier. Seungwoo’s eyes widen. Is that a _grenade?_

“Go!” he orders, rushing forward opposite of the direction he’s pushed Seungwoo towards. 

Seungwoo doesn’t have time to register, blanking only for a moment before he’s _sprinting_. His feet seem to move of their own free will, or maybe it’s his desperation to get into the vehicle that drives him forward. That’s a way out.

He runs. Faster than he ever has in his life. Not looking back when he hears screams, flinching at the deafening explosion that follows. He just runs harder, yanking the door to the jeep open, finding himself in the driver's seat, with the seatbelt on, before he’s aware of jumping in.

His heart hammers in his chest as he scans around for Seungsik. There’s smoke and sand everywhere, the explosion creating a miniature sandstorm. He waits, his breathing rapid as fear clutches at him.

What had caused the explosion? Did Seungsik die? He was holding something earlier- a grenade? His mind races, trying to make sense of what the hell just happened, but then the door of the passenger seat is pulled open roughly, and Seungsik gets in next to him.

“Go!” he commands, but Seungwoo malfunctions, relief flooding through him even when Seungsik looks like he just ran a marathon and _then_ fell down some stairs.

“You made it,” he breathes, unaware of the sand settling around them.

“Fucking DRIVE!” Seungsik yells, turning to him with a frantic look.

“Where?” Seungwoo stammers, his hands already fumbling with the gears.

“OUT OF HERE!” Seungsik screams, flinching at the sudden array of bullets shooting right at them. 

_Also_ screaming, Seungwoo ducks his head, slamming his foot down on the gas pedal and lurching them forward, sand and dirt flying up around them. It somehow finds plenty of grip in the sand, and they fly forward, Seungsik slamming into the side of the car, flung from Seungwoo’s horrible handling. Damn, he should’ve checked if he was wearing a seatbelt...

“Sorry!” Seungwoo yells, swerving to correct their course away from the people shooting at them. 

“Just _try_ not to kill us before they do!” Seungsik screams back, pushing himself right. He whips out his gun, turning in his seat to look behind them. 

Seungwoo manages to swerve in time to avoid colliding with any buildings, and he steers them toward the gates, silently wishing the car to be strong enough to break through.

Seungsik leans out the window, and Seungwoo nearly panics, reaching over to pull him back in because _is he insane?_ But then gunfire sounds, so close it nearly startles him to jerk them off the road before he realizes that it’s Sik shooting.

“Try to keep us straight, I think I can shoot their tires!” Seungsik yells, not bothering to pull his head back in. “That’ll buy us enough time!”

Seungwoo grips the steering wheel in both hands, desperately willing them to stop shaking. His heart pounds so hard in his chest he thinks he’s going to throw up, but he keeps them relatively in one line, closing in on the exit rapidly.

He looks in the rearview just in time to the tire of the closest pursuing vehicle blow out, careening to the side slamming into the car behind it. 

“Sik, get back!” he screams, pulling on his uniform because he's about to crash through this gate at full speed. “ _Now!_ ” and Seungsik pulls back into the car just in time. 

“Hold on!” Seungwoo yells, bracing himself, and they crash into the bars at full speed.

They both curse loudly, but the bars give way, and they barely lose any speed as they break free into the wide-open wastelands.

“What the actual fuck.” Seungwoo manages. He’s shaking to the very core, but he’s not sure if that’s from the adrenaline or the jeep bouncing as it finds its way.

Seungsik leans out the window again, looking back at the wreckage they left behind. “There’s still one left! Keep us straight!” He yells, and Seungwoo hears gunshots again.

He curses when he sees the car loom up in his mirrors and throws the car into a higher gear, desperate to keep the distance between them. He’s thankful for the first rays of sun that have managed to reach over the horizon, making it a little easier to spot the giant rocks he’s trying to avoid.

All the gunshots sound so close now it’s impossible to tell who’s firing. Bullets fly into the car and past it, and at one point, the mirror on Seungwoo’s side flies off, and he feels the insane urge to laugh because that’s what this is - absolutely _insane_.

He hears Seungsik curse loudly next to him as he pulls back in, hands flying to reload his weapon, moving urgently but still with practiced ease. Before Seungwoo can blink, he’s back out the window, aiming for the jeep that’s ominously gaining on them. The gunshots are loud, making Seungwoo’s ears ring. His foot cramps from the force with which he holds the gas pedal down, and the jeep’s engine groans as it pushes its limits.

Then, suddenly, the gunfire stops. He looks up at the rearview mirror and sees the vehicle behind them spiral wildly, until it finally halts. Seungsik pulls back into the car, wiping his face with his sleeve as he catches his breath, sagging into his seat.

Seungwoo lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, finally allowing everything to really sink in. _They got out._ He feels like cheering and crying at the same time. And throwing up. He takes a few shuddering breaths, his hands still shakily holding the steering wheel.

He opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out, his voice dying out in his dry throat. He nearly _died_ , and it’s only now truly sinking in. _They_ nearly died.

He has no idea what he’s supposed to think, do, or say, so he keeps his mouth shut, focusing instead on keeping the car from slamming into too many rocks. It’s easier said than done, and several times they get jostled around. Seungsik still hasn’t put his seatbelt on, even though there’s no reason for him to hang from the car like a maniac anymore. He bounces around like a ragdoll with each dip that they hit in the sand.

He’s quiet, too quiet. Seungwoo looks over to find him facing away from him, staring out the window. Seungwoo remembers how Seungsik had frozen earlier, the lost look in his eyes. It really dawns on him now; everything Seungsik had clung to - everything he was _fighting_ for - had been ripped away with one simple sentence.

But it couldn’t be that simple, right? They found readings, and those guys were far too generic with the way they spoke. But then they had only mentioned one guy, which means they knew the previous person to come through did so alone. Seungwoo sighs, his head pounding from both the thinking and the exhaustion that’s setting in now the adrenaline is finally wearing off.

Seungwoo reaches over, carefully, but without hesitation, and grabs the seatbelt, pulling it across Seungsik’s chest in one swift motion. Seungsik doesn’t even stir, doesn’t protest, and it chills Seungwoo to the bone. But at least he’s more secure now, and he doesn’t get thrown around every time Seungwoo fails to avoid rough terrain.

The silence lasts as they drive around for quite a while longer, and Seungwoo is getting antsy again. Shouldn’t they stop? Which direction are they even moving in? He doubts it’s the right one. He tries to keep a straight line, but with nothing to base that off but the tire tracks he leaves behind, they could be driving in a circle.

Right when he opens his mouth to ask, Seungsik finally speaks up. “Stop here.”

It’s not much, but Seungwoo obeys and rolls to a stop. Seungsik holds out his hands. “Give me your compass and map.”

Seungwoo scrambles to get them out of his pockets and hands them to Sik, feeling uneasy at how short he’s being. He tries to shake it off as Seungsik busies himself with the map, because at least he’s moving, he’s taking charge. That’s good, right?

“We drove west for a while, so if we head north now, we should be able to cut through the remains of the old forest and get pretty close to the base.” He points at a green spot on the map and traces it up to their destination.

“How do you know? I mean, I can’t have driven in a straight line.” Seungwoo frowns, unsure.

“You did. I could tell from the position of the sun.” Seungsik shrugs and bundles up the map, handing it back to Seungwoo.

“Oh.” It’s all Seungwoo manages in reply, stuffing the map back into his pocket. He feels a bit dumb for not thinking about following the sun himself.

“That way,” Seungsik points, and Seungwoo starts the car, carefully turning them in the right direction.

They drive on for a while, neither of them speaking. Seungwoo feels the physical exhaustion in every part of his body, but it’s nothing compared to his mind. His brain is foggy and sluggish, and he has to try his hardest to keep his focus on the way ahead of them. Now that the imminent threat is gone, the lack of sleep and the anxiety from the day catch up on him. More than once, he’s shaken out of a stupor by the car jostling him around as he fails to avoid a rock.

All throughout this, Seungsik remains eerily quiet, staring out of the side window. Seungwoo doesn’t have the energy to do more than worry for him, unable to find the words to express his concern. He keeps quiet, trying to make sense of what just happened. The more he thinks about it, the less it makes sense, the events jumbling together into confusing flashes of memory that make his head sting.

Eventually, he gives up, letting his mind rest while his thoughts turn to easier to understand things, such as keeping the jeep going straight and out of the way of any rough terrain. For a while, that’s all he thinks about, and it goes quite well until the car makes a soft pinging noise, and Seungwoo looks over at the dashboard to see they’re almost out of gas.

“Just keep driving until we’re all out,” Seungsik says, before Seungwoo has time to turn to look at him.

It doesn’t take long, at least to Seungwoo, who would’ve given anything to let his legs rest a little longer, before the jeep gives out and stops. Seungsik immediately unclips his seatbelt and hops out, and Seungwoo follows suit, his movements slow and clumsy from having clamped the steering wheel for so long.

The brief few hours in the car were blessed, but he knows there’s no option. They have to keep walking. It’s honestly strange not having to worry about shouldering the heavy bag of supplies, but Seungwoo knows that it presents a whole new problem in itself. That being that all they have left to survive on are whatever food they still have in their pockets and the water canteens clipping to their belts. 

Seungsik leads the way, immediately setting a strong pace. Seungwoo keeps eyeing him worriedly, looking for signs of exhaustion. They’ve been going nearly nonstop for nearly a full day, and the adrenaline rush is long gone by now. Seungwoo just so desperately wants to lay down and close his eyes, ready to sleep for days.

Seungsik stays silent, eyes locked dead ahead as he walks on, seemingly tireless, almost like a machine. Seungwoo feels like his eyelids are lead, and his legs won’t work quite right, but the walking clears his mind, and he becomes more alert. He keeps a close eye on Seungsik, as well as their surroundings, trying to spot any sign of potential food or water, painfully aware of the few ration bars and the half-empty canteen of water he carries on himself.

The sun has only just reached its peak in the sky. Seungwoo pushes on knowing that the day still looms long and heavy in front of him. Keep going, he tells himself. Just keep going. 

~

_The forest,_ Seungwoo sighs in relief. _Finally._

It had been nothing around them for miles, and for a while the landscape seemed unchanging, but now the tips of some trees loom up on the horizon. The closer they get, the more trees he spots, but they’re far apart, nothing like what he’d expect from a forest. A lot of it is dead, and he feels his hopes for food and shelter depleting.

Still, it’s better than nothing, and they continue on. Seungwoo eventually caves and takes a few tentative sips of his water, as well as a few bites of one of his bars. The sun is now well past its highest point, dipping lower in the sky, but they still reach the edge of the old forest before it’s close to setting.

Through the sparse scattering of trees, Seungwoo sees a series of small abandoned buildings. He perks up, realizing that this could be a good place to stop for the night. The afternoon sun beats down heavily on them, and Seungsik’s steps ahead of him have grown ever unsteadier as they’ve continued walking.

Seungwoo picks up his pace, so he's walking directly on Seungsik’s right. “There could be a good place to camp for the night,” he says, gesturing to the buildings.

Seungsik gives no indication that he hears a word he said, continuing forward without so much of a glance to where Seungwoo is pointing. 

“Sik,” Seungwoo says, stopping him. “We have to stop. We can’t keep moving like this.”

Seungsik shakes his head, despite looking like he’s about to pass out at any moment. He looks absolutely run-ragged, and Seungwoo can’t imagine that he looks much better himself. 

“We- we still have daylight,” Seungsik argues and looks almost scared of stopping. “We shouldn’t-”

“You’re shaking,” Seungwoo says, grabbing his hand. “We need to stop. We need rest.”

Seungsik looks over at the abandoned buildings, swallowing in hesitation. Seungwoo tugs on his hand, stepping in that direction. 

“Come on,” he says, walking away in that direction. 

Seungsik sighs, miraculously not having any more fight left in him. He lets Seungwoo lead them up to the buildings, following meekly behind him. There are two structures clustered near each other, one small like a shed and the other larger.

“Wait. Let me clear the area,” Seungsik says, reaching out and putting a hand on Seungwoo’s arm. “Stay here.” 

Seungsik pushes in front of him, taking his gun from his holster and carefully approaching the first structure. Now that they’ve gotten closer, it looks almost like a visitor center of some sort, or possibly a hunting cabin. 

Seungwoo ducks into the trees more, watching Seungsik peek into the dirty window, testing the door, pushing it open as much as he needs before slipping inside.

Seungwoo waits, straining his ears for any signal for help, watching vigilantly at the dark windows for any signs. 

After another moment, Seungsik peeks his head out the door, spotting him immediately. He nods, gesturing for him to follow, so Seungwoo assumes that they’re all in the clear. He’s not that surprised, considering the building’s run-down state, but Seungsik knows better than he does. 

“All clear?” he asks, slipping inside, immediately hit with a musky smell of the cabin, the air inside rather stuffy and hot. 

“It’s empty.” Seungsik nods, looking around at the interior. “I need to check the other one, but you can stay here while I do.” He doesn’t even give Seungwoo a chance to say anything before leaving out the same door, gun still in hand. 

Seungwoo sighs, looking around again, mind flickering back to the bag of supplies they were forced to abandon at the storage facility. Maybe he can find stuff to use here. 

He starts looking around, seeing that it’s set up more like a community center or storage building than a personal home. Random boxes are stacked against the walls, along with a series of file cabinets and a bookshelf. He opens the boxes, grimacing as he only finds more papers, books, photos. He sighs, looking up, deciding to explore the other rooms instead. 

He goes down the hallway, peeking his head into some of the rooms, perking up when he finds what looks like a small kitchen. 

“Seungwoo?” he hears Seungsik call, and he looks back.

“Over here,” he calls, looking down the hallway. Seungsik looks around the corner down the hall, spotting him. Seungwoo wants to wrap in a blanket and tuck him away; he looks so exhausted. “Go rest,” he says, gesturing with his head with a small encouraging smile. “Eat something. I’m just looking around.”

Seungsik slips away, not even bothering to nod. Seungwoo’s smile falls from his face as soon as he’s gone, swallowing down a punch of concern. Seungsik’s withdrawn behavior is chilling and it leaves him faltering over how to control the situation. 

He doesn’t have the slightest idea what he’s doing. All he knows is what he’s gleaned from Seungsik over the past few days. Shaking his head, he turns back to look through the kitchen cabinets, disheartened with every empty drawer. 

Is there really no food here? He curses under his breath as he continues through the whole space. He even tests the sink, and only a pathetic few drops come from the dirty faucet. 

Sighing and trying to swallow his disappointment against the dryness in his throat, he moves on, ready to move to the next room, but then he stops, looking down the hallway again, hearing nothing but silence. 

Suddenly worried, he walks back down the hallway into the open foyer. 

Seungsik sits, back to the wall, staring off into nothing, knees curled up to his chest. He’d look dead if it weren’t for how fists were clenched so tightly. 

“Hey,” Seungwoo kneels in front of him, grabbing his hands, chilled to see harsh indents from his fingernails bitten into his palms. Seungsik won’t meet his eyes, staring blankly over his shoulder instead. 

“Did you eat?” Seungwoo asks, watching for every twitch on Seungsik’s expressionless face. 

Seungsik closes his eyes briefly, sighing. He shakes his head once. 

“Then you need to,” Seungwoo says, grabbing a rations bar from his pocket and putting it in Seungsik’s hand. Seungsik stares at it, and Seungwoo can’t help but feel frustrated at Seungsik’s behavior. 

“Seungsik,” he warns with a tone, and Seungsik flinches, eyes flickering up at him. 

“Eat,” Seungwoo repeats, softer this time, pushing his hand up.

Seungsik’s lips press in a fine line, but he does as he says, hands unwrapping the bar with a tremor. He takes a small bite of his food, chewing mechanically. Seungwoo sighs, standing up and going to grab their water. 

“Here.” He guides the canteen to his hand, but Seungsik shakes his head, pushing it away.

“It’s yours. We need to save it,” he finally speaks, still not meeting his eyes. Seungwoo sighs, taking it back. 

“Drink some of yours, then,” he says. “We’ve been walking for hours. We’ll find more water.”

Seungsik looks away, and Seungwoo is left feeling cold, rejected. Sik doesn’t seem to appreciate the hovering, so he’ll give him some space right now.

“I’m going to keep looking around,” Seungwoo says, watching for any reaction. Seungsik doesn’t respond, continuing staring at the floor stubbornly. 

He stands, pushing up from the floor. It’s hard to stay here with Seungsik like this, and it couldn’t hurt to continue. He goes back down the hallway, past the empty kitchen into what looks like used to be an office. He starts opening the various desk draws, looking for anything that could be useful to them.

He gets his first lucky find when he comes across two water bottles and a box of matches in a desk. He thinks about their last few nights, realizing that they have no more joint sleeping bag either. Sleeping on the ground without any insulation makes him shiver at the thought, looking around for any ideas. 

His eyes land on the curtains that fall over the windows, and he reaches over, feeling them between his fingers. They’re thinner than the sleeping bag, but he thinks if he takes down all of the ones around, it could be a passable blanket.

Okay. He can work with it. He takes down the curtain rod, pulling them off. They’re long, not longer than he is, but it’s better than nothing. He finds the same curtains in the two neighboring rooms, along with a small stack of towels in a closet and a couple of small chair cushions. It’s not much, but maybe Seungsik will appreciate his efforts. 

Using the smallest room, he pushes the desk against the wall, clearing space in the corner for them to sleep. He carefully lays down the towels, layers them with two of the curtains, leaving the leftover curtains for blankets. It feels almost intimate, building this for them, but he doesn’t let himself linger on the thought, lastly positioning the random cushions as pillows. Next to him is the meager pile of supplies he found through his scavenging. 

A flashlight, a pocket knife, the two extra water bottles, matches, a few smaller towels, and most of a first aid kit. Not much, but better than nothing. 

By now, the colors of the sunset are visible out the sole window in the room, illuminating the pale walls with deep orange light. He hasn’t heard a peep from Seungsik down the hall this whole time. He hoped that he would come to see what he was doing by now. 

Sighing, Seungwoo leaves the room to find him, hesitantly walking down the dark hallway, looking around the corner to where he left him.

Seungsik hasn’t moved. The pit in Seungwoo’s stomach falls deeper. 

He approaches slowly, wracking his brain for the best way to deal with this. Seungsik doesn’t react to him coming closer, not even blinking when Seungwoo slides down the wall to sit next to him, leaning his head back against the surface. 

The only thing he can think of is just to stay quiet next to him. Let his presence be enough to let him know that he’s here if he wants to talk. To let out some of that heaviness. 

If it’s one thing that Seungwoo knows, it’s that Seungsik wasn’t one for opening up. He always pushed everything too far down until it got almost impossible to keep it inside. Until it would break him down from the inside out. Seungwoo also knows that asking him directly is just a recipe to have him shut himself even farther away.

So, he waits, leaving himself open for Seungsik. He waits, giving Seungsik a silent opportunity, one that doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Do you believe them?” Seungsik finally speaks. His voice is low, scratchy from disuse. “What they said?”

“I don’t know.” Seungwoo looks over. “Do you?”

Seungsik presses his lips together, looking down. He looks like he’s holding himself together with fraying ropes, walls threatening to crash at any moment. 

“For months, they’ve all told me that he was gone,” with every word, his voice becomes more strained than the last. “Maybe I’ve always known they were right.”

Seungwoo stares at him, the quietest despair filling up his chest. Seungsik barely meets his eyes before looking away again, but just from a moment of eye contact, Seungwoo can see how deep the pain has broken through Seungsik’s resolve. It’s become too much to push away. The loss is too great, it’s paralyzing.

“You had hope,” Seungwoo whispers. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Seungsik’s eyes flicker over to watch him. It’s almost unsettling, the way his dark eyes have settled, staying quiet, drowning in his own thoughts. 

There’s so much more there. So much that Seungsik isn’t telling him. But that’s okay. It all doesn’t have to come out tonight. Four nights ago, Seungsik wouldn’t have told him anything, so it’s progress. And it’s better than the withdrawn silence.

Seungwoo sighs. Maybe it’s better that they just sleep now. “Let’s go to bed,” Seungwoo says, holding out a hand. “We barely got any sleep last night. You need it.” 

Seungsik doesn’t move, and there’s a pause, staring at Seungwoo’s outstretched hand. 

“Seungsik.” Seungwoo doesn’t pull back, keeping it extended. “Come on.” 

Seungsik’s shoulders sag, but he takes his hand, accepting the help to stand. 

“I actually set us up a little spot with some stuff I found around,” Seungwoo says. “In this room, down here.”

He guides them down the hall, tugging Seungsik along, for some reason scared to let go of his hand. 

“Tada,” he half-heartedly jokes, pushing open the door, holding it for Sik. 

Seungsik moves inside, eyes falling on the pathetic excuse for a bed made from curtains and random chair cushions. Seungwoo waits for a teasing comment or even a small smile, but gets none. The smile falls from his own face.

“You found these,” Seungsik says more than asks, kneeling by the supplies, hand trailing over the objects. 

“Yeah,” Seungwoo nods. “I know it’s not much…”

“No, it’s good,” Seungsik murmurs, and Seungwoo feels relieved that he’s happy with it, and that he’s still talking. Seungsik quietly adds his own gear to the small pile, then moves to slip off his boots. Seungwoo jumps to follow suit. 

Seungsik crawls on the curtains, taking his place closest to the wall and curling up with his back to Seungwoo. For the first night, they have an opportunity to spread out a tiny bit more. Seungwoo hesitates while lying down next to him, unsure what Seungsik feels wants right now. 

Seungsik makes no indication to come closer, once again silent, facing the wall. Seungwoo decides to keep a small bit between them, lying on his back, with his head resting on one of the chair cushions. He pulls the extra curtains over their bodies. He can already feel the chill of night permeating through the walls. Seungsik pulls his closer but doesn’t whisper goodnight. Doesn’t say anything. 

“Try to sleep,” Seungwoo whispers, reaching out and squeezing his shoulder. He moves just the smallest bit closer so that his arm just brushes Seungsik’s back. Just to silently say that he’s here if he wants to be closer. If he wants to turn around. 

Seungsik stays tense by his side. His breathing doesn't steadily even out like it did the last few nights, but he stays turned away. Seungwoo exhales, letting his head fall back, and lets the day drain away - pushing down the terror he felt only hours ago, at last letting his mind shut off. 

Sleep actually finds Seungwoo easily enough, despite all the heaviness that the day left. He’s exhausted, there’s no other way to put it. And there’s a relief he gets from being under a roof instead of outside. It lets him drift off almost immediately, but then something stops him.

He distantly becomes more and more aware of the tiny trembles against his shoulder, and Seungwoo’s mind gets tugged back to consciousness once more. It’s finally enough for him to crack open his eyelids, blinking against the darkness. A small amount of moonlight is coming through the window, and he feels it again. Shaking.

Vision adjusting, he turns his head to see how Seungsik’s covered body shakes under the makeshift covers beside him. Seungwoo’s first half-awake thought is _fever_ , but he pushes it away with a shake of his head, waking up even more.

“Seungsik,” Seungwoo murmurs, voice low from just waking up. “You need to sleep.” 

Seungsik only seems to shake harder, suddenly tensing, back still turned stubbornly away. That’s when Seungwoo hears a tell-tale sniffle, stopping him short, finally understanding what’s happening, and there’s no way he can just lay back and ignore it.

“Sik,” Seungwoo pulls at his waist, urging him to turn around. He doesn’t need to hide. Not from him. 

Seungsik’s face is mostly in shadow, but his eyes glisten, wet with tears. He looks ashamed. Alone.

“Hey,” he soothes, reaching out and brushing the tears away with his hand. “It’s okay. It’s okay to feel like this.” 

Seungsik shakes his head, ducking to hide away, more tears falling frustratingly from his glistening eyes. 

Seungwoo hushes him, shaking his head in return. “You don’t have to hide it. Not from me,” he says, brushing his thumb against Seungsik’s cheek, familiar pain igniting in his chest. He’s seen this exact look before, felt this exact feeling before. The deep and utter darkness of loss.

“I’m sorry,” Seungsik whispers, voice thick from tears. 

“Why are you sorry?” Seungwoo frowns, shaking his head.

“Because nothing changed,” Seungsik chokes. “He’s been gone. _Still_ gone. Yet, I can’t-” he pauses, wiping at his eyes in frustration. “I can’t _stop_.”

“It’s not the same,” Seungwoo says, reassuring him, kneading his fingers into his shoulder. “If you feel different, then it’s not the same.” 

Seungsik only seems to break more at the reassurance, crying and hiding in his hands, curling into himself more.

“Hey, come here,” Seungwoo whispers, pulling him closer, and Seungsik falls into him with barely any resistance, head tucking under Seungwoo’s chin, quietly crying into the fabric of Seungwoo’s uniform, letting himself be held. So Seungwoo does just that - cradling him against his chest. He murmurs quiet assurances, running his fingers through his hair. It’s dirty from their long travel, no longer as smooth and soft as it falls through his fingers, and they both smell of an unpleasant combination of smoke, gun powder, and sweat, but Seungwoo doesn’t find it in him to care, only holding him closer.

“He’s gone,” Seungsik whispers, and the way he says it sounds so defeated, so aching, and lost. 

Seungwoo doesn’t say anything- _can’t_ say anything. It doesn't feel like his place. All it feels like is that he failed. They failed. And all he can do is deal with the aftermath.

“But you’re here…” Seungsik whispers, hands resting on Seungwoo’s chest. “How? How are you here?”

“I don’t know,” Seungwoo breathes, taking Seungsik’s hand, holding it tight. Seungsik grips back.

“What if that’s why?” Seungsik whispers, eyes wet with tears. “What if the universe brought us together because we weren’t meant to lose each other.”

Seungwoo doesn’t know what to say. He’s just as lost as Seungsik is, maybe more.

“I wish I could tell you why,” he says. “I wish I could tell you why _any_ of these things happen. But I can’t. Just like how I don’t know if those men were telling the truth.”

Seungsik sniffs, eyes clenching shut in despair, more tears falling from the corners of his eyes. Seungwoo’s hand finds the back of his head once more, pulling him close again, carding fingers through his hair, quietly shushing him.

“I just hate,” Sik manages through a tightening voice, buried in Seungwoo’s chest. “ _Hate_ not knowing.” 

“I know,” Seungwoo whispers, rocking them gently back and forth. 

They stay like that for several moments, Seungsik shaking against him, Seungwoo holding him because it’s the only thing that he knows he _can_ do.

“Seungwoo,” Seungsik chokes, tears still falling without the promise of an end. “He’s all I had.”

Seungwoo has to forcefully swallow, feeling his throat tightening, pulling at his chest painfully. “I wish I could tell you that it gets easier, and I know that it feels so hopeless right now,” he murmurs, “But you have more than that. You do.”

Seungsik sniffs against him. And Seungwoo knows it doesn’t feel that way. Not in the slightest. No matter how much he says it.

“You have me,” Seungwoo whispers, pulling him up from where he’s hiding in his chest, making Seungsik meet his eyes. “For now, we have each other.”

As pathetic as that offer might sound, it’s all he has. It’s the only thing he can think to say.

Seungsik’s grief-laden gaze pierces into him, and even in the dim light coming from the window, he sees the tiniest of teardrops glistening on his eyelashes, and Seungwoo realizes then how close they truly are. There are no walls between them, they’re stripped bare - purely seeing the other.

He’s _not_ expecting Seungsik to close the distance, lacing their lips together in a searing kiss, shooting shock straight down Seungwoo’s spine. 

It’s desperate, messy, salty from the tears that wet Seungsik’s face. Seungwoo gasps, flinching back, staring at Seungsik in shock. What is he _doing?_

“I’m sorry,” Seungsik whimpers, fingers gripping tight into Seungwoo’s uniform. “I’m sorry, but… please, Seungwoo.”

“Please, what?” Seungwoo’s lips tingle from Seungsik’s kiss, but he doesn’t know what to do. What’s okay, what’s crossing the line. 

“Please,” Seungsik falters, looking up at him with those tragic brown eyes, full of… something. Want, desperation, grief? “Hyung…” 

_Hyung._ Seungsik hasn’t called him that since the first night. It borders on the edge of being too familiar. Too painful.

“Touch me,” Seungsik finally whispers, begging. “Seungwoo, _please_ , I- I need it.” 

Seungwoo doesn’t know what to say, what to do. He feels frozen as Seungsik’s hands find his, as their legs brush together. 

“H-hyung?” Seungsik blinks, taking his silence as rejection, shame flickering across his face. He tries to back away, but Seungwoo stops him, reaching up, hand moving up the warm skin of Seungsik’s neck, up his jawline, scrambling to read Seungsik’s expression. 

Does he truly want this? Or is this just grief driving him to this edge, to impulsive decisions that he’s going to regret once dawn crests through the window. 

Seungsik waits, eyes trembling, breath hitching. What the hell does he _do?_

“Sik…” Seungwoo swallows. “You’re not thinking straight-”

“You don’t want me?” Seungsik whispers, tone trembling, and Seungwoo wants to die because _of course_ , he does. With every molecule of his being, with every beat of his heart, he wants him. 

“That’s not what I’m saying,” Seungwoo tries to be gentle, because this all seems so fragile, and Seungsik, despite all the strength and resilience he’s displayed, still looks so broken. Seungwoo is terrified of making it worse. 

“We both lost each other,” Seungsik says, echoing words that Seungwoo once said. “But for whatever reason, _somehow_ , we’ve been given this chance. To have whatever _this_ is. And we don’t even know how long this will last.” Seungsik shudders, another stray tear finding its way down his face. “Shouldn’t we have each other again while we have the chance? Even if it’s not quite the same?”

Seungwoo’s heart stutters, a whole new fear setting in. Seungsik is right. He doesn’t know in the slightest what’s happening to him - if this bizarre twist of fate will end at any moment and put him back to where he was, only this time having to lose Seungsik _again_.

It’s almost too much to even consider.

“I know you miss it,” Seungsik’s hand finds his, lacing their fingers together, squeezing. “I see it. Every time you look at me.”

“Of course, I do,” Seungwoo whispers, throat tightening. 

“Then don’t fight it anymore,” Seungsik whispers, and every word spills over with loss. “It’s okay. We can let ourselves have this.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Seungwoo whispers. But Seungsik shakes his head, and it’s the final straw, face inches apart.

“It already hurts,” Seungsik says. “Make it better. _Please,_ hyung, make it better.”

Seungwoo doesn’t think he can resist anymore. Everything that had happened up to this point swirls together in a hurricane of chaos and grief that suddenly builds to right now - the eye of the storm. 

Here they are. Together. 

Fingers laced together, hearts joining as one between their chests, their lips crash into each other, seeking inside the other what had been brutally torn away.

Seungsik pants against his mouth, pushing himself more on top, properly straddling his waist, and it feels so _right_ , so perfect to have Seungsik’s hands running up his chest again, gripping at Seungwoo’s shoulders. 

Seungwoo pushes up to meet him halfway, sliding against Seungsik’s tongue with his own, running his hands up his back, rolling his hips to press into him, and it’s like drowning and flying all at once. Seungwoo’s heart pounds at his chest, and he breathes in light, the two of them finally coming together after what feels like a destined spiral of fate. 

The pace between them is hurried, gasping, hot, and Seungwoo groans as Seungsik licks into his mouth, unable to stop himself from falling deeper, seeking more, completely willing to take everything Seungsik has to offer. 

Seungsik rolls his body against him, making a desperate noise against Seungwoo’s open mouth, and it’s _lovely_ , heaven against his ears. 

_“It’s you. You're the prettiest instrument I’ve ever heard,” Seungwoo whispers against his neck, smiling even more at Seungsik’s embarrassed whine._

_“Hyung…” he complains, pushing at his shoulder. “Stop it! Please, you’re embarrassing.”_

Seungwoo jolts as Seungsik’s lips trails from his mouth down his neck, kissing just below his jawline, sucking and laving at the skin. Seungwoo chokes back a noise, tilting his chin back, basking in the feeling, hands traveling up Seungsik’s thighs, gripping at his waist.

He pulls away slightly, looking down at his chest. Seungsik’s hands shake as he pulls at the buttons of Seungwoo’s uniform, and Seungwoo can’t help but chuckle, “You’re not going to stab me this time, right?”

Seungsik looks up at him, breathless and so beautiful. The tear tracks are drying but are still visible on his cheek, but he even manages a small laugh, if not a little broken, as he leans down and captures Seungwoo’s mouth again. “I thought I told you,” he says, pausing and sucking on his bottom lip. Seungwoo shivers, holding back a groan. “Technically, I didn’t stab you.” 

With that, he pulls the top of the jumpsuit open, and Seungwoo works his arms out of the sleeves, eager to have them around Seungsik once again. He pulls the undershirt over his head as the final piece, and he gasps as Seungsik’s mouth immediately falls on his chest, wet and hot. 

Determined to get some skin himself, Seungwoo pushes Seungsik up, pulling at his shirt’s buttons. Seungsik helps him, shrugging off the top of his uniform, once again revealing the shocking arrangement of scars on his chest. Seungwoo can’t help but stare, trailing his hand over his bared skin, fingers tracing the lines, but Seungsik grabs his hand, stopping him from continuing. 

He _almost_ lets himself ask, but Seungsik swiftly leans down, claiming his mouth again, bare chests pressing against each other for the first time and they both moan, getting more tangled in each other, hands exploring every curve of muscle the other has to offer.

Seungwoo puts an arm behind him, pushing Seungsik to sit up with him, the other hand on his waist, thumb rubbing into his skin. Seungsik settles back on his thighs, letting him breathe against his jaw, trailing his nose over his flushed cheeks, bobbing throat. He starts kissing Seungsik's neck, a zinging satisfaction shooting down his spine when he finds several small marks left on Seungsik’s collarbones from a few days ago. 

“Hyung,” Seungsik makes a begging noise, dropping his head against his shoulder. “I want more.”

_More?_

“What do you want, baby?” he murmurs against the base of his neck. Seungsik’s breathing stutters against his jaw, and Seungwoo stops, realizing what he just said. “O-oh, I’m sorry, fuck, is that okay to call you-?”

“You can call me anything you’d like, hyung,” Seungsik’s low voice all but _purrs_ into Seungwoo’s ear, heat melting through his ribs, and as if to answer his previous question, he rolls his ass against Seungwoo’s hips. Seungwoo grips onto Seungsik’s back, a moan rumbling in his chest. He thinks he could die here, the heat building up in his gut from a slow burn into a raging fire.

Seungsik pushes Seungwoo back down, lifting himself up on his knees, hands pulling down at the rest of Seungwoo’s uniform. “Let me see you,” he murmurs, undoing the final buttons that are too near Seungwoo’s crotch for him not to shake, chest flushing red. He helps Seungsik shimmy the rest down his hips, kicking them off past his ankles, taking his boxers with it. 

“Looks like you do work out,” Seungsik smirks, glancing up, mouth tracing the lines of Seungwoo’s torso, brushing against the beginning of the V of his pelvis. Seungwoo is honestly shocked at how forward he is, how shamelessly he whispers these things into Seungwoo’s skin, how he hovers like a hungry predator, and Seungwoo is his willing prey. And it’s different. So different. 

Seungwoo wishes he was smooth enough at the moment to come up with an equally hot and sexy comeback, but he’s all too distracted by the way Seungsik sucks and kisses his skin, moving steadily _lower_.

“Sik,” he moans, wanting to see him too, to feel him too. Seungsik looks up, stopping his downward descent. “You too,” Seungwoo says, “want to see you, too.”

Eyes flickering in understanding, Seungsik pushes himself up on his knees, shoving the jumpsuit past his hips, working it down his long gorgeous legs. Seungwoo can’t help but stare, hands reaching out of their own to stroke at his thighs, thumbs sliding across the dips of his waist.

Seungsik falls over him, and they fully press against another, molding into one. Seungwoo shakes, feeling the moon glow brighter, knowing the stars are dancing in the sky. Lips slotting together, mouths hot and wet against each other, Seungwoo holds tighter onto Seungsik’s hips, grinding them together, and it's the most intoxicating burst of static under his skin, the fire inside burning even hotter.

Seungsik moans into his mouth, his weight pressing onto Seungwoo in the way he misses the most. Seungwoo reaches between them, taking both of their hardened lengths in his hand, and fuck, it’s all so hot, and overwhelming that he can only stroke them clumsily, unsteadily. Seungsik’s keen gets muffled against his mouth, and he trembles on top of him, breaking away to pant against Seungwoo’s shoulder. Pressed together, raw and heading, it’s all almost too much, and Seungwoo muscles spasm under each stroke of his hand.

“Hyung,” Seungsik gasps, reaching down to stop him, taking his wrist in his hand. “Wait.” 

Seungwoo blinks up at him, immediately wondering if he was doing something wrong, loosening his grip. Seungsik kisses him as if to reassure him and guides Seungwoo’s other hand around his waist, over the globes of his ass, and Seungwoo jolts as Seungsik sits up further on Seungwoo’s waist, rocking Seungwoo’s cock between his cheeks, mouthing near his jaw. 

“Want it like this,” Seungsik breathes. He pushes himself up, hovering over Seungwoo. 

“Want you in me,” he whispers, and Seungwoo’s feels everything burn hotter just from the way he says it.

“Baby, we don't have to do that,” Seungwoo pants, trying to keep his head straight. “We don’t have to do it this way, it could hurt you.”

Seungsik shakes his head, and the look in his eyes is less focused, more wild. 

“No, no, I can do it,” Seungsik says, sticking his fingers in his mouth, wetting them with his saliva before reaching behind himself in a manner that sets Seungwoo’s skin on fire. 

“Sik,” Seungwoo persists. He’s never had sex with Seungsik without proper supplies. It feels strange, wrong. 

“We’ve done it before,” Seungsik murmurs, whimpering at the stretch of his own fingers. And Seungwoo feels a twisting in his chest because, no. They haven’t. 

“Hey, are you with me?” Seungwoo asks softly, tilting Seungsik’s face, making eye contact with him in the darkness, trying to slow down. 

“Of course,” Seungsik breathes, lips brushing at Seungwoo wrist.

“It’s going to hurt you,” Seungwoo insists, and Seungsik shakes his head, biting his lip to hold back his noises. 

“Trust me, hyung,” Seungsik says, and he retracts his hand. “I know what to do.”

Seungwoo watches with wide eyes as Seungsik slides down his body, hot breath suddenly skirting low on his stomach, then hitting Seungwoo’s pelvis, and _fuck_. 

He barely has a moment to mentally prepare before Seungsik takes him hot and willing into his mouth, hands splayed on his hips.

Seungwoo arches his back, muscles in his thighs straining, and Seungsik’s hot mouth just engulfs around his cock, tongue curling around him so perfectly, the head sliding in and hitting at the back of his throat, and _god_ , it’s been so long, _too long._

“Fuck, _Sik_ ,” he keens, making every effort not to rock his hips up into that delicious heat.

He makes the mistake of looking _down_ and sees Seungsik shining eyes and swollen lips sucking at his cock, dark eyes staring up at him with dizzying confidence. He chokes back a noise, eyes falling closed and the heat in his guts suddenly boiling so high he thinks he might just blow right now. 

“Ready, hyung?” Seungsik asks, voice low when he retreats off his cock, now wet with Seungsik’s saliva. 

Seungwoo barely has the brainpower to follow what he means, but then Seungsik is climbing back on top, positioning himself above Seungwoo’s hard and twitching length, hand reaching down to stabilize it from the base. 

Seungsik’s thighs shake, but he sinks down on Seungwoo’s cock with experience and confidence, and Seungwoo nearly burns inside his skin. Pleasure seers through him from the hot vice suddenly gripping around him, and it shouldn't feel as mind-numbingly good as it does, but it shoots pure, uncontrollable _want_ through his veins, making his toes curl.

“Ugh, Sik,” he cries, gripping at Seungsik’s waist like it’s the final grip on his reality and restraint. “Baby, _fuck._ ”

Seungsik tilts his head back, the faint light catching on the arch of his neck, his chest shuddering, hands pressing down on Seungwoo’s chest for support. “Fuck, fuck,” he gasps as he inches down further, painful whimpers pricking at Seungwoo’s ears as he does his best to murmur his own encouragement through the fog of pleasure.

“Seungwoo,” he whimpers, thighs trembling as he stalls halfway, hands splayed on his chest. “Fuck, it’s so much.”

Seungwoo wants to tell him to stop if it’s too much, but he keeps moving, rocking, clenching, and Seungwoo finds himself agreeing - it’s absolutely too much. He can barely keep himself tethered to the Earth, enraptured with the vision of Seungsik hovering above him, easing himself down further each time he lifts and drops down until he’s adjusting more. 

“Move,” he pleads, shaking as he lifts up and sinks down at an unsteady pace. “Move, hyung, please-”

“You sure?” Seungwoo breathes, shakes, every molecule screaming to plunge deep inside. 

“ _Yes_ -” and he all but sobs as Seungwoo rocks his hips up to meet him, hands scrambling at Seungwoo's chest, falling forward in a twisted, painful pleasure. “Ah! _Hyung_.”

He tries to control the pace from below, slowly rocking his hips up, _careful_ \- always careful to not hurt him. 

Seungsik whimpers in desperation, clearly not approving of the pace. He shoves Seungwoo’s hips down, picking up his own rhythm from on top, gritting his teeth, sinking down, _down_ , further, and further even though Seungwoo can see it’s clearly too much too soon.

“Fuck, baby, slow down.” Seungwoo clenches his teeth, skin prickling from how deliciously Seungsik clenches around him. It’s exactly what he said four nights ago, and Seungsik still shakes, trembles as he tries to recklessly push forward, riding Seungwoo within an inch of his life. Seungwoo has trouble keeping his head straight because, _fuck_ , he feels good, but even he can tell that it’s too dry, too rushed. 

“Slower, baby,” Seungwoo repeats as he sits up, arms wrapping around Seungsik’s back, hands going up and gripping his shoulder blades, kissing at Seungsik’s chest as he falls forward onto his shoulder, breath hot against his skin. 

“Can’t,” he chokes, holding onto Seungwoo, and Seungwoo’s hands slide down his back, past his hips, over his ass. 

“Just let me take care of you,” Seungwoo breathes, tilting Seungsik’s head up to kiss him again, making an effort to slow their pace down, take that frantic look away from Seungsik’s eyes. His hands slip underneath Seungsik’s thighs, to where he helps guide Seungsik’s body up and down, slowly sinking into him and then lifting him back up. Seungsik shakily exhales, wrapping his arms around his neck.

Seungwoo breathes heavily against his flushed skin, eyes fluttering closed at the sensation, shuddering as Seungsik sinks even further down, nearly bottoming out.

“Hyung,” Seungsik whimpers, nose buried in his neck, fingernails digging into his shoulders. 

“Can you lie down?” Seungwoo asks, kissing at his neck, before pulling him back so he can look him in the eyes. 

Seungsik blinks, eyes watery and overwhelmed, but he nods, slipping off to the side of him, letting Seungwoo guide them over so he’s on top. Bracketing Seungsik’s head on his elbows, he guides Seungsik’s legs around his waist, rolling his hips again, so he has control over the pace, too worried to go more than what he’s set.

Seungsik sighs shakily, arms wrapped around his torso and clinging, tucking his head into Seungwoo’s nape. Soft, broken noises puff against Seungwoo’s skin with every thrust, and his heels dig encouragingly into the backs of Seungwoo’s thighs. Seungwoo breathes unsteadily against his neck, slowly feeling the static under his skin rebuilding, pushing him closer to the edge again.

“Hyung, please,” Seungsik whimpers, sounding so broken that Seungwoo can't help but wonder if he should even listen to him. “Harder,” he begs, head falling back against the curtains on the floor, “Please, _please_ , hyung.”

Seungwoo grits his teeth, struggling to give more than he already is in fear of actually hurting Seungsik. “I’ll hurt you,” he breathes, continuing to thrust his hips at his careful pace. 

“It’s okay,” Seungsik whimpers, and his voice actually sounds tighter, emotional. “I need it, please, hyung, please-“

And Seungwoo would never, ever do something like this before, having always been ultra-careful to be as gentle as he could with Seungsik, especially the more fragile he became as time passed, but now. Now it’s different. _This_ Seungsik is different. He wants something else. He wants to feel what he used to feel. And all Seungwoo has ever wanted to do is give Seungsik the world, the stars, the sun- _anything_. 

Seungwoo stares into his eyes, stopping all movement. He makes a choice then, hearing the desperation in Sik’s voice, hearing him _plead_ \- to give him all that he can. To give everything. Everything he can. 

If it’s a rough, dirty fuck he wants - Seungwoo will try his best to make that happen. 

“Turn over,” he tells Seungsik, and Seungsik only blinks for a moment before scrambling to follow his direction. Seungsik gets on all fours, barely looking over his shoulder, his breath trembling as Seungwoo reaches back out to feel him.

And _god_ , he’s a vision.

Seungwoo inhales, hands wrapping tighter around Seungsik’s waist, pulling his hips, so he’s closer, fingers digging into the soft flesh. He rocks against him, stoking the fire in his belly, resting the tip against Seungsik’s entrance for only a moment before letting go, snapping his hips in with full force, burying himself inside Seungsik without so much as a warning.

Seungsik’s arms give out, and he falls forward with a high-pitched cry, ass arched high as Seungwoo proceeds to hammer into him from behind, long fingers pinching into his waist. 

“Yes, yes,” Seungsik cries in a mantra, legs shaking but keeping himself arched high. 

“Like this?” Seungwoo groans, leaning over Seungsik’s body, chest meeting his arched back, getting more leverage as he wraps his arms around Seungsik’s torso, fucking forward even harder than before.

Seungsik chokes on his words, head falling forward, pressing into the twisted array of fabric, trembling underneath him. 

Seungwoo tangles a hand in his hair, harshly tugging it back, so the back of his head touches his shoulder. “What was that, baby?” Seungwoo whispers, mouth falling into his arched neck and shoulders, teeth grazing at the skin like he’s thinking about biting down. 

Seungsik presses his hips back, pushing himself back up on his elbows, turning his head so their mouths can meet, and despite the uncomfortable angle, Seungwoo’s heart soars.

Seungsik makes muffled noises into his mouth at every thrust, clenching around him so well when Seungwoo breaks away, shoving him down and mouthing at the side of his neck.

Each of their trembling breaths screams how they’re both so broken, but the way that Seungsik cries for him, just begs for Seungwoo to break him _more_. So, with every heartbeat, every snap of his hips, Seungwoo responds in time with - _anything. Anything for you._

“So good, baby,” Seungwoo pants head falling into the crook of Seungsik’s neck. “Fuck, you feel so good.”

Seungsik whimpers even louder at the praise, molding his back against Seungwoo’s front, ass flush with Seungwoo’s hips.

Seungwoo reaches underneath, taking Seungsik’s leaking cock in his grasp, jerking him off as he fucks deep inside him, mouth pressed at the first notch of his spine. Seungsik jolts, a loud, strangled cry coming from his lips, and he’s almost twisting away from the extra touch, but Seungwoo persists, keeping him pinned under his weight. 

“Hyung,” Seungsik all but sobs, tensing and jerking and _clenching_ around Seungwoo so well, he thinks he actually sees stars. “I- I can’t-”

“Come on, baby,” Seungwoo pants. He tries to go even faster, knees digging painfully into the floor as he plows into Sik underneath, shoving forward with each sharp snap of his hips.

Shuddering with a cry, Seungsik comes over his hand, body swallowing his cock like a hot velvet vice around Seungwoo. 

Seungsik’s head ducks forward, and all Seungwoo wants to do is see him, to pull him from where he’s hiding it in his shaking arms. So, arms wrapping tighter around Seungsik’s torso, still plunged deep inside, Seungwoo pulls them both upright on his knees, bodies vertical, back meeting his chest, both hot and moist with sweat. Seungsik’s chest trembles, head falling back against Seungwoo’s shoulder, mouth open and uncompleted rung out. An absolutely wrecked _masterpiece_ , and it’s over for Seungwoo. 

Burying his head into Seungsik’s neck, breath hot on his skin, he pants, only managing a few more unsteady thrusts, finally tipping over the edge, the fire that burned so deep in this gut suddenly exploding, rushing up his spine, to the tips of his fingers, down his toes. With one hand splayed low of Seungsik’s stomach, the other barred at his chest, he grinds inside him, chasing the addictive pleasure of his orgasm shuddering through him, and Seungsik whimpers, jerking and jolting as Seungwoo’s hips stutter, still deep inside him.

Their limbs lose all strength, and they sink to the floor, Seungwoo falling over Seungsik’s back. They both cling, shake against each other. Seungwoo’s face stays pressed against Seungsik’s shoulder, and he tries to breathe, to catch his breath, to connect his mind back to his body because-

Holy fucking shit. 

That all just happened.

Seungwoo isn’t sure if he can believe it, especially when they started with so much distance shoved between them, so much uncertainty. And here he is, wrapped over Seungsik’s frame, bodies tangled together and still connected. Maybe it’s truly fate for them to be drawn to each other, in any universe, in any lifetime. Even if it’s not the same as everything he once had. What either of them had. 

“Hyung?” Seungsik’s feeble voice breaks him from his shock, and he jerks, lifting his head. “You okay?”

Seungwoo can’t hold back the smile that blooms up from his chest, the unbelievable laugh that leaves him because he’s better than okay. He’s felt better than he has in ages. 

“Yeah, baby,” he whispers, and he nuzzles close once more, kissing at Seungsik’s shoulders, moving his nose against his throat, pressing into the warmth with a joy flooding up from his heart that almost feels foreign. He feels like he’s glowing. Floating. Maybe both. “Of course, I’m okay.” 

Seungsik looks over his shoulder, searching for more. Seungwoo swears the galaxy hides in his eyes, pushing up to meet his mouth, eyes closing and lips moving slowly against each other. Seungwoo takes that time to slowly pull out from Seungsik’s body, now soft and spent. Seungsik chokes back noise in his mouth as he does, and Seungwoo just kisses him deeper, tongue sliding past Seungsik’s lips like he’s been doing it his whole life. 

He pulls back a hair's width, opening his eyes, taking in Seungsik’s messy hair, sweaty temples, flushed cheeks. “Are you okay?” he whispers, because he really should be the one asking. 

Seungsik swallows, giving the slightest of nods. Seungwoo can’t help but feel worried, knowing that if he’s not already feeling it now, he will be tomorrow.

Seungwoo pushes himself fully up, looking to the side where their supplies are piled. He knows that they can spare a little water to clean up since he just found some extra, and he wants to make Sik as comfortable as he can before they go back to sleep. He grabs one of the water bottles he found, unscrewing the top. 

“What are you doing?” Seungsik murmurs and Seungwoo looks back. He continues what he’s doing, pouring a small amount of water onto the rag, setting the bottle to the side. 

“Just lay back,” he says, quickly wiping himself down first, and it’s miles from the shower they both so desperately need, but it’s all he can do right now. He’s hoping that they’ll be able to find a spot to get a little cleaner maybe soon. He turns his attention to Sik, starting to wipe away their mess as best as he can, but Seungsik’s hands fly to catch his wrists.

“O-Oh, I can do it,” he stutters, moving to sit up, but Seungwoo shakes his head, gently pulling his hand away, kissing his slim wrist before setting it aside. Seungwoo was sure if the light were stronger, his cheeks would be the prettiest shade of pink.

“I want to,” he assures, gently pushing him to lay back. Seungsik swallows, but lets himself fall back on his elbow, eyes still wide.

He looks shy, unused to the careful attention as Seungwoo cleans him. “So, you’re shy now?” Seungwoo softly teases, dropping his knee, moving up.

Seungsik huffs, shoving him in the chest, but Seungwoo can still see the hesitation as he wipes across his stomach. “Shut up,” he whispers, and Seungwoo just smiles. Once he’s satisfied with his work, he can’t stop but mold himself into Seungsik’s side again, kissing lightly at his jaw, nuzzling at his throat. 

He can’t help but sigh, body sagging boneless, glowing and content. Seungsik turns towards him, doing the same, and Seungwoo wraps an arm around his shoulders, tucking him in closer, laying on his back. 

“You sure you’re okay?” Seungwoo breathes, and the air feels less heavy, but Seungwoo knows that nothing was really solved by this. Seungsik still lost something today. Something precious. Something vital. 

“I’m just… tired,” Seungsik whispers, sighing, staying curled against him. 

Seungwoo closes his eyes. He knows. He knows all too well.

“You’ve been so strong,” Seungwoo knows it true, and he knows that Sik needs to hear it. Needs to hear it, every day if he can help it. “It’s okay to cry. It doesn’t mean you’re any less strong than you were yesterday.”

Seungsik jerks, and Seungwoo can feel the way he shakes his head, the way he doesn’t believe him. “I-I’m not strong. I’m not.”

“You are,” Seungwoo whispers, insisting, _knowing_.

“Not like him,” Seungsik says, so quietly Seungwoo barely even hears it. Seungwoo thinks that if they weren’t so tired, he'd maybe even be crying again. “I’ve never been able to be like him.”

“You don’t need to be.” Seungwoo pulls back then, wanting Seungsik to see him. To try to make him understand how much he means what he says. “Hey, look at me.”

Seungsik resists at first, but Seungwoo coaxes his head up from his chest.

“Showing weakness isn’t a lack of strength,” he whispers, stroking at his cheek, the lingering tear tracks. “And you don’t need to be like anyone other than yourself. Because you’re enough, all by yourself, you’re all anyone could ever need.”

Seungsik listens with shining eyes, puffy lids, a wobbling chin. 

“You saved our lives today,” Seungwoo says. “You saved my life. If it weren’t for you, we’d both be dead.”

“I’m the reason you’re even out here,” Seungsik whispers, and Seungwoo shakes his head. 

“I don’t think you realize how bad-ass you were today,” Seungwoo tries to go a route that he used to go, trying to find any way to get Sik’s smile to show again. “Hanging out the window of a moving car, shooting bad guys.”

“Bad guy’s _tires_ ,” Seungsik murmurs in correction, hiding his face back in Seungwoo’s chest.

“ _Still_ ,” Seungwoo says with a soft chuckle, rubbing at his bare back, tracing little patterns in his skin. “Still incredible.”

Seungwoo swears he sees the hint of a smile tugging at the edge of Seungsik’s lips when he looks up, but it disappears as quickly as he shows up.

“He would call me reckless,” Seungsik murmurs. “Yet, you’re calling me incredible.”

“Well, maybe we’re both right,” Seungwoo chuckles, brushing at the hair that falls forward into Seungsik’s face. Seungsik's laugh sounds like he’s crying, but Seungwoo can tell the difference.

“He always told me,” Seungsik looks hesitant, but he continues, “That I was too naive. That I believed in the wrong things. And he’s right.”

“Hope makes people human,” Seungwoo breathes. “That’s all you are, Sik. You’re human.”

Seungsik rests his chin on his chest, exhaustion still deep-set in his eyes, but there’s something so beautiful that burns within. Life. Beautiful and unshaken _life_. Seungsik is scarred, exhausted, weary by every definition, yet he’s still _here_. Seungwoo just stares, making sure that he’s not taking it for granted for a single second. 

Every moment Seungwoo gets to hold him, every moment he feels his warmth, is a miracle in every sense of the word. 

“What was he like?” Seungsik whispers. “Can I ask?”

Seungwoo feels his chest tighten, but it’s less than normal. He can swallow it, he can stare into the eyes that make everything just a little easier. 

“He was…” Seungwoo breathes in, and even still, he feels shaky, “the kindest, most gentle person I’ve ever met. Unwavering. Patient. Always putting others before himself.” A broken, wet laugh leaves him, and it still hurts. It will always hurt. “Honestly, a bit of a pushover.”

Seungsik smiles, pain mirrored in his eyes. Seungwoo breathes and feels free. “He liked the smell of flowers and sweet fruit, and he kept a garden in our backyard. There was rarely a moment he wasn’t smiling… and he always stole my sweaters even though he had a closet full of his own.”

Seungsik smiles so brightly in his memories, laughter bubbling up from his chest, eyes curling into the prettiest crescents. Seungwoo can see him again so clearly, and it’s suddenly too much because it’s not pushed away anymore.

“He didn’t-” Seungwoo falters now, the knot in this throat tugging too tight. “It shouldn’t have ended the way it did.” It was painful. Unforgiving. He closes his eyes, lips pressed together, a tear falls from the corner of his eye. “Not for him. It- it wasn’t fair.”

Nothing about it was fair. 

“I’m sorry,” Seungsik whispers. Because what else can you say. What else can you do?

Seungwoo opens his eyes, sniffing, more tears falling without his consent. Seungsik moves up more, propping himself on his elbow. He catches the tears with his thumb, nuzzling his face closer, kissing at his cheek.

“Your smile,” Seungwoo says, turning on his side to look at Seungsik. “When you laugh. It’s when you look most like him.”

Seungsik then, head on Seungwoo’s outstretched arm, smiles. Quietly. Gentle. And god, Seungwoo’s heart aches. “Don’t I always look like him?” he teases, and Seungwoo huffs a laugh.

“You know what I mean,” Seungwoo whispers, touching his face, fingers sliding the hair behind his ear and trailing down his neck, his shoulder.

“I do,” Seungsik says, sighing. 

Seungwoo, unable to stay away, slides their noses together, brushing their lips softly against each other, taking this quiet moment to breathe him in, sink a little further into this warmth.

“I’m sorry, hyung,” he murmurs, and Seungwoo breathes out, his heart clenched in the most familiar pain. 

“I’m sorry, too,” Seungwoo says, and there they lay, curled together. Two broken people laid bare for each other to see. 

Seungsik presses back briefly once more before falling away, tucking his head back into the nape of Seungwoo’s neck, hand curling at Seungwoo’s chest. Finally, _finally_ settling down. 

“Sleep,” Seungsik murmurs. “We’ll need it.”

Seungwoo hums, closing his eyes, pressing his face in Seungsik's hair, lips ghosting at his temple. 

After a moment of silence, he feels against his chest, the gentle words, “Goodnight, hyung.”

He almost thinks he’s imagined it for a moment, sleep already wrapping its dark cloak over his shoulders. But it wasn’t in his head, and he realizes it with a jolt, feeling another stab at his heart, praying, _begging_ that he never has to let this go again.

So he breathes, releasing some of the grief he holds so tightly bound to his chest, and finally whispers back, “Goodnight, baby.”

  
It’s here, legs tangled, hearts beating against each other - Seungwoo can’t help but hope that maybe, _just maybe_ , they can find a way to build a new home from each other’s broken pieces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are love, pls let us know your thoughts <3
> 
> rae's links: [twitter](https://twitter.com/lostnthedream) // [cc](https://curiouscat.me/lostnthedream)
> 
> jelly's links: [twitter](https://twitter.com/yutabugi)

**Author's Note:**

> we hope you continue to stick around for the rest of this journey!!! (subscribe for the next update!!)  
> and feel free to leave theories or predictions in the comments we would absolutely love to see them (or just yelling works too hehe) :3
> 
> rae's links: [twitter](https://twitter.com/lostnthedream) // [cc](https://curiouscat.me/lostnthedream)  
>    
> jelly's links: [twitter](https://twitter.com/yutabugi)


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